I’m miscarrying at 9 weeks and I feel ok about it

[beelzeboob]

Had a scan yesterday, no heartbeat. There was a heartbeat last week. My immediate thought was....oh!! That’s a shame. But clearly the embryo couldn’t develop so it’s best that this happened. I felt sad and disappointed but nothing more than that. Yet I read and hear about other mothers experiences with miscarriage and they say things like devastation, grief, inconsolable. I just don’t feel any of these things, and this makes me think I’m abnormal.

For context I was desperate to get pregnant so this was a much wanted pregnancy. I also had a stillbirth last year at 30 weeks (placental blood clot) which was absolutely devastating.

Is there anyone else who feels more philosophical about miscarriage rather than devastated? Or am I just emotionally colder than other women?

I have had 2 miscarriages, both about 13 weeks. The first one when I was in my early 20’s I found
the most upsetting as I then I started to doubt that I would ever have children. The last was when I was 40, after having 3 children. With that one I was a bit like the OP, philosophical and thinking maybe the embryo wasn’t viable, although it was physically much harder for my body to bounce back from that. I also wondered if I was perhaps a bit cold for thinking that. It was an unplanned pregnancy and I only felt sad briefly.

I also didn’t really share my feelings with others as it affects everyone differently.

I felt very much the same when I miscarried a couple of years ago.

I suspect that having been through the unimaginable devastation of a late stillbirth , you are very aware that it's not the same thing.

I hadn't had an experience like that but I had children already so I knew that it was the loss of a potential baby, not an actual one.

@beelzeboob I'm so glad I come across this post as I'm very much the same.
I currently have no children and have had 3 miscarriages, a natural MC, then a PUL where I had to have methotrexate in the end, then last month I had a chemical.
The first was definitely the hardest as I saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks and then miscarried a week later. But even then I wasn't "overcome" with grief, I cried for a couple of days and then I felt ok. The other 2 I think I somewhat was waiting for the loss to happen and therefore wasn't overly sad, I didn't even cry. Which sounds awful.
I desperately want a child and I'm still trying, but I often wonder if my feelings make me a cold person or if I'm just very strong and a realist 🤷🏻‍♀️. Either way, everyone handles these situations differently and your feelings are very valid. I'm also glad I'm not alone in feeling this way though xx

@lockdownbabyx sorry to hear of your experiences. I suspect you and I are just, well, more pragmatic about it I guess. It feels good to know it’s not just me x

I’m the same as you. I’m now booked in for a D&C on Tuesday. After three weeks of knowing things weren’t right I felt relieved when the words were finally said. Now, I’m definitely sad but I just want the whole thing over and to move on. DH is actually taking it harder than me, I too come from a scientific background and I think because of this I think about it pragmatically