If you grew up poor and are now ‘rich’

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How did you manage to change your money mindset? I need to change mine as it’s making me miserable. Are there any books people have read that have worked for them? I’ve watched My Rich Life on Netflix and it didn’t resonate.

TW: I have nothing to moan about compared to 99% of people on these boards. I am borderline technically rich yet there is not much left in my account and I have little to show for it.

What’s worse is that DH and I feel like we are destined to be poor as we both grew up in poverty. My parents lost our family home and never recovered. I am sure my father was probably depressed as we had to emigrate for safety reasons and he lost his status and livelihood. After many years, doing jobs he was grossly over qualified for, he managed to buy a decent house in the new country but then lost his job and the bank foreclosed. I was doing my exams at the time and it really stayed with me. It’s made me think I need a huge financial cushion to feel secure in case the rainy day or hurricane comes. We ate well but I never had new clothes - maybe 2 outfits a year and I still see clothes as a waste of money.

Combined, DH (especially) and I pull in good wages - not banker level but decent. We live in an area that’s terrible for secondary schools. School fees x 2 account for a good third of our income.
We have virtually paid off our mortgage on the house we live in.
I try to invest near the ISA limit. No massive pension sadly and that’s a massive oversight. It feels as though all our money is locked away. Some of it in speculative investments eg an EIS scheme, just shy of 1 Bitcoin, 2 rentals with mortgages which are income wise virtually loss making as we charge 30% below market rent as we don’t want to be pricks. We go on one big summer holiday SC, Europe and maybe 2 city breaks a year. No skiing, no fancy car, no expensive haircuts/highlights/tweakments.

At what point will this savings/investment regime reap rewards - if ever? And in the meantime, how do I stop feeling like we are destined to be poor like our parents? I will never reach the fabled 600k pension that you need for a modestly comfortable retirement. I am lying awake wondering how we are going to fund university, especially if we are not working. Neither of us is entrepreneurial enough to launch a business and we don’t have the hustler personalities or social polish.

Sorry for the long and insensitive post to those who are on the breadline. I know I’m lucky but feel my luck is going to run out before I’ve enjoyed it.

personally i want to be rich, ill admit it would be nice, although id still shop in the reduced sections, that said count the pennies, only buy what's essential, trim any excess expenses ect.

basically in my perspective there is no need for a book / bible so to speak on money, its more being practical with what your spending on.

That said here are some books:

"The Millionaire Next Door: The Surprising Secrets of America's Wealthy" by Thomas J. Stanley and William D. Danko: This book challenges common perceptions of wealth and provides insights into the habits and lifestyles of millionaires. It might offer a fresh perspective on what it means to be financially secure and successful.

"Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!" by Robert T. Kiyosaki: This classic personal finance book contrasts the financial philosophies of the author's "rich dad" and "poor dad" to illustrate key principles of wealth building and mindset.

"Your Money or Your Life: 9 Steps to Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Achieving Financial Independence" by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez: This book offers a holistic approach to money management, focusing on aligning your spending and values, as well as achieving financial independence through mindful consumption and investment.

"Mind Over Money: The Psychology of Money and How to Use It Better" by Claudia Hammond: Understanding the psychological aspects of money can be crucial in changing your money mindset. This book explores various psychological factors that influence financial decision-making and offers practical tips for improving financial well-being.

"The Psychology of Money: Timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness" by Morgan Housel: Housel delves into the behavioral and psychological aspects of money, providing insights into why people make certain financial decisions and how to cultivate a healthier relationship with money.

"Broke Millennial: Stop Scraping By and Get Your Financial Life Together" by Erin Lowry: Geared towards younger readers, this book offers practical advice on budgeting, saving, investing, and navigating financial challenges, making it accessible and relatable.

Thank you so much@Biohives! I think we are doing some - maybe not all - the right things practically. We could always do better of course!

I remember a very ‘meh, is that it’ feeling when our mortgage payments got to about 12p. How much is enough? Is this why multi millionaires get to 10 million and decide they need to get to 100 million?

quite possible, the whole eg my yacht is this big but my friends is bigger then they want the bigger yacht etc and likely a good accountant

fyi screen shot the info i provided in case you need it as reference

Rich people don't tend to wear designer clothing.

I read How Rich People Think by Steve Seibold. Interesting very simple book. He interviewed 25 superrich people and compared their attitudes with the attitudes of middle class people, then made some generalisations based on his findings.

Some of the rich thinking I really didn't like or agree with but I now understood it better. Other aspects of it I loved and adopted.

I'm not rich but I have a much better attitude to money than I had before.

We have a super-rich uncle who still buys the yellow sticker stuff and hunts out a bargain. I have to bite my tongue because I think morally he should leave the yellow-stickered stuff for low income families. Why would you want to save pennies like that if you were very wealthy?

You are soon to own your home mortgage free and have 2 rental properties that will one day also be paid off and give you an additional income or could be sold to fund retirement, you are in a much better position financially than 99% of the population will ever be.

It sounds like the real issue is trauma you are hanging ontofrom the financial insecurity of your childhood and that therapy to get past that might be a good investment.

You will never feel secure until you tackle your underlying fears around money and uncertainty. You could have a billion and still feel insecure because it's not about the money and there is no magic number. Therapy is a good plan.

I have much empathy OP!

Dh and I have this irrational fear of spending money, both from very humble backgrounds but at times it borders on piss taking!

Overheard the young adult DC laughing at us how we bought fruit from a budget supermarket that in their view tasted rank when they knew we could ‘do better’.

To be fair we do go on holidays and treat ourselves but gosh, a roof repair of a few thousand pounds will send us in to melt down.

We face similar, hubby and I both having grown up without much emotional or financial stability. We both left home at 18 with no money. Now in 40s and 50s we are the only financially secure people in both our families, aside from 1 person who inherited their wealth.
Can you reframe things, ie what helps me is seeing that in my family tree, I am the first to change things, to provide our child stability, to live easier and even though we are very careful, to be able to dream a little and plan nice things.

As others have mentioned, Millionaire Next Door is a great book, Your Money or Your Life is another.

"At what point will this savings/investment regime reap rewards - if ever?"
You have a nearly paid off house, kids at fantastic schools and several holidays a year. What further reward do you need?

"I will never reach the fabled 600k pension that you need for a modestly comfortable retirement."
Surely if you sell those two rental properties when you get to retirement you must be there or thereabouts?

"we charge 30% below market rent as we don’t want to be pricks"
This comment baffled me a bit - if it's a money-making investment why don't you charge as much as you can? Or if you don't like the idea of other families being exploited by landlords why don't you sell them so that two families can buy their own homes, and put the money in a pension instead?

I think you've realised that when you have lid the mortgage, sorted your pension, have savings etc you still don't feel rich.

We are rich by most standards but don't particularly feel that way. I think it's because money doesn't change who you are, your background, your upbringing, your experiences will stay with you. Money makes life easier.

How to get richer? It usually involves taking risks, or long term investments.

Wrong.. rich people don’t wear designer items with logos all over them. Generally. There are lots of exceptions.

This really resonates with me.

I grew up poor, we were homeless until I was seven. That type of experience really stays with a person.

As a result I feel very much like you.

Outwardly living a great life, but often worried about money even though we have a decent buffer.

I squirrel away as much as I can but feel stressed when I have to part with money for holidays etc.

For me I know it's about having a sense of security. I do wish I could be more carefree though

.

The mindset change you mention OP is probably one of changing from expecting scarcity to one of expecting abundance. This is surprisingly deep stuff - psychologically and even spiritually, as it involves issues of self-esteem and what you feel you "deserve". "You can Heal your Life" by Louise Hay is still the go-to book on this. The mindset change is not really only about matters material but much wider and deeper, and really worthwhile.

@AmaryllisChorus - this makes no sense. Nobody checks if you’re ‘poor’ enough to buy the yellow sticker items. If you leave them, there is no guarantee than a future purchaser is less well off. Surely it makes more sense to donate to a food bank or community fridge?

I think it gets to a certain point of wealth and then you don’t think about it any more. I was born into humble beginnings but I’m well off now thanks to a great job. I own my own house and have a very decent pension pot and want to have double that before I retire, minimum. I can buy what I want and do what I want. I don’t worry about if I can afford it because I can. Having a decent salary is one thing but being truly well off does change your mindset.

We were poor growing up and started life together with ver small amounts of spare cash.

we have worked hard and are mortgage free. We have to budget our fun money and our holiday money and then we HAVE to spend this.
All other items are budgeted for and we will have a good pension income when the time comes.

but we have to work hard to spend the budget fun money, we have worked hard for this and it is getting easier to go our for meals or to the theatre or a London show. It takes time to learn to do this. And a really good spreadsheet

You can do both! WE can't check another penny pinching wealthy person doesn't buy them, but if I don't, there's more chance someone who can't afford better can get something before they run out.

DS is on minimum wage on London rent. That doesn't go far. He often comes back from work and picks up yellow sticker stuff. His nearest supermarket is in a wealthy neighbourhood. If his rich neighbours bought that stuff, he'd eat more baked beans and less fresh fish.

We suffered financial abuse growing up so we were effectively poor, and this is the main contributing factor for my ‘scarcity mindset’. I just can’t stop worrying about not having enough money, running out of time to achieve goals, or ‘falling behind’.

I’m wondering if therapy would help but I have no idea how to find a good therapist who can help with this issue specifically.

How much is rich here? I’m never sure when people say rich exactly what they mean.

I've always had a passive income number in mind and will feel "poor" until I've reached it (passive income desired £150,000 divided by net after tax drawings available determines how much is needed to ensure it doesn't run out: £150,000/.03=£5,000,000) (based on a AAA portfolio that returns 6% of value every year with half of that going to taxes, very conservative).

You will never be rich enough. There will always be something else bigger, brighter, better to chase. You have to learn that the grass isn't always greener and to appreciate what you have otherwise you'll either be unhappy craving more or burn through it chasing the next big thing.

I remember being ill in bed and laying in the nice bed sheets I'd recently bought, nice being from John Lewis not Argos and I was watching one of those Housewives shows and they had spent £10k on bedding for one bed (£10k 😲). It just blew my mind. You will always find something to spend it on.

Thank you for all your replies. The PP who talked about trauma probably holding me back is probably right.

I put ‘rich’ in inverted commas because we don’t feel rich and live in a fairly ordinary London house but based on current income (due to go down) shortly, we are supposedly in top 1% of households.
@Noicant you asked what Rich meant so I guess technically we might be classed at this but it must mean so must half the people I know!

I think I only know less than a handful of properly rich people (6 million house or daughter of billionaire etc) and it’s crazy to think they’re technically in the same 1% bracket when our income is in very low six figures (still very lucky I know) but theirs has an extra zero or 3 at the end!

@AmaryllisChorus I found a free download of the book you recommended, thank you! He seems to praise Trump quite a lot for his business acumen but this was written long before he strayed into politics!