DH massively wasting money

[orangejoose]

Hi,

I am trying to curb DH's spending habits. Having been through our accounts I can see that he is spending about £300 of his disposable income on non-essentials. I think that this is outrageous.

We are supposed to be paying off a credit card and a loan to his parents for our house renovations ( 20K in total) and this money should be going towards that.

He only uses a debit card so he's not accruing debt, but this money could be used so much ore wisely.

AIBU

Depends. Are payments being made regularly each month towards the credit card debt and money owed to his parents? If so, I don’t think there is anything wrong with being able to spend some of your own disposable income on things you want.

Agree with previous poster, if this is his “fun money” as in the money left after all bills are paid & monthly payments made towards credit card/parents, then I think YABU.

I would think if you're not tracking your spending, it would be relatively easy to burn through 300 quid on non-essentials - a Pret here, a Starbucks there. Top-up shop on the way home that includes some extra treats, or going in the Tesco Express because it's convenient despite being pricier, etc.

What is he spending it on? And what is his view on how much he could curb that by planning ahead? A 'treat' budget is important to make it easier to stick to the main budget and get that debt cleared. But 300 quid when you're carrying 20K in debt definitely feels wrong.

So much more context here needed.. how does this compare to your spending? How do you agree disposable income generally? How much are you putting towards debt, is he not matching this? Etc etc…

Need more context! Is the £300 ‘fun money’? Ie have all bills been paid before he spends that?

If bills are paid you can’t control money that way, even if you have debt. What’s the point in working all week and then not being able to spend a penny on yourself?

Do you want him to put everything he earns into debt? And then you decide if it’s acceptable for what he wants to buy? Because that is classic financial abuse.

Do you each have an equal amount of fun-money?

What is a non-essential in your view? Are minimum payments being met?

obviously depends on the exact amounts, what he's earning, how much you are both paying back per month for the debt, whether his parents need the money back, etc. but generally I would agree with you OP - if I owed that much my focus would be on trying to pay it back asap. 'fun' money of £200 a month is still more than a lot of people.

But then I'm very debt adverse. I also would be a bit embarrassed to be essentially bankrolled by my parents while I spent money on luxuries as a working adult.

Depends if it's solely his disposable income. If it is then YABU. If it's coming out of the family spending pot.

I wouldn't be impressed if DP tried telling me how I could spend my own money.

Edit: if it's coming out of the family spending pot then YANBU.

You need to set a budget that includes payments for the debts and leaves you both with equal spending money. If he chooses to spend his spending money on nonsense that’s his choice. But a budget is needed to ensure things are being paid off in a timely manner. Or has this already been done and this £300 is his agreed spending money??

This is how we budget as a family.

Once we've agreed how much each of us has as disposable income, it's nobody's business but my own what I spend mine on.

However, like you'd I'd prefer to clear the debts before splurging excessively. Do you have a plan how to much to pay towards the credit card and parent loan each month?

Thanks for the posts, however I realised that I have missed our something quite significant.

He is spending £300.... a week NOT a month. Yes, I kid you not, on average he is burning through £300 every week. This is my issue. I would have no issue with £300 a month.

Here are some examples of where it is going -

Trip to Supermarket for breakfast each morning, plus snacks and anything else that catches his eye - £10-15 a day

2 starbucks coffees a day - £7ish

lunch at work each day - £5ish

He works near to the city centre so will often pop in the shops on his way to the train and buy clothes etc - £40 week on average I would say

Amazon purchases - usually music memorabilia or fishing equipment - £50 a week

'boys' night. He goes out every Friday with the boys ( I work Friday evenings) for a curry and beers - £70 sometimes more

weekend spending - if we pop into town etc. He will pick up bits from the shop that he really doesn't need

Treats for me and the DC's - He is generous and will often come home with posd food from M&S or Waitrose, however we don't need this stuff as we will have a fridge full.

Can you see where this money is going now!!

Okay so I think the main message of these posts remain the same, altho I think most people would agree spaffing £1,200/month when you owe £20,000 is not on.

You need to agree a budget, which can include some money for treats. You both then need to stick to the budget. However, it doesn't seem as if he thinks wasting this much money is a problem. Can you show him how much quicker the debt will be paid off if he's putting an extra (say) 900 quid in per month? I would guess the debts' terms may be too favourable, ie interest free, so it's not costing money to have the debt?

Ok £1200 is a lot but the context is still missing. DH and I each get £600 a month of 'fun money' - money we can each spend how we want after all bills and savings. If DH wanted to spend more than that it would need to be on his credit card or money that he might have left over from previous month.

If he is spending £1200 a month on debit cards that implies there is a reasonable amount of cash just sitting in an account that he can spend (unless it's going overdrawn). So you need to get some controls in place on your joint funds.

Regardless of that though, the point from most posts remains, is this his “fun” money? So are payments to credit cards and loan made before he spends this?

Because if they are and this is how he chooses to spend his extra money then again it’s up to him really.

I find it’s all the little spends that add up and can’t believe how much money we get through each week on the odd coffee, sandwich etc. I definitely think your DH should drop the supermarket breakfast each day, occasionally is fine, but every day isn’t necessary and probably not healthy. Do you go through your spending together so he can see how much he’s spending.

We are in the same boat trying to pay off a loan and little bits make a huge difference. £300 is a lot. However, I don’t think he should have nothing to spend on himself. Have you worked out a budget?

Depends on his income and if all other commitments are being met. But on the face of it yes, £300 a week is a tad heavy.

All of the bills are paid before this expenditure so it's not impacting us in that way, however it's money that could be used to pay off debt more quickly or to save. £1200 per month seems such a lot to basically spend on day to day stuff.

Your house must be fit to bursting if he’s buying new clothes and hobby equipment week after week!

I'd be about 30 stones if I did this!

I think it’s definitely something you need to talk about.

But it need to be a conversation, not a telling off. And it needs to be about everything.

the fact is £1200pm on bits is a lot. Regardless of your income. Even cutting down by half would pay the debt down alot quicker. But the timeline is a joint decision. Not just one persons.

But also, how much are you paying off the debt. When do you expect the debt to be paid off? Are you also saving? Do you get equal amounts of money to spend? All these things have to be considered and there is plenty of room for a compromise that you are both happy with.

You need to sort out how you arrange your money and show him if he was to put £900 per month into a savings account each month - leaving him £300 to spend ....that over 3 years that would make

£35,923.33 @ 5%

Two meals out a day, plus 2 trips to starbucks, and out on a friday night? Wowsers!