Is it better to raise mixed race chidren in multicultural communities?

[hester]

Hi everyone, I'm in an interracial relationship and ttc. Haved lived all my life in London, but hoped to move out at some stage to somewhere more quiet and peaceful. Inevitably, that would mean somewhere where a mixed race child would be very much in a minority and may feel very 'different'. Does anyone have views on how fair/unfair it is to do this to mixed race children, how children cope in these situations, and how they can be helped to maintain a positive self-identity?

Hi www. I've found the posts on this thread really interesting. I think where I am at the moment is feeling (rather gloomily) that I am probably doomed to stay in London, because I will give a very high priority to avoiding my child feeling abnormal and isolated.

However, cheering myself up with the thoughts that:

i. there are other communities that could be supportive out there, but I will need to do a lot of research to find them

ii. things change. Even in my lifetime, the demographic make-up of London has transformed out of recognition, and that is true of other places too. Who knows how it will change over the next ten years?

iii. my dp's childhood was split between largely black and largely white communities, and that experience will help guide us to the right thing to do.

And of course, this is still entirely theoretical since there is no baby yet! Am desperately hoping that soon this problem will be actual rather than abstract...

Hi

Read comments with interest. As things are not at all hot on my side of the familiy (afro/caribs) i thougt that Kent where DH is from may be better (keeping a family network).

Just been reading through, some sad stories here. I am mixed race, adopted by two white parents in Norfolk! Couldn't get much worse! Was one of two black people in a school of 600! I vowed i would never let my children suffer like I did! I wanted desperately to be white, just to fit in. My DS is 2.5 months old, and I want him to be proud of what he is, mixed white, black carribean and black african! What a rainbow eh!

We've just very recently moved from a very multicultural area in one town, to another predominantly white area of the same town...We had more trouble/hassle/racist remarks (including a swastika (sp) painted on the car 2 months after moving in!) while living int he diverse area than we've had since we moved here (in fact so far we've had nothing said/happen at all).

oh and one other thing that just occured to me whilst changing the sheets - before we came to the UK it didn't even occur to DH and I that there could be any 'issues' with regards to mixed race (coloured as we call them) children. And we were coming from from a '3rd world' country..........so much for 1st world countries being more 'advance' hey!

That said, my cousin went to live in Africa with his black wife and mixed race kids and the kids were given a very rough time. Horrible behaviour crops up in all sorts of places

hmb - I guess it depends on were they lived - if they lived in a 'white' area (ie the big houses etc) then yes they'd probably have got grief - mainly because IME many of the whites still living in those countries STILL consider themselve 'above' the blacks and mixed race people.

If they lived in an 'average' type area - where there's a mixture of black, white, asian and mixed then the chances are they'd have had very little bother.

They made a concious choice to live in a predominantly 'black' area as the felt that it would be far better for their mixed race children. My 'white' cousin was accepted , as was his 'black' wife, but not their children. This was in the 70s and I would hope that things would have improved since then

aha - that could explain it then being in the 70's! I was trying to imagine which country it was that was like that as 99% of the negatvity I/we got was from whites - not from blacks.

Don't know what country that was but certainly in Zimbabwe things have come on a long way. And South AFrica is now known as the rainbow nation!

Zaire, I think, but I wouldn't bet the house on that. In the end the settled back in Swansea, and have never had too many probelms. Both girls went on to do exceptionely well academicaly, one now a doctor and one a dentist

Just realised that my last post might read as 'Gosh, mixed race kids, and they did well ). I didn't mean that, rather that their earlier bad experiences didn't affect them long term and they went on to do as well as expected.

lol happy - I knew what you meant

I would stay in London or maybe in a multicultural community where people is more aware of the benefits of diversity or at least familiar with the term "political correctness". Sadly, is a thing that you can only know if it would work for you by trying the place as it depends on your children personality and your luck of finding a place with nice understanding neightbours. However finding such place in a quiet and peaceful location is less likely than in highly populated area. We have had to take that decision some years ago, and... no, I wouldn't like to expose DS to that, especially because I have had it and it was simply horrible.

goingmad- i can sympathise with you, I am mixed race and was adopted by white parents (as I know a couple of other mners were) and brought up in rural Cambridge, my ds1 is the same mix as your child, I live in a village which is quite diverse and ds1 mixes really well at pre-school. I think being mixed race is going to be easier for our childrens generation than for us, as times have changed so much and people tend to be a lot more geographically mobile now.

Thing is a multicultural area doesn't nessecarily mean things will be ok - we moved in with a Caribbean lady on one side of us in the terrace, and a Mauritian couple on the otherside, LOTS of mixed race children, asians, you name it they were probably there...........2 months after moving in someone painted a Swastika on the car! Add that to the taunts my DS1 got from people when we first moved in, along with having our bin deliberately set fire to and it was a VERY horrible experience.

The new area, (we've been here since end of August - but 'knew' it before) and I've had no comments (apart from what gorgeous children ), and people have be FAR more welcoming - yet it's most definitely a 'majority' white area..