Wedding budget planning - what would you do

[Bunting12345]

Hi!

If you had a relatively good job with good prospects but owned a home that is a ‘project’ in the south (affluent area with a high mortgage) how would you choose to do your wedding/prioritise spending? FYI household income under £100k combined.

Circumstances:

• 30s
• Can realistically save £24k in the next 3 years and would be gifted a minimum of £5k for a wedding (maybe £10k). This includes any money for house work.
• Would like to have a child in the next 4 years and probably should save something for mat leave, as the breadwinner, but we will have remortgaged by then.
• Owe £10K re. a casual loan

Other factors:

• I have an intense job and sometimes CBA with the idea of planning/mental load of organising large wedding and the politics involved (inc with fiancé!)
• Really want to improve house and living environment, particularly before a child.
• Still want to celebrate but don’t want it to be shit. Likely guest list would involve 80-100 people, even if it was a party so it’s hard to have a small celebration.

Have toyed with the idea of a ‘wedding party’ instead and Registry office with immediate family, or just eloping to save costs and hassle but I wonder if we would regret not doing a proper celebration. Equally, I am keen to not put extra financial pressure on us and start our married lives debt free and in the most comfortable/stress free position possible.

If you were me, how would you allocate the 25k?

Looking for advice to see what others would do in my situation!

We spent about 5k on ours, ten years ago, including the rings (though gold was a lot cheaper then). 75 guests, just registry office and function room in a nice pub, but we fed everyone til they were bursting, and had an open bar. That's all anyone cares about really - if you give a bunch of good people plenty of food and drink you've got a party, and it will be great.

We were also renovating a major fixer upper, so that was our priority.

We spent £18k for a London town hall wedding, buffet lunch at our favourite restaurant for 90 people, plus transport across London. No flowers, no (formal) bridesmaids, no cake - made life a lot easier (we both have busy careers) and was still a lovely day with people we cared about. That includes the cost of my rather pricy dress (which can and has been reworn).

(This was last year)

Get family and friends roped in to help. For ours we had
A piper (DH cousin).
Wedding cars (friend worked for a car hire place and did the driving).
Wedding cake (DH'S former bakery colleagues made it. )
Wedding reception (hired a social club attached to a local employer. 2 friends who were employees had to nominate us for membership but miles cheaper than hotel).
Floristry (was provided by a customer of the bank I worked for at the time and gave me discount).
Bridesmaids and flower girls dresses. (Made by the local fabric shop).
DH Wedding band (had been his dad's).

Other things you can do to reduce the costs.

Speak to vicar/registrar and find out if anyone else is getting married the same day at the ceremony location. Share costs with other bridal party for decoration/flowers etc.
Use taxis to take you to the venue(s).
Have a late afternoon ceremony so you'll only be providing one meal.

My opinion fwiw is you need to decide whether it's the marriage or the wedding that's more important to you both. How often do you see your extended family?
I've been married twice (DH 1 died) we had 30 at our wedding as we fell in love with a venue but couldn't afford a big wedding there. So we just had our nearest and dearest. Wedding 2 neither of us wanted anything big, it was just about wanting to be married, so we had 12 of us at a registry office, then afternoon tea at our favourite hotel. It was absolutely perfect for us, we didn't waste money on a day.
We're early 40s, mortgage free and have a child.
We also know a couple who spent 45k on their day over 10 years ago and split up after 2 years.
The house and baby should always be a priority. A marriage is about 2 people committing to each other, not what's good enough for the 'gram.

You can have a proper wedding and not spend close to that. The fees for marrying in church are approximately £800 then choose a reception venue that doesn’t have a wedding licence, it means that it will be far more affordable. We rented the top floor of a pub overlooking the water, live 3 piece band, sit down 3 course dinner for 40 plus food in the evening and covered the entire bar bill for under £6k last year, so even with inflation and more guests you can bring it in on budget without compromising. The pub was 150m walk from a chain hotel I negotiated a £79 a person room rate with

What does light food you mention consist of? There’s nothing worse than a wedding/wedding party where people are hungry.

Have it at home! Of you have a house that needs renovating ypu dont have to worry about 100 guests and your freshly carpeted home!

If it were me, I would get married officially the day before in the local register office with your parents, siblings and if there are any left, grandparents. Nice meal somewhere. Then. The next day you host all of your family and friends at home. Get someone (best mate, dad, aunty: anyone with a bit of charisma) to do you a fake ceremony.

Buy a cheapo gazebo. Get as many chairs as you own, clear out as much furniture as possible, get some decorations and just have a wild party. Set up a bar area and get a couple of the teenagers in the family to man it.

Get caterers in.

Have a blast!

I’d elope! Then celebrate with people on another day and not say to the venue it’s about a wedding…

Sounds like you have a very expensive couple of years coming up - I’d prioritise saving over a big wedding. No way would I spend all my savings on one day.

We’re mid-30s in the southeast and have chosen to buy the house (not a project) and have the baby (well, toddler now!) before getting married - I’m sure we’ll get round to it eventually 😂 I was the breadwinner but have now gone part time, which knocks on to finances as well.

That's nice for you.

OP, in your circumstances I'd suggest £4k tops towards the wedding, that one single day for a piece of paper, and the £20k remaining towards renovating that asset you'll have long term that will hopefully grow in value overtime and provide a nice home for you to grow your family in. Anything left towards maternity leave planning.

Thanks everyone.

for reference (maybe I’m being defensive 🤣🫠) but I don’t think my idea is super fancy - I could plan something a lot more fancy than registry office and a party after!

I get what people are saying about it being a marriage rather than a wedding. Maybe I shouldn’t want both but I do to a certain extent (hehe) and my partner is the same. The wedding however is certainly not more important than the marriage though.

I guess I’m slightly clueless as to what the next stage of our life might cost with a baby.

The marriage is the vows you make to each other. They are a serious promise to love and support you partner. They do t need to cost £15k.

I promise you your vows will feel special, you will well up with tears, and you will appreciate the gravity of the promise you are making. These feelings mark the marriage, not the flowers, dresses bridesmaids , party favours etc.

The marriage vows, the house the feels like home, the lovely kitchen where you spend quality time with family and friends, the mortgage, the time you get to spend with your babies on maternity leave..... These are worth so much more than a fancy wedding, so save your money for them instead.

Btw, consider the cost of bridesmaids and best men. You don't need them. They aren't for your benefit, they are roles to make your friends feel good. So my advice is not to bother with them.

I've been married 21 years, we got married cheaply and had a 3 day City break for a honeymoon. We made the best decisions to spend our money on the things that give us long term happiness rather than a single day of self indulgence

Whatever the next stage of life with a baby costs, it will be much easier entered without debts of £10k which you haven't repaid because you've had a wedding you couldn't afford.

Mat leave, typically 12 months. Statutory mat pay is 90% of salary for 6 weeks, followed by 33 weeks of stat mat pay which is about £170pw, providing you qualify.

Babies themselves are cheap: 2nd hand cot and pram (but you won't want that if you want a £25k wedding) good quality car seat, supermarket baby clothes, nappies and formula and your heating will be on. When you go back to work, expect nursery to cost £2k pcm minimum.

It's about priorities and the whole wedding extravaganza thing needs to cease. £25k is a lot of money for ordinary people to spend on a party - it needs scaling down.

My wedding dress cost £10 . register office,two witnesses
Had a lovely day ..and no money worries after .
I can see friends and family any time ..plus I had teenagers at the time and none of us would of coped with a big party ( autism)

I eloped to New York and got married at city hall had two week holiday in the USA Came back had a party with 80 guests

My only regret is that we had more time at the party. We did an evening only party from 7-11

I wish had also done a sit down dinner with peaches and readings for our family and close friend (about 20 people).

eloping to city hall is good fun though

it all cost 7k

Our wedding cost £2.3k including all clothes. We did a registry office and then had welcome drinks, hot buffet and a huge cheese course and my friend made the cake. Venue gave us free hire (really nice bar) because it was off season. This was a year ago. We had 70 guests. I absolutely would not spend much more than that with the big life changes you've got planned.

The next stage of your life with a baby actually becomes the next 18+ years of your life. Babies are not hugely expensive, but the costs they grow into are. How far will that £24k stretch across 18+ years!

Mat leave, whether statutory or occupational pay, will not match your full time earnings for a full year. So there's an income deficit already from the get go to manage assuming you try to take a year.

It is naive not to think further ahead than splashing out on 1 day of a wedding, when you have such lovely hopes already for your future.