Student finance and high household income

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Honestly its so much pressure I can’t pull £8000 out of nowhere. We earn loads on paper but live in the southeast, disabled adult im caring for and financing, one gone through uni, one at uni, one due sept 2026 and I have had time out for caring, racked up some debt, why isn’t it just one standard maximum maintenance loan and you choose what amount to apply for? I’m sick of explaining to the kids what we earn, how much the mortgage is, how much the bills are, why we can’t buy them a car, why we can’t pay for ensuite halls etc etc.

massive mortgage for a shoebox, council tax £380 a month, I know we are lucky but this just is so stressful. No savings, they’ve gone on supporting the other kids.

please don’t all pile on about how I’m just venting , if anyone gets it please just let me know.

When my son went to uni I was really clear that he would have to take the cheapest accommodation. Some cost the entire full maintenance loan amount, I genuinely don't know how parents on normal incomes cover that.
He has a holiday job and works all holidays. He wasn't provided with a car either, that's a luxury imo especially for a student. Kids need to understand parents can't always give them what their friends have got.
If you can't afford for your child to live away from home they will have to commute or not go. What other solution is there, if you've not got the money.

It depends on where you live. Neither of our local, commutable unis offer the subject that ds is studying It does offer dd's subject but does not offer the important industry links that she needs for her chosen career.

The threshold for getting any support is extremely low. Our two just applied for the minimum maintenance loan, we paid their rent and they both got jobs to provide extra spending money. Oh, and neither has ever had a car. Both had uni friends who were surviving on just the minimum loan plus weekend and evening jobs, no additional parental support at all. Your kids need a reality check.

No, the only solution is not to take a gap year, but to find a job and work throughout university like so many students do. The jobs are there. They’re not pretty or fun but they are there.

And being from a poorer house is no fun, let me tell you. You might get the chance to end up in more debt but boy do you have to pay for it with limited money, limited opportunities, no money for extracurriculars etc etc. for your entire childhood. Please don’t try and make out like those who get given the full loan amounts are lucky. Those kids have usually had to jump through 1001 hoops just to get to the point of applying for student loans in the first place. And they will still be working throughout university because they will have no safety net whatsoever.

Absolutely what BelBridge says

the one going in December does work and has saved some money toward uni, they are hoping to keep working and have chosen a large city to support this.
I haven’t been able to save since birth for them, there’s been a bumpy ride and not always a high enough salary to do this. I wasn’t expecting to lose the child benefit, although obviously you can’t rely on it. I think, like a lot of people, there have been periods of great financial stress (redundancy, disabled child, house repairs) and we’ve probably not made the right choices at all times with hindsight.
i had to give up work when one was little and that was tough financially. I work now but at the time nurseries I tried wouldn’t support their needs.

Same for mine - then the third chose a degree apprenticeship, lived at home and commuted to work (4 days) and uni (1). So we paid for some driving lessons and a modest car. He still feels he got a better deal than the other two but in money terms it wasn’t. Incidentally, guess who earns most out of the 29, 27 and 24 year olds?

You might not want to hear it but you should treat your DC equally. If you have x amount of support to offer and 3 DC then split x by 3. Put DC 2 and 3 money in bank for them so they get an equal share. Parents who give everything to eldest DC then don't give same to younger DC annoy me. It's not like you didn't know you had 3 kids.

@caringcarer I haven’t thought to do otherwise. But there wasn’t a stash of £32k to start with which I can allocate between the three. It’s all earned income being stretched to try to find money.

In your situation I'd get a loan to ensure all DC are treated equally then repay it over time when DC have go ished uni. I know it's hard with multipe DC. I wish schools warned parents about uni cost when DC in primary school as it comes as a shock to many.

It's really not reasonable to expect OP to get a loan in this situation. They're desperately trying to pay off their mortgage and limp to retirement age. They need all the savings they can get. The DC has to work it out based on what the OP can provide.

But they paid for older DC. They are treating younger DC unfairly.

I feel you. I have 3 DC who are all going to be at uni at the same time. We sold our house and downsized to make it even vaguely workable (and delayed retirement and and and). Can't stretch to driving lessons or cars, but there is no expectation from our kids that we will; together we are prioritising degrees and are taking into account cost of accommodation when we are looking at unis.

Sending sympathy. Martin Lewis has been campaigning for the government to be explicit about this "hidden parental contribution".

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/students/student-loan-parental-contribution-tool/guide/

My 2 kids are very young and according to the MSE calculator I would need to save £230 PER MONTH starting now in order to fund them through uni. I think by the time they're 18 the pendulum will have swung back to only a minority going to uni.

How is that fair on the one who is expected to do this just because they are the youngest when the older siblings haven’t had to do the same?

Ours DC got the minimum
In Scotland so no fees
All wanted to go away from home which we were happy to facilitate
We didn’t want them working term time
Paid them an amount to cover accommodation and costs
Starte at 1000 a month each
Period of overlap ,now paying youngest 1200
Thy also get something every term from my ILs ,I don’t get involved in that but think it’s 500
Essentially we have postponed our retirement

My oldest is currently doing a placement year, which is highly recommended on his course and has been great for getting experience. However, it is voluntary so no pay at all.

He only gets the minimum maintenance loan which is about £4k. It doesn’t even cover his rent. He is doing anywhere between 40 and 50 hours a week in his unpaid placement role. He had no time to work for money so obviously we are supporting him to cover the rest of his rent and food. We have plenty of money to do this, but some wouldn’t. It’s a very unfair system.

I didn't say that.

I worked all through my degree. My ds has worked through A'levels and will work to support himself while at uni. Not full time obviously but enough to help with costs and to start to take responsibility for their own lives.

It helps everyone end up in less debt (parents and dcs) and shows a work ethic that helps when looking for a job.

I don’t have a spare £1000 a month. Cancelling Netflix won’t touch it 😱

Just to clarify - we remortgaged to help older dc, we can’t do that again with our ages. We have also had some additional expenses since then (health care - funding gaps in the mental health system, supporting an adult child unexpectedly) and I don’t intend to treat them differently, I’m just struggling with a system that expects me to find £££ for uni, £££ for a pension (I have under £50k, that’s another problem) and just am struggling to feel in any way positive about what should be an exciting time for them.

Our local uni doesn't do engineering The closest suitable university is 60 miles away, and unhelpfully the annual season ticket on the train is about £100 less than the cost of a halls room.

Fair enough
TBF I did not suggest it was as easy as cancelling Netflix
We were always aware of the potential costs and made decisions based on that

You can probably remortgage thru to age 70 .
It is not impossible to stretch it further.
By then use lump sum from pension etc

If OP can't afford afford it now, she can't afford it. Fairness is irrelevant sadly. Situations change.

OP is beating herself up about it already (as well as being frustrated at the system that creates this situation) no need for anyone else to.
If you can't afford something, the answer is very rarely to borrow more to have it.

Can you tell us a bit more about this ?