Miscarriage = Abandoned by your Midwife?

[FannyAnn]

Hello,

Please allow me to introduce myself: I'm a 3rd year Student Midwife with a particular interest in supporting women who have suffered a childbearing loss. In June 2005 I myself suffered a missed miscarriage at 13 week's gestation, complicated by subsequent sepsis following ERPC during which I very nearly lost my life. While the clinical management at the time was exemplary, I have to say I was utterly appalled at the lack of compassion shown to me by the staff who were supposed to be 'caring' for me throughout my ordeal. While some adopted a cold, 'matter of fact' approach, others seemed completely out of their depth and appeared not to know how to act or what to say to me, which in turn, made me feel worse.

However, the biggest blow to me was that on losing my baby my relationship with my midwife ended. She was a lovely individual with whom I connected immediately and we had met on 3 occasions during my early antenatal appointments. I was, therefore, shocked and upset that she didn't phone or visit me after I lost the baby. I was in a terrible state emotionally and had so many questions that I needed answering by someone I trusted - I felt completely abandoned by her, as if the fact I didn't have a baby in my womb anymore meant I was no longer worthy of her time.

As part of my third year studies, I'm looking at formulating an holistic care pathway to guide Healthcare Professionals in caring for women who have experienced early pregnancy loss, concentrating specifically on the role the Midwife plays during this time. Having spoken to numerous Community Midwives, I am sad to say that many do not see it as within their remit to be contacting/visiting women in their caseload who have experienced early miscarriage. I therefore anticipate an uphill struggle to effect any change! However, I am determined in my aim and in order to support my endeavours, would be interested in hearing your experiences/opinions about the way your care was handled during early pregnancy loss, in particular the impact this had on your relationship/opinion of your midwife. I would also like to know exactly what you would like or expect from your Midwife during this time (preconception advice for example)and any other suggestions you think may be of relevance to a Care Pathway of this type.

Many thanks in advance and my heartfelt sympathy to all those mourning the loss of a little one xx

so sorry to hear that, i had 5 consecutive misscarriages, all diffrent, with one i gave birtth to the sack, it was taken of me and i was ushred off to bed, no mention of it again and out the next day, did not why it happened what happened to it , nothing, then i went for a scan and was told it had died 2 wks earlier, and on another i was left in A and E for 14 hours, when i did get a bed, it was maternity, with babies and women in labour, i was gutted and dischrged myself, with in a few hours,, my doctor was fantastic, he visited me everyday, ane even sent the midwife round, to check on me,so now when i make a booking appointment, mw automatically sends me for a scan. i am miffed because i have moved town, and have had to weigh, 4 wks to see the midwife, and given a scan appintment at the end of nxt month, i have my first visit with mw on monday,and want to ask her, why i not got early care, because of high risk. i am going on 8 wks, and dread everyday, i dont sleep and go to the toilet and expect to see blood.

I have been struggling recently with feeling abandoned by my midwife. I have just suffered a 3rd MC, 11.5 wks by dates but the baby had died at 9 wks. After my first 2 early MC I had a baby girl called Jessica. I had a very complicated pregnancy, Jess had complex heart problems and was born at 34 wks. She died aged 9 weeks and never came home. I do now have a wonderful little boy who is nearly 2 but we had been trying for another baby for 11 months, I have worsening endometriosis and needed clomid to conceive. We were so happy to be pg and quite confident (had a normal scan at 7 wks) so our world fell apart when I started to bleed. This was my 5th pg and I only have 1 child yet I have heard nothing from MW or HV who all no my history. I have been left to sort out myself follow up with my specialist having to call secretaries and inform them of MC. I was asked to try and organise tests on the baby myself as it was a different hospital which now can't be done because nobody thought about my history at the time. I even had to cancel my own MW appt. I am a nurse and pride myself on the care I give and I am shocked at what little compassion I have received. I hope you make a difference even if it is just to make MW's think more about the effects of Mc.

My experience 'exactly'(twice), FannyAnn, including being very ill with a streptococcus (with a haemorrhage in-between) and good that you're taking up the issue. I complained to my doctors' practice, and the hospital manager, about the very same thing; I think note and action were taken. My own case was most awfully complicated by my then husband, in full-blown midlife meltdown (savagely turning on me like a once trusted dog), also abandoning me. Slightly ironically, he works in a company producing medical instruments here in Devon, but Dr John Hems showed no mercy to his multiple-bereaved wife and his daughters want nothing to do with him either: that's probably a first for him in terms of the impact of loss. Pity he didn't appreciate them rather, and ALL the babies I carried, rather more. We need to 'stand up' for our miscarriages , so to speak (not easy, I know, when we're grieving and confused) in the face of the indifference which many of us have encountered.

Very sorry to hear of your loss.

EPU staff were sympathetic to me when they scanned (had a MMC at 12 weeks), but patronising to DP, and could have done a lot better really.

I had a natural loss that weekend and went for follow up scan, they told me there was a bit more to lose but that was it.

No-one contacted me and I didn't feel like anyone cared. I went to see the GP two weeks after on their advice but I had to make the appointment myself. I had an outstanding appointment with the midwife that was left over from when I was still pregnant, EPU had told me they'd cancel that but didn't, so the recepitionist reminded me about it when I was in there to see GP.

I would have really appreciated it if the midwife had called me or written or something. As it was I just felt ignored. It took me a long time to get back to normal afterwards and I suffered with a lot of anxiety. I think if there had been better more holistic care I could have recovered sooner.

With my 2nd pregnancy although my midwife was lovely and supportive about the MMC before, other HCPs I saw during the pregnancy were very blase about when they saw it on my notes. Just sort of casual, no making a point of being sympathetic about it. It was like it didn't count.

I am sorry to hear of all of your losses. I have been a regular reader of this forum since my MMC and have to thank you all for being so honest about your experiences. It has helped me to know I am not alone.

I found about about my MMC at the 12 week scan in January. The staff at the EPU where i had my ERPC were great. I have not heard a peep from my GP or midwife - oh apart from a letter 5 weeks after the ERPC congratulating me on my pregnancy - one hell of a kick in the teeth I didn't need at the time.

Good luck with your studies FannyAnn and thank you for looking into this. Things need to be more joined up!

Great topic; please do everything you can.

Today was my EDD for our first baby . MMC at 12 weeks )but dies at 8 weeks}. Sonographer was very kind. EPAU just left me alone behind the curtains; they didn't care. As They fitted the cannula I started crying and asking if they were absolutely sure it was dead, I suddenly was so afraid that they might think I was having an abortion and had me mixed up. They dealt with it by saying, right, let's get on with this and injecting the propofol. I wish anyone had just appeared to care. I may hav been 22 and it may have been unplanned, but I was so happy and excited at the thought of a baby.

my 2nd pregnancy was molar. found out at 12 week scan that it was a missed miscarriage then 3 months later was told it was molar. never heard from the community mw, who i had seen once at 10wk booking in appt. i only saw her again when i booked in for my 3rd pregnancy.

the whole molar escapade was another debacle but that's perhaps beyond what you're hoping to resolve.

however, one particular part that stuck in my mind was as the anaesthetist was prepping me before my ERPC she said to me, as i was crying, 'oh love, you'll be ok. where should you be right now?' i guess she meant as in, at work, or at uni or whatever. in my head i was thinking..buying baby clothes i just cried and didn't answer.

never has an anaesthetic going in felt sooo good.