Multifaith family - dealing with Muslim in-laws

[TakeitEasy23]

I've already decided that my kid will not be circumcised. My husband and his family are Muslim. I am not Muslim. I believe circumcision is child abuse and the only person that can make a decision about the chop is the baby himself. How did other families work through this?

My MIL always talks about Islam this and Islam that. She barely practices properly. She didn't have anything to do with us for ages because she was a drama queen and boycotted our wedding.
Husband was fine during this time. He was himself. Entertained guests with alcohol (i dont drink) and was cool with visibly non Islamic religious relics being in various rooms of the house. However, MIL came in picture when she realised I was having a son. We happened to move house and haven't unpacked nonIslamic religious items yet. All of a sudden DH doesn't want alcohol at an upcoming party and doesn't want religious items in living rooms. However, his mum is allowed to pray in living rooms. He denies that the above has anything to do with his mum but I've noticed her trying to control him, guilt trip him into doing things etc. I will go ahead and put up the non Islamic religious items up.

How do you people put your MIL in her place?

RestingGrinchFace Your family seem very understanding. A family I know is similar and all the children turned out great. Disowning children, threats, that whole emotional manipulation and forcing your way with them is never worth it. All that happened to my husband too. See divorce is inevitable at times. However, when family either force you to get married or pressure you to split, it just makes their own child's life miserable. You're right in the sense that education and working helps. It was better in your parents' generation Im guessing. These days, its possible to go through the education system and have a career and exclusively communicate with Muslims. Its possible to go out but instead of some mainstream area, it's like the Arab strip or little Africa. We have ghettos in our neighbouring suburbs. You'll see shops with arabic signs. Learning more about this everyday.

Religion and culture are such a sensitive issue... I think it's important that you and your DH communicate, are open about your wishes / limits and respect the other (don't value one culture more than the other...)

Could you maybe go to couple's therapy? DH and I have been TTC [let's hope it works out...] So no children yet...) Have had some issues.

He isn't religious at all and I'm moderately religious.
But he had such a hard time understanding why I was outraged when he made fun of me celebrating the day of the dead and didn't understand why I would ever want to do something so "morbid" with future children... (Well, not like Halloween is this much better, right? )

MIL thinks these things are primitive and occult / satanic :(

But talking helped.

She threatens to kill, insults, degrades my background and she spent some years doing blackmagic to separate us but it rebounded. I dont believe in blackmagic but weird for people to dabble in it.

She sounds absolutely horrible.

I really do think your DH needs to steel his spine (some things are just not ok...)
And you don't sound combative at all imo.

(DH and I are not Muslim. Just wandered on this thread because we've had a 'spirited discussion' today and saw the title of your thread)

Good luck!!

My dear,
I am Moroccan berber, you have to put your foot down period.
The marriage or Union of two should be 50-50. The home is yours as well MIL is a visitor. My Nigerian Husband is not a Muslim...and drinks alcohol, eats pork and in the same breath he respects my decling Pork meat.
I hasten to add I have tried it but do not like the taste.
We do not allow religion or cultural differences to play in our life.
I keep my lot in check, and he keeps his lot in check. So those that drink drink, thise that do not juice it up...or we order both alcoholic and non alcoholic beer.
It works for us because we are rigid on that....our Happiness and unity comes first.

I googled this today to the tune of my sister in law hoovering my house at 7am... she is back for a month this time.
We got married in secret so their is already a foundation of lies with his family. My husband never had the guts to tell them until after the wedding.
I never got my (now 7m old) circumcised. I am a bad Christian and my husband is a dreadful Muslim ( enjoys a drink, Smoke, gamble on the weekend, and doesn't pray). When I found out I was pregnant I knew the circumcision question would arise so I planned ahead. I found a video on YouTube of a baby just a couple of days old screaming in pain while a surgeon was performing a circumcision. It was barbaric . I told my husband if he can watch this video all the way through I will consider it(bluffing of course)
My own gamble paid off - he had to lie down . We agreed if our son wants to be circumcised at 18 I will pay and take him..
Anyway... now the in laws are here and keep asking to bathe the baby. Change baby nappy etc. My husband doesn't want me to tell them . I think he needs to grow a pair. I'm happy to be the bad guy.

Does anyone find that we perform a complete charade whenever the in laws visit? We tire ourselves for their approval and we don't even like them that much. Our marriage dynamic and communication changes; Children are clever and will surely learn to be just as deceptive. This worries me.
I don't even know why I am giving out advice..I have been lying about who I am to his family for so long now I can't untangle my web of lies. Buy this is what I would do

Get your non religious items out. Say you don't realise they are religious you just thought the fat man on the blanket was attractive to you and you wanted to display him.
Don't let them change his nappy! When they find out be honest and say the surgeon needed two signatures and you refused yours. Your husband accepts this is the case and supports you because you are married. You mind will not be changed as now the baby is too old it is a more risky procedure. Tell them what you gave him in return. My compromise was that I would allow my son to be Muslim 'on paper' but if you met my husband you would understand this really isn't much of a sacrifice lol
You should probably let them pray though , there is not much justification for not allowing this. You want to be 'open' to their way of doing things too.

Your husband is changing his mind. I call mine out by saying , ''oh no you said that's OK why did you change your mind?'' He says "I just don't like them" , I say "that's OK, I don't like your decorative gun on the wall so I'll put my budda underneath it to truly reflect our tastes as a family". Either the gun and the fat man will come down within a day or none do = compromising win!
It's probably the worst advice on this thread, but at least another perspective- and to know that you are not alone!! Good luck!!

I was born into an Islamic Sunni family (Dad was a modernist, mom a pretentious, connivingly deceitful zealot).
2/5th of my son's are circumcised due to medical reasons, I feel no need to satiate any religions dictates, nor any cultural practices.
Our kid's welfare and wellbeing comes first.
No MIL will rule my roost, for I have my very own egg fertilizing Rooster permanently perched there and I all fluffed up in defence besides him, clucking along from the same manuscripts to his cock-a-do-dodling

@proudlyindependant Sounds like you two are a real team, I am in awe of this!

Problem is you aren't Muslim and your Husband wasn't strict up until now. I think you should tell your husband that you don't want your son to be circumcised. It's up to you, you're the mother and have rights. tell your MIL that she should grow up, except you abd stop controlling your husband because he isn't practising so no one should force him to be. and tell her that you're not going to get your son circumsised.
Btw anytime, your son can have the chop up until 14/15.

Hello all x in an very new to this x so I apologise If I make any mistakes x my partner is from Kurdistan and we have been together nearly a year x my ex husband is in the army ( u can imagine what he says ) ....I have 12 yr old with adhd asd and a 7 year old....so you can imagine my partner really struggles with my sons behaviour....his mum has added me on Viber and seems nice. I don't think they understand that my son isn't just "naughty" ....it's soooo hard x