I am struggling with DD's pride in her heritage when she only identifies with white children

[Katymac]

DD is mixed race (DH is Jamaican & I am White)

Every single World Book Day, fancy dress, dress like a character she chooses a very 'white' middle class character

She has been bullied about being mixed race & I am trying (& have been for some time) to instill some pride in 'who' she is

The latest is teh Guides Christmas party in January () they have to come dressed as a character in a book

So far we have Roberta from The Railway Children, Titty or Nancy from Swallow & Amazons, Lucy from The L, W & W, or Heidi

I will let her choose one of those but I am wracking my brain to find a mixed race character she could be

Any suggestions?

It's a tough one - is there any communication with any of her father's family in Jamaica? Could you exchange photos/letters with distant cousins?Would that help at all in having more of a sense of her mixed-race identity?

yes egyptians are african as I am european I can accept that....

...my geography could obviously do with a polish too!!

She will probably go as Captain Nancy, if we can get a red cap or as Roberta, if I can get a red petticoat

I feel a little more reassured that this image of herself is not terribly unusual, I will keep trying to find ways to reinforce a more positive self-image

I'm mixed and grew up in a non-multicultural area. Although I look very European it was a small community so everyone knew I was mixed.

Yep, the role models I was exposed to were not mixed but i don't think that has influenced the way I feel about myself at all.

My role models are now from all over and Pukka is right when she says the influence of the west is huge - we all look to the US for famous people.

The infant teacher's comment about Mary is completely shocking! That's a very very wrong attitude to take with any kid.

sherezade was not mixed but very powerful arabian girl...who saved her and her brother's life by telling stories....

Surely it's healthier that she is identifying with characters she likes in a colourblind way, just because they're strong characters, than if she was picking someone purely on the basis of colour?

Anyway, of course, the Altounyans on whom the Walkers in Swallows and Amazons were based were not 'white' but half Armenian! I've only seen black and white photos of them definitely had olive skin and black hair.

sorry, that should read 'but they definitely....'

KatyMac I may have missed it but how old is your DD?

I must say as someone who is British born Indian myself her choices are very similar to those I would have had thirty or so (ahem) years ago which is charming_-I thought they all wanted to dress as pop stars aged 6 these days.

If she is a keen reader is bringing in some Caribbean literature one way of helping her identify?

I think if she is young then I wouldn't worry-for a lot of us second generation immigrants seeking for who we are and an awareness of our cultural heritage came much later-teens or in my brothers cases early twenties.

She is 10 (just)

If it hadn't been for the bullying I would be less concerned - I just stress I guess

KM - at her age I wouldn't push it, I really wouldn't.

I understand that the bullying was horrible - and as for the Infant teacher...well - what an idiot! LOL - in DS's school nativity Mary is black, so is Joseph.

But, let your dd identify with a character she admires or finds adventurous and brave - she can make that character hers whatever colour her skin is!

(conversely I'm faintly concerned that Ds insists he can't play The Doctor in his endless Dr Who games with his friends because 'the doctor is white'. you can't win!)

Just saw your post. I am Jamaican .

Since her dada is Jamaican - the only Jamaican heroine is called Nanny of the Maroons. You could research the story of how Nanny helped her people defeat their oppressors and helped brought freedom to Jamaican slaves.

There is also great children story books of the first female arrivals from Jamaica in Britain..

There is the story of Mary Seacole a Jamaican nurse who helped British soldiers....

You can also consider buying her books from the Jamaican and Caribbean diaspora. There a quite a few around.

Have you ever read Amazing Grace, katymac? It's fantastic and aimed at a younger audience than your DD but the star of the book is Grace who rightly thinks she can be anything or anyone she wants to be: Joan of Arc, Hiawatha, Helen of Troy, Mowgli from The Jungle Book...and Peter Pan in the school play. But when her classmates tell her she can't play Peter Pan because she's a girl, and because she's black, Grace gets downhearted.

When Grace's grandmother proves, through a positive black role model, that Grace really can be anyone she wants to be, Grace believes in herself once more--just in time for the auditions.

What about Princess Jasmine from Aladdin? She's a beautiful, powerful woman of colour. Ok, she's not mixed race but think of how much fun you could have making that costume!

Lotta - from charlie and lola

hi all, have just dropped in to this thread and found all that has been said interesting .

I am from a family where by brothers and sisters have all but two, married outside their own race. I myself have married a white guy.

This is a debate we have had in our family over and over again and, this is just my opinion but I think it is VERY important that a mixed race child identifies with their black side more than their white.

When the world looks at a mixed race child they NEVER see white.....if a mixed race child wants to blend in with a culture they can feel at home, this is easier with their black side than white. No one will generally question a mixed race child belongs in a crowd of blacks, but in a crowd of whites, whether it be said or unsaid, the same cannot be said.

This is not to say that the above is right, however, if you HAD TO place a mixed race child in a white or black category, which would it be?

It will be easier in the long run for the child to learn to see themselves as black (not mixed race or white), as everyone else does, as this will save hurt and identity problems later on.

sorry for the long text but I have seen this in my own family and am only giving a word of warning.

Princess Jasmin from Aladdin sounds wonderful. I can just imaging the glitter.

mary seacole is the coolest woman who's ever lived. i actually think sheherezade is a great idea, i loved the 1001 Nights when i was ten. i'm white (scottish, so pale blue) and i'd have loved to dress up as her at that age.

I've asked my step daughter this one, she's 10 explained the situation with your daughter deing mixed race (as are a lot of kids in her class) and she come up with... Cruella De Ville!! Possibly the most literal taking on mixed race fancey dress outfits out can get! She might like it, there's hair and clothes involved....

Waitingtoexhale, what you say is interesting, but I'm not sure I agree. My dh is mixed race (African/French), I am of the translucent freckly redhead English variety. We thus consider our daughter to be mixed race. But with interesting mixed proportions!

It would be interesting to see where you would place her in your analogy?

I hope she can eventually identify with all parts of her cultural background, but would expect her to feel most "at home" in the environment in which she is brought up - wherever that may be.

How she looks seems so irrelevant to us. Unless of course she proves to have inherited her father's legs.

In which case she will never be a ballerina.

Interesting thread this, I was going to suggest Grace but someone beat me to it. I have also heard that identifying with their nonwhite heritage for mixed race children is important since so often they are not seen as white. However isn't part of the problem that they are also often not seen as whatever non white heritage they have so it can be very difficult for them. (Hope that makes sense)
I was also going to say do you think part of the problem is that she has reduced exposure to her non white heritage? (I obviously have no idea how much but don't you live somewhere rural?) which might make it harder for her to identify with that side of herself.

Sorry cross posted with carrotmas but I think waiting was talking about how others will see your dd rather then how she sees herself.

I am very naive, I suppose, but I don't expect people to want to put my dd into a category or group at all. People always ask my dh where he is from, but that is because it is very difficult to place him from his facial features, and his accent is completely bonkers, doesn't match anything at all.

When asked by interested strangers. he has been known to invent nationalities to avoid a 10 minute discussion on where he was born/ to which parents/ where he grew up/ moved to / was educated / learned English etc!

He is simply a very international fella...

dd is very tiny now, so it will be interesting to see what the future will bring for her.

Unfortunately MerryLittleCarrotmas I suspect most of us are categorised/compartmentalised the whole time at every little contact we have with 'officialdom'!

Katy, I'm mixed heritage (Indian by way of the Caribbean and white mostly Irish). I identified very strongly with white heroines when I was growing up and my cultural references are largely white (as you would expect with a white mother and growing up in a mainly white culture in the UK). I just wanted to reassure you that this doesn't in any way mean that I'm not proud of my own heritage or that I am rejecting it in any way. I love hearing about my dad's experiences and I am very proud of him and interested in his background. But I am English and I grew up here and my references are English ones even though most people wouldn't think I am white to look at me. I don't think I'm in denial or whatever, just reflecting what my experience of life has been. I don't think you should force blackness on your child. She will pick and choose out of her own rich heritage as she grows older and decide which parts are relevant to her. This is as it should be, IMO, and it's nothing to worry about. Let her be Queen Elizabeth or Roberta or Grace Darling if she wants to be. She has plenty of time to find out that some (ignorant) people think that you have to be defined by your skin colour alone.