bringing up 2nd child as a muslim

[allybongo66]

Hi,
Where do I start!!!
My eldest daughter (26) is pregnant with her second child - she split up with the father of her 1st child when her daughter was about 1 - she has been in a relationship with her muslim boyfriend for 5ish years and her daughter calls him daddy - she is basically not religious just does the normally xmas, easter etc. He is a practicing muslim though not devout but does the usual religious stuff - mosque on a friday etc. She has told me that the baby is going to be brought up a muslim and is going to have a muslim name aswell ( we are white british). I know it makes me sound racist but I'm defininately not. I have issues with her decision- how can you bring one child up basically atheist and another muslim? How will that play out with the older sister? Is she going to feel pushed out, different? I would prefer that its not brought up with any religion and for the child to make the choice when it's at an age where it can understand the cultural and religious differences and not be forced to follow one path or another. Is one child going to be allowed to eat what she wants and the other only Halal? One child eating pork the other not! It seems like its going to be a total minefield! Also in all the years she has been with him she has not met one member of his family - which I find strange but have been told that they are only introduced to the family when they plan to get married! I feel it's a bit of a kick in the teeth to us as her family that it won't be brought up like us but I suppose I'm just being selfish in that respect, but I do feel that she hasn't thought it through properly. Is there anyone else who's been through this dilemma? Advice and reassurance would be greatly appreciated!

[MommaGee]

There's a difference between working away to support the family and running off home to mommy wife to keep the " dirty" secret hidden.
So there isn't one child with a totally different religion to anyone they live with.

Curious on the logic for raising one child aethist and one Muslim - is she hoping it will get him to commit?

[Westfacing]

'Household' being the key word - they don't live together. That's not comparable with fathers who work away.

I don't know anyone in a mixed relationship which is 'long distance'.

[Westfacing]

What is the difference to the child of the father being at work or at his parents house?

If you really don't know the difference, someone else less tired than I will have to explain.

[MommaGee]

Zzzzz the only person being judged if the guy carrying on an affair for 5 years, allowing his DSD to call him Dad, helping create a new life yet not being prepared to introduce them to his family, none in with them to be a family. Then in top of this Mom is raising a child in a religion that isn't get own when she's actually aethist.

[MommaGee]

What is the difference to the child of the father being at work or at his parents house?
The difference is commitment. He's nor just living in a separate home, he's never introduced them to his family yet he's letting this little girl call him Daddy.

Tbh I think Op's DD is in the wrong foe Letting her DD get in the middle of this and now a new baby too..

[PenelopeFlintstone]

There's a lot of negative stereotyping going on on this thread

That's because they've been together for 5 years, she's having his baby, and she's never met his family with whom he still lives.

[Ericaequites]

As Abraham Lincoln put it, "A house divided against itself cannot stand". Bringing up two siblings in the same house in different faiths can only cause ructions.

[Girlincognito1]

As long as she's not doing it out of fear he'll leave her. Sounds like he's not that into it all and knows that in his parent's eyes they'll never accept your daughter. This man is trying to have his cake and eat it!

[ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe]

Of course there are thousands of mixed faith households, but there you have one parent of the faith the child is being brought up.

Here it seems the father is in the picture only sporadically and the mother, who isn't Muslim wants to bring up a child as a Muslin, which might make things more complicated.

[Bobbins43]

Muslim men can marry outside the faith, incidentally. To Christians or Jewish women. I mean, it's permitted in Islam.

I agree, it is going to be difficult to bring two children up in different faiths but I think all you can do is be as supportive of your daughter as you can.

[MommaGee]

My comment re converting is because I think its odd to actively raise your child in a faith you don't believe in. I'd she believed in the faith and they all converted then there's no issue but she's the primary carer raising a child in a faith she only understands anecdotedly. Given he sneaks home at 1 am when will he see this child to help him learn him faith? What will they explain when the kids are old enough to ask why they don't have any grandparents or cousins on that side? I actually think its about more then the religion. Everything indicates that she's a bit on the side rather than a serious relationship and yet she's allowed her daughter to call him Daddy

[Whattodo23]

Op please show your daughter this thread. Speaking as someone from a similar background I can assure you he only sees her as a mistress. He has no intention of marrying her or living together as a couple. Probably afraid of his parents reaction the spineless scum.

[Whattodo23]

To add, your daughter will end up a single mum to two kids, he will not be present and look after his child. Ask her why he hasn't married her yet if he is serious about her? He just sees her as someone he can have sex with.

[Whattodo23]

Zzzz meeting the parents and being married for these families legitimises relationships, he doesn't want that

[Whattodo23]

I can't stop adding to this thread. If he lived with her full time and supported her financially, then maybe there would be hope but he doesn't. Also bear in mind if she has boy what about circumcision? If a girl when she gets older covering up? Attending mosque?

[MommaGee]

Zzzzz he's made t clear if they married they would meet her. OP says oh she's too independent to marry but lots of women who are independent are also married so that rings... Off.unless he means convert and marry. Which she's entitled not to do but then why raise the new baby Muslim? Fwiw I think both are responsible for making these kids lives complicated and hard.
And after 5 years and2 kids yeah I'd rather meet term once and see their attitude first hand

[highinthesky]

Op please show your daughter this thread. Speaking as someone from a similar background I can assure you he only sees her as a mistress. He has no intention of marrying her or living together as a couple. Probably afraid of his parents reaction the spineless scum.

No matter how true this is, she won't see it this way. Its all part of being a mug "feisty".

[MaidenMotherCrone]

I have a family member who was with a man from Bangladesh for years.....2 beautiful children....she never got to meet his family.....but he was always contactable and as it turned out.....always married and had other children.