Miscarriage after IVF

[GorgonsGin]

I think i am in the process of miscarrying after a cycle of IVF - I have severe cramps, bright red heavy bleeding, clots. I went to the hospital this morning for a blood test to chech HSG levels and I am waiting to hear when I can go for a scan, but I am very pessimistic . I had two embryos put back, so it has been suggested that perhaps one twin being miscarried, but I don't want to get my hopes up. The doctor was pretty down beat.

We have been TTC for two and a half years and finally got to the top of the IVF queue and now this. It was early days, but I am absolutely gutted and can't see it ever working out for us.

I just needed to "talk".

So sorry to read your news - it must be very, very hard. How is your dh doing?

thanks NL. He's abroad . He is upset too, but can't talk where he is. He wants to be supportive, but he's trying to be practical too which isn't really helping me. Lots of "it wasn't meant to be". My emotions are everywhere - the IVF rollercoaster, the positive test result after so long (my God, we were so excited), then the bleeding starting

I think it's a very typical male reaction to want to fix things. They never seem to get that it's a hugely unhelpful reaction because somethings just can't be fixed! Can he get home soon - it's hard on both of you to be apart at this point.

It is so terribly unfair that you've lost this baby but fairness or otherwise doesn't weigh anything in the equation does it?

I know it's too early to think about this now - but do you know yet if you will be able to have another attempt?

Really sorry to hear this. We had dd through our first cycle of IVF but have since had a failure with a fresh cycle and currently going through what is most likely a missed miscarriage with frozen eggs from that cycle. With dd we had 4 eggs and only 1 fertilised. With our 2nd attempt had 14 eggs, 7 fertilised and no joy so you never can tell with IVF. Best of luck with your next attempt. I know loads of people for whom it hasn't worked first time and who have gone on to have a baby on their 2nd cycle.

Gorgons, I am so sorry to hear what you are going through - we had exactly the same on our first cycle of IVF. The stress of the cycle, the euphoria of the +ve test and then the devastation of the m/c. We had a missed m/c of twins at seven weeks - heartbreaking .

You will find the strength to carry on but you need to give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. We both went for counselling, together and separately, which really helped.

We also lost our 2nd pg, but had our DS last year from our 3rd cycle and amazingly I am now 7 wks pg naturally.

Take care of yourself.

This might help too:

Miscarriage Association

Dear GG,

I had a late miscariage (19 weeks) from my first cycle of IVF; however, I did think I'd lost my baby at 7 and half weeks though when I had a terrible two hour bleed. When I went for a scan next day, there was a little heartbet still there. They said it was probably the second embryo being evacuated. I don't want to get your hopes up but you never know.

Any miscarriage is devastating but I know after IVF it's such a bitter terrible blow. You have all my sympathy; I hope you can find a way through this to happiness and hopefully a baby in the future.

Nb Don't want to get you worried about late miscarriage btw; it's extremely rare and mine was caused by a giant fibroid and nothing to do with my baby being conceived through IVF.

thank you everyone for posting.

extremelychoclatey - I am so sorry to hear about your missed m/c. I hope you are finding the support you need too.

spongebrain - you've said exactly how I feel - the 2ww's nervousness, the +ve euphoria, the crashing lows, the panic it will never happen to me. You feel all over the place! i have never had so many different emotions. My DH doesn't want to go to counselling because he says that he doesn't want to dwell on what did happen because he says that will depress him, but look forward to what could happen next cycle and he can do that on his own. I think I need to talk this through, so will probably go myself.

springblossom - i am so sorry for the loss of your baby. You sound so strong. Are you having further IVF cycles? Because I had two embryos transferred, for a little while I clung to the hope that there was maybe one little one left, but I have had blood tests and the HSG dropped away, so that is looking very unlikely. The bleed was fairly massive, so I don't think anything could have clung on anyway. Another blood test on Wednesday to see if its dropped to nothing so i can be classed as a -ve. It would be six weeks and they won't scan me, but there doesn't seem much point pushing for one with low HSG and no symptoms.

I am finding dealing with the loss very hard, but I am also obsessing about the second cycle - did anyone rush back in or how long did you wait? Why am i so impatient about this? I am still grieving.

In some ways I found my first cycle of IVF (it was ICSI) "easy" IYKWIM. We were excited to do something positive after two years and we were relatively relaxed, the drugs didn't have many side effects on me, and it went like clockwork (11 eggs, 6 fertalised and all high grade, two transferred, four frozen) That is, it went like clockwork, up until the bleeding started . I know nothing is guaranteed in IVF, but mentally I was in an ok place and I want need to get back that positivity for cycle #2, but I find my panic levels rising when I think about another cycle and what if I miscarry again or it doesn't work? It's getting my head together that's so hard. My body seems to be sorting itself out.

Hi GG,
Just reading your message struck a chord with me, I had a m/c after 7 weeks following our first IVF cycle. It was absolutly devastating and you really need to give yourself plenty of time to get over it and accept that you will have some bad days and some better days for a while. We didn't get any frosties so we will have to go for another cycle later on this year. I am changing my job in the meantime so we are going to wait for a bit so I can settle in. Its not ideal but we want to be in a good place before we try again to give it a maximum chance of working. Like you, I had no trouble with the physical treatment, its just dealing with the outcome that has been hard and I think I'm a bit scared to try again. I also feel the panic that you describe, its bound to happen after what you've been through. Myself and DH told ourselves we would give it 3 goes before deciding what to do next and because we have that commitment it makes it easier somehow and some days I even can't wait to try again. Be kind to yourself and give it time honeybun, you'll be raring to go soon enough.

Onion x

Onion - I am so sorry for your loss and that you have also been through this. I hope you are coping ok and thank you for posting your experiences. The most eloquent thing i can say is that it is miserably, royally crap . I am sad that so many other people on MN have been through m/c after IVF too. Unthinkingly (living in self pitying GG world maybe ), i thought that no-one else would see this thead who had been through the same thing.

I think you are right about needing to get my head together before cycle #2, but I am scared of getting too old. I am 33 (34 in the summer) so not ancient in IVF terms, but I'm obsessed with "getting on with it" and it is taking soooo much time. I know what you mean about being scared to try again though.

Wishing you the best of luck with your next IVF cycle later in the year

Changing jobs can be one of the uber-stress times of your life, so trying to settle in and go through IVF at the same time would add up to a lot of pressure. I can absolutely understand why you wouldn't want to do both. Did your dream job come up? You sound very sensible (not like me!)!

I am really interested that you have moved jobs, sort-of-mid-IVF. I have felt paralysed in my job for a while. Hate it, but was sticking it out for the maternity benefits and because I didn't want the stress of moving while going through IVF. And now when I have reaaaaalllly had enough I can't leave - mortgage and in recession hit London there are NO other jobs in my line of work. In my (post m/c, screwed up) mind I have tied up IVF with not only being desperate for a baby, but having maternity leave as a way out.

Hi GG,
Nice to hear from you and thanks for your kind message. I am not coping great and myself and husband have had a few challenging times lately but we're still in here fighting so hope we will get some luck soon. Its a very sad situation and the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I am very worried about the age thing, I have a few years on you though because I am 38 but I figure its better to do treatment when you are happy and less stressed than when you are stressed whatever your age. Its scary but important to be ready. Thanks for the good luck. I was in a sort of interim job that I took after being made redundant because you need to pay your bills don't you? I've found something that is more me and better for all sorts of reasons but I fancy retraining for a different career in the next autumn term as I'm a bit disillusioned with the one I am in (marketing). We have been TTC for 3 years and I've been made redundant once and then landed this job. As we are funding our IVF treatment we don't have any money anyhow and this job pays better so hopefully I can top up our savings and either use it for treatment no. 3 (hopefully not needed) or to supplement lack of maternity pay. The companies I have worked for have not offered much anyhow, 95% salary for 6 weeks then statutory so there's not really much to lose if you can find a better paid job. I was hoping that I would be looking forward to maternity leave now but its not meant to be. If I got pregnant when I had just started my new job it would be a wonderful problem to have I reckon and we'd find a way. I didn't think there were any jobs around for me but I eventually found this one, something always comes along, you wait and see.

Feel free to get in touch anytime you would like to chat.

Onion xx

Just wanted to say hi to everyone and wish you luck. It has been confirmed that I've had a missed miscarriage so just waiting for the bleed. The nurse I saw yesterday said that on average it took 3 IVF cycles to have a child so onionlove it looks like no. 3 will be your lucky one.

Just before I started on first course of IVF I attended a Mindy Body Seminar which was a support group for women trying to have a child - this is the website. I just happened upon the group when I went to the Bridge Centre in London for a second opinion and it was fantastic. We met once a week and gave each other support but also explored different techniques for relaxation and mindfulness. There was a relaxation CD they gave us which was really useful - I oould copy it and post it to you if you are interested. There were 11 of us in the group - some like me had been trying naturally without yet starting IVF, others had already had cycles and could guide you through the process, others had to have egg donation. 9 out of 11 had babies and I'm sure the support given by the group was one of the reasons for the figure being so high. I would definitely recommend going to a group if there is one near you.

hello to all the ladies here.

extremelychoclatey - i am so sorry for your loss. I really hope that you are getting lots of help and support in RL to get you through this. Thinking of you. It is the most painful thing I have ever gone through and I am trying to stay positive for next time, but it is so so hard, isn't it? Hope your DH/DP is ok too - my DH is being pretty uncommunicative, but I know he is hurting too. Have have you and your DH thought if you are going to try again?

Thank you for the tip about the support group. I am in London, so may well look into it. During my first cycle I wanted very much to do it "on my own". By that i mean that i was scared of comparing experiences and measuring myself against anyone else or getting too obsessed or into a competitive frame of mind (it's my nature ), so while I read what i could on the subject, undertook accupuncture etc, deliberately stayed away form groups or chat rooms/threads comparing experiences of IVF. I was nervous of joining IVF support groups in case i was the odd one out who didn't make it, if that makes sense and i think i was in a better place for being fairly "tunnel vision" about everything. I'm not expressing it very well!

I got my blood test results from the hospital yesterday, so I'm officially not pregnant anymore, which is sort-of-good-news sort-of-highly-depressing-news at the same time. Horrible feeling. They want me to see the consultant before embarking on cycle #2 because was "an unusual case" , so i am waiting for an appointment with him.

I got quite teary again last night. the hospital gave me a photograph of my two little embryos before they were put back and I found it and I cried my eyes out.

Onion - nice to "talk" to you. Are you in London too and are you going privately or NHS? I am sorry to hear you and your DH are going through ups and downs too. It's very hard on a relationship and our stress levels have got in the way of enjoyment/living life. I think my lovely DH feels "to blame" - we are doing ICSI because he has a very poor sperm count - and that adds to his guilt/pressure.

DH and I have been talking a lot about the next cycle. We have decided to go for another full cycle as soon as we can get to the top of the queue again. We are NHS, but I found out that while cycle #2 is funded, we go back to the start and join the back of the queue again with the newbies. Call me naive, but i had assumed that once in the system they shoved you through your next funded cycle to free up space behind you. So it looks like it may take us longer than we hoped to get there - maybe six months according to soem Googling. If it's a long wait, we are thinking of biting the bullet and going private. In my mind, I feel "ready" to go again. I think I will be in a worse place with stress and mentally if I have to bide my time. Taking the next step is in some ways the most positive thing i can do and will get me in the best frame of mind. It will be three months at least (they demanded two "natural" periods) and I will use that time to get myself in even better shape.

Dear Gorgons and other ladies on here:

I just wanted to send out my condolences. As I was reading through your posts, I just couldn't help but write even though I haven't done IVF (yet?). I am so darn frustrated though because of all the waiting...I've had 3 mc's, I'm 31, and have no children. I've been trying to get preggers again for the last 3 months and so far nothing. I know it will happen again but I hate all the waiting, and then once it does happen again, I'll be a nervous wreck every time I go to the bathroom and pull down my underwear.

I'm quite interested in IVF as I've heard not only women TTC do it but also women with recurrent mc's. I was wondering if any of you have had pre-implantation genetic screening on the embryos? I've read about it and it seems like it could help. They test the embryos for chromosome abnormalities before they put them in, which would rule out any chromosomal issues.

I was also wondering what your docs say is the reason for losing the pregnancies - chromosome issues or something else? I'm currently on progesterone suppositories, thyroid meds, and folgard...It could be any number of things with me. Did you ladies have tests done or do you take other meds? I'm just so curious because I'm considering doing IVF if I have a 4th mc (please God no)...

Thanks for sharing your stories and I hope things will work out with all of us. IN the meantime, it's agonizing. I know what you (Gorgons and onion) are saying about work. I am a teacher and also going to grad school and I am so depressed lately that it's hard for me to focus and I just don't want to even be at work most of the time! I was also looking forward to maternity leave (before my 1st and 2nd mc's!) and I was even thinking about cutting down my hours to part time because my dh said he could pick up the slack....and now I'm totally beat down and feel like it will never happen for me. Will I ever be able to work part time?!! LOL. I hope so...

Thanks GorgonsGin. Am feeling okay for now as I know how lucky we are to have dd. Having to get my head around to our family being just the three of us which dh is struggling with more than I am. He is of Indian origin and for him family - even if you don't get on with them - is paramount so he worries about dd in the future as she has no cousins either. I think we just have to try to make the best of things as they are.

Bleeding has started today which I am relieved about as I wasn't looking forward to waiting for the bleed to start in a week's time and then having to decide which steps to take next.

I found the support group really useful as it provided a place I could say whatever I felt - about dh or whatever was bothering me - in an evironment where people could understand. I was also worried that I might be dragged down by negative stories or be the oldest person there - I had just turned 39 - but neither scenario happened. It was also good to share theories as to what we had read and what people had tried and with what success. I know acupuncture works for many people but I went to a good therapist before I tried IVF and, from looking at my temp charts, it appeared to mess up my ovulation so didn't work for me.

daynee - I saw some of your posts on another thread. I am very sorry - three m/c must be very difficult to bear. I hope you are managing to stay positive despite everything you are going through - your posts do sound like you are managing to be strong. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best with your studying. You do have a lot on your plate at the moment. It is my ambition to work part time too - if i do it, it means that I'll have a DC abecause DH won't let me otherwise, because I'll be "bored"

My IVF follow up doctor's appointment is in a couple of weeks and no doubt they will advise then if they are worried about genetic issues. I haven't had any genetic screening and it's not something I have considered really. I have only had one m/c, so I am assuming that it is "one of those things" and while it is heartbreaking for us, m/c is so common there is nothing to make me thing that there is any suggestion of a genetic problem with us. DH had some basic screening because his sperm count was very low and they wanted to check for possible genetic causes for his condition (they found nothing), but as far as I know that's nothing to do with embryo testing.

extremelychocolately - I am glad the bleeding has started now for you, although it must be horrible too. I hope you are not finding it (physically) too painful.

Your DD has two fanstastic parents, so I am sure she will not miss siblings. My best friend is an only child and she is the happiest, most confident warm person with a fantastic relationship with her parents and so many friends. She is a great role model and i know how great it can be to be an only child.

i found accupuncture helped me, but probably from a relaxation point of view and stress management. I am very lucky to have a clockwork cycle, so i noticed very little difference that i could attribute to accupuncture, although I really enjoyed it! I'm clearly a masochist (sp?), loving needles being stuck into me!

hello to onionlove, springblossom and squarepants. Hope you are managing ok.

I meant spongebrainbigpants - sorry.

Hi GG,
I'm not in London but the West Country, I attend the Fertility Clinic in Oxford who are wonderful! We are funding ourselves as the postcode lottery over here makes me too old but that is another story!! I think me and DH are getting there now, I'm sure we have more ups and downs to come but we are working hard to limit their effects on each other. I found yesterday particularly difficult as it was mother's day and we had his daughter over, I tried to bite my lip but I got a bit frustrated towards the end of the weekend, bound to happen I guess, she is very clingy at the moment so I feel a bit left out sometimes - not her fault though, she's only little.

Its a shame that the NHS move you to the back of the queue after your first cycle, hopefully it won't take as long as you first think but if you can afford it and you want to go private I would go for it. I'm a bit in limbo land until we can cycle again but I have just changed my job so that will keep me busy for a couple of months in the meantime, we want to make sure we are both in a good starting place rather than rushing into it I guess. I must do some serious exercise and diet before then!

Hi Daynee, - I'm sorry to hear your news. I'm not sure why we lost our little one, it may have been chromosomes but my clinic does not do the testing yet so I'm not sure, I didn't take any other meds apart from progesterone to support the pregnancy. Best of luck to you with what you decide.

Hello to all of you other ladies, I hope you're well.

Onion xx

hello Onion

I am sorry that Mothers day was hard for you. It must be difficult because your DH has his DD an so understands what it is like to be a father when you want so desperately to be a mum. It certainly wasn't my favourite day either, not least because my stressed out mother decided to pick a fight with me (she's moving house and in a foul mood ). I kept thinking that i should eb rejoycing in being preganant now and telling people, not being sad for what happened. I think it was doubled by the cheering news the next day in a report saying that IVF can increase birth defects - great

Can i ask if you were offered any explanation by your consultant for yoru miscarriage or was it (as I suspect i will be told) "one of those things" ? I do realise that m/c is incredibly common, but with our failure to conceive naturally and the mechanisation of conception that IVF/ICSI brings, it did make me wonder why all was not right with my pregnancy.

It is fantastic that you have a great clinic - how did you go about finding the right one for you? My news is that DH and I talked and we are going to go privately and hope to begin cycle #2 in June. I got the letter from the hospital and my NHS follow up consultant appointment is on 7th May and only then would I be shoved to the back of the NHS queue and I simply couldn't stand the uncertainty. I have to wait two clear periods, so that will be end of may before that arrives I think and then i think i can move forward again.

hello to anyone else lurking or posting,

GG

Hi GG,

Thanks for your message. I wasn't really offered any explanation for the miscarriage, they said it wasn't as a result of the treatment as once you get pregnant it is just like a normal pregnancy. I think they said it was always a chance with any pregnancy and we had been very unlucky but there were lots of plus points to the fact that we got pregnant in the first place so we try to be positive about that. We had a choice of two clinics near to us and I picked the one that I knew the most about. No one I know had attended the other one but I have subsequently heard that they are good too from others. Good news that you are going ahead with cycle No 2. I sometimes look into the assisted conception thread, let me know if you are going to join and we can keep each other company.
Onion xxx

GG, I have just checked back in here to see how you're getting on. Can totally understand your dh not wanting to go for counselling - it's not everyone's cup of tea. Maybe go on your own first time and gently suggest he just accompanies you for one session so you can both talk about your grief and work through it. If he still says no don't push it .

As for going for another cycle, we waited six months - m/c April 06 and cycled again October 06. It felt right for us - we had the summer to recover, get my health back and feel mentally strong enough. I wasn't actually as nervous as I thought I would be going into my 2nd - I was strangely positive because of getting pg on my first. And I also had more counselling as I started.

As for reasons, there rarely are any. Most women who m/c will go on to have a healthy pg and it was that fact that kept me going through my darkest hours. While Mother Nature is an amazing thing, she can also be horribly cruel - infertility and miscarriage seems like the perfect sick joke to me .

Good luck x

Hi to all of you - Chocolatelyroll - I'm sorry things have worked out this way for you after seeing one of your other threads.

I just wanted to add my new consultant's view to this board really. I have a DD from IVF, and have had three IVF cycles since her birth, the last being at the beginning of this year. This cycle gave me a BFP, but there was no heartbeat at the 7 week scan, and I miscarried naturally 3 weeks later. I've moved to a new clinic since then, and my new consultant was positively overjoyed I'd had a recent miscarriage - his view was that it was a hugely positive thing, it showed that I was producing mature eggs capable of fertilisation and that my body was capable of pregnancy. Whilst I wasn't quite on the same page as him as regards the positivity angle, I was glad he was so happy, especially given my age (39).

Anyway, I'll be back on the Assisted Conception thread soon-ish - I have to wait 12 weeks after my miscarriage, so will be downregging mid June I think. Seems like a lifetime away now, but I shall try and use the wait to get fit - couch to 5K anyone?

Hi to all and thanks for your message Onlyaphase. It's interesting what your consultant said. I have heard that the positive - only positive thing - about a miscarriage is that it shows you have the ability to conceive. I have had 2 cycles of IVF and had our dd on first cycle and produced lots of eggs on the next cycle, some of which could be frozen and had a BFP from the frozen eggs. This response to the treatment caused the embryologist to say that I was very fertile. Quite bizarre to hear this as you're sitting in an Assisted Conception Unit. I had resolved not to have another cycle of IVF as I'm a bit worried about long term effects of the drugs - though I know there are no proven links - but I sometimes wonder if we should try again.

Why do you have to wait 12 weeks to have another cycle? Our consultant said we could go straight into another cycle and only advised waiting for one period in order to be emotionally ready. Good luck with getting fit.

Not sure about the 12 week thing - my previous clinic was a great one for waiting 2 clear periods after a negative cycle as well, so I suppose I'm used to it. Would love not to wait, but it wasn't an option for this consultant. I suppose, thinking about it, the risk of over-stimulation is greater if you just bounce from cycle to cycle, as the first normal cycle after IVF does tend to produce more follicles than normal...so the wait could just be to clear your body of all the artificial hormones.

Clinics do differ greatly on this though. My new one has 1 in 3 success rates for live births for my age group, which is fantastic, so I guess I'll just get on with it.

Oh, the other interesting thing my consultant came out with was with respect to his latest results using blastocysts - only 6 out of 41 positive cycles had gone on to miscarry and he said he would expect miscarriage rates to be double this if embryo transfer had been at 2 days not 5 days. Just goes to show how very common miscarriage is, even after IVF.

Good luck with your future treatment

Hi Onlyaphase,
I found it very interesting reading your message and I think I remember you from one of the TTC threads last year. I had nearly the same situation as you, we saw a heartbeat at the 7 week scan but no heartbeat at the 9 week one which was awful. My consultant was also nothing but positive in terms of the treatment although sad about the miscarriage, I also find it hard to be positive but I know its a better situation than a lot of people find themselves in when for whatever reason the treatment doesn't work, I am 38 by the way. I will be starting a new job in a couple of weeks time so we will be delaying treatment until I have settled in and DH job is a little less stressful - hopefully we will be starting June/July time so I may see you on the assisted conception thread :-) I am also trying to get fit I'm hoping the new job will help because at the moment I'm so bored that I'm just comfort eating all of the time.

Take care ladies x

Hi everyone and thanks for your response Onlyaphase. What you said about blastocysts is interesting. Our clinic didn't even suggest it and when we asked about it, one of the nurses said that they can do more harm than good if the egg is a bit fragile to start with.

I think we've decided to go for a second opinion at another clinic - probably the Lister in London - to see what they think our chances are with another cycle.

I've given up sweet things for Lent - including one of the loves of my life, chocolate. Very, very difficult for the first couple of weeks but it has got easier. DH has suggested we continue forever but I think a compromise might be to only have something sweet at the weekend. I've heard that too much sugar can harm your chances of conceiving - something about hormones - so it's something I should be doing anyway. Couch to 5k website looks interesting.