To “force” DD to only speak to me in French

[Wantobeareader]

I am French and DH is British, we live in the UK and my DD was born here.
I only ever speak to her in French and have done so since she was born but I mainly speak Emglush with DH as he isn’t very fluent.
She only ever replies to me in English but she has recently started to say quite a few French words in English sentences, which is great.
I have never pushed her to reply to me in French as I was concerned this would make her refuse the language and associate with a duty iuswim. Should I start doing that instead?
DD is 3.5 yo.

If you think trying to make her reply in French would be detrimental then what about repeating her answer back to her in French as a question? Sort of as if you're not sure you heard correctly. You're modelling the 'correct' answer and it might encourage her to start answering herself in French.

OP there was an excellent thread about a month ago about the benefits of practising very strict OPOL, which I wish my parents had. It's worth trying to find (sorry I can't remember the thread title).

I noticed the yoto player has lots of stories and songs in French. These could help make with reinforcement in a fun way

You aren't failing, she's only 3.5 years old, don't be hard on yourself. ❤️

Positive affirmation helped with my son (English, German and Swiss German). Praise her everytime she reads in French, responds to you, sings songs with you. Tell her how proud you are to hear her speak it, have "over the head" conversations with your DH telling each other how clever she is etc.

Keep speaking to her in French and reward her when she speaks French.
Can you make any Fr friends locally with whom she will have to speak in Fr ?

There's always TV5Monde or on YouTube, Peppa/other cartoons she already likes en français. Perhaps Arte junior for when she's a bit older.

Yeah I think that's fine - she'll be really grateful for being bilingual in the future. I know someone who only answered their foreign parent in English and as an adult they have a lot of sadness/Identity issues at feeling like they're disconnected from part of their heritage.

One thing though - be prepared for 'selective mutism'. It's really common in bilingual kids as they go through the struggle of working out the two languages.

Your daughter will absolutely thank you in the future though for pushing ahead with French

I live in an area with lots of foreigners and raising multilingual children is a frequent topic of conversation. Not all solutions are perfect for every family. At her age, story books, singing songs, playing games that require questions and answers, chatting to family by video call, especially if you can get family to play games while you video call, like guessing games, find things in the room, grandparents can read a story, play with a puppet who asks questions..

Play dates in French and speaking to her in French all the time sounds pretty good already.

Also you could see if there is a Saturday school near you https://parapluieflam.org/petites-ecoles-flam/carte-des-petites-ecoles/
Normalising speaking French one day a week with peers and formalising the written language would take some of the pressure off of you doing it all.

My dd mostly answered in majority language with a few minority words thrown in at 3.5. Then a few more, and more until she started school aged 5.5 speaking mostly english to me. Stick with it.

My mother would speak to us in French, Dad in English. I always spoke English at home. We spent all our holidays in France and I had French friends. Obvs spoke to them in French, although sometimes it morphed to Franglais when they wanted to practice their English. I didn't actually speak to my Mother in French until I was an adult.

I had French books, my favourite being Le Petit Nicolas. Bedtime stories were in French. We sang a lot too. We had a record called Rondes et Chansons and most of our games were French too. Savez vous planter les choux? 😁

For me it was actually being in France and my friends which had the biggest influence on my speech. Mother speaking in French taught me to switch between the two from a young age. I still spend about three months a year there and really miss it when I'm in the UK. I much prefer the way of life in France.

@LaCasaBuenita how do you do that? The ones we watch don’t have french, I just go at the bottom of the screen to switch the spoken language, am I missing something?

@itsmyp4rty that’s what I do all the time actually

https://bilingualkidsrock.com/should-parents-push-children-to-use-minority-language/#:~:text=One%20of%20the%20most%20common,as%20you%20can%20make%20it.

this is quite useful. I often so the “please repeat in french now” thing with her actually

It’s tricky, OP. I would try to find a way to do it naturally—can you take her to France for a week to see your family and she’ll have to speak French, and then continue when you get home?

We're in this exact situation with DD aged 3.5. My DH has spoken to her (and baby DS) exclusively in Hebrew since birth, but she always answers in English even though she understands and can speak Hebrew when pushed.

I'm going to stick around here for the advice!!

I am French and I have three DCs.

Children are so adaptable. I only speak French to them, tell them I don't understand when they speak English to me (they know I do but it is my way of asking them to speak to me in my language) and netflix is set in French as well as kids stories/podcasts in the car...
we're never lived in France (but go often and they are close to their cousins) and I am proud (yes because it is hard work) to say that they are bilingual!. We don't even live in London - noone is French around us.
Don't think your daughter will make a bad association. Her brain is flexible and if you turn it into a game she'll play!

I wouldn't force her to use it unless as part of a game, eg when we go to this library mummy only understand French? Haha

I've worked with a lot of bilingual families and EAL parents. It is completely normal for children to start to only reply in English and this is the point when lots of families give up. The advice has always been that even if they reply in English they are still understanding the other language - keep speaking to them in your language but don't force them to reply in it. They still end up bilingual!

It's a wonderful gift you are giving.

dont force her! Let her answer you however she feels comfortable. I've known enough bilingual children growing up unable to express themselves fully and naturally in either language. it is a horrible situation to be in. In time if she want to speak French she will do so

In my opinion there's no other way. My daughter speaks Polish because I would say I can't understand and make her say it in Polish if she wanted something. Now, my mother in law and many friends in bilingual relationships, would not push it because child "would not want to", and would naturally pick up the high-frequency, easier language, resulting in never speaking in the low-frequency language.

My parents have different native languages but I was never asked to use dad's. No, I didn't just pick it up and just randomly start speaking, like some people here say will happen - even though I could understand it fine when I was a kid. And I have lost most of it now.

So yes, I insist on mine. But I do agree that some weeks in a summer camp in France would make a huge difference - when she has no option but to speak French if she wants to play with other kids.

She needs to reply to you in French.

With my own kids ( I married a foreigner and live in his country) I speak English, DH speaks his language ( so one parent one language). At aged 3 my daughter started replying back to in DHs language ( as she hears it more frequently). I had a very painful month of ‘what’s that in English?’ Every time. After one month, she only ever replied in English and that’s the case now she is a teen. With her younger sibling I didn’t have to do it as he just copied her.

another friend in a similar set up didn’t do this and let the daughter reply in the dads language. Years later, the daughter can only barely speak her mums language , and her younger sibling not at all!

For changing the language on TV it is defo worth getting a VPN. This way you can change your location and access content from a different country's Netflix, Disney, etc.

We do OPOL with our 3 year old and she mainly replies in English but I think TV pretty much exclusively in DH's/her second language has helped her vocab for sure and she voluntarily speaks it more now. Watching series in the second language like Peppa on repeat has made a difference for sure.

Tbh her English was delayed so I suspect the Italian will come. I think it's a confidence issue as well and hopefully will build with time.

Also just had our second child and DH is selling it as a secret language for them 3 Vs mummy! If it works then I'm happy 😚

I disagree. We are a bilingual family and nearly all of our friends are at least bilingual, many trilingual households (they have a dgp living with them who speaks a third language) and then the dc speak English as a fourth language. Many of them, whilst having fluent understanding of all languages don't speak a word of them. It becomes much harder as they get older too to try to reinforce the other languages, as English inevitably becomes the dominant language once they start school. The ones that are actually fluent the parent insisted on them replying in their language. My DH used to say 'please respond in X' when our dc answered back in English and it worked.
OP is doing OPOL. OP as others have said, reinforce the exposure to French at home, so perhaps make a rule of only French TV at home. Try to meet up with other French speaking families, and best of all if you can spend time in French speaking countries that is really important too.