So I thought I was six and a half weeks pregnant.
Had an early scan about 5 weeks because of spotting - she could only see a 'cystic space' but said it was so early that's quite normal and to come back in a few days for a rescan to see the yolk sac.
Returned, and the sonographer could see what she thought was a faint yolk sac, but she couldn't confirm it. Had two blood tests and hcg was high and rising.
Just had a further scan (a week after the last one) and the cystic space has grown but there's no yolk sac still and no embryo at 6.5 weeks so basically no baby.
I'm devastated. I have horrible morning sickness. I want this thing gone but there's no sign of bleeding so they can't see it happening naturally at the moment.
I've been signed off work with a 'delayed miscarriage'.
The cruel thing is I have to go back for another scan in a week before they will give me a D&C or pessary to end this. I have to wait another week feeling sick before I can have help. Apparently the cystic space is 19mm and they have to wait for it to get to 25mm before they can proceed.
They haven't told me WHY this has happened - blighted ovum? I don't know.
I just want this over. This waiting feels so cruel. I refuse to cling to a tiny hope that in a week they'll see something - they know they won't - they've already said they wish they could give me the D&C or pessary but are not allowed.
Has anyone been in this situation? Or just a kind word.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
This just seems so unfair? Has anyone else been through this?
mushroommayhem · 05/08/2019 10:27
So it's done! I know it seems horrible to say but I'm so relieved it's over as I can try and find closure now and get back to myself. I feel like I start looking forward to things again, instead of being stuck.
I already feel better emotionally knowing the process is done and I so hope you do too once things move forward for you @Willowjasmine. Let me know how it goes at your scan on Friday! You too will get through this 
Procedure details ahead*
*
I'm going to share my experience with the MVA procedure in case it helps anyone
I have to say I did find the MVA procedure very traumatic and painful, although I refused morphine and went into it with paracetamol and no gas and air (think I'm a control freak and hate feeling 'altered'!)
There are a lot of benefits to it which is why I chose it over other options - no general anaesthetic (local injected into cervix), less risk of scarring or damage to cervix or uterus compared to the blind procedure of the ERPC, generally quick recovery due to no GA, less bleeding and visible tissue than medical management etc etc.
I went in at 7am yesterday morning. The nurse who fought to get me in quickly was amazing and with me throughout the whole thing - I cannot fault the care I received, everyone was so compassionate and lovely which made it easier.
I was put in a gown and bed and had a pessary inserted to soften the cervix. I just lay there anxiously waiting to go into theatre, had DP with me. They gave me paracetamol, although offered morphine but respected my choice and didn't push it, along with an anti-sickness medication.
I won't go into detail except to say I found the experience extremely painful, however it is SO surprisingly fast and took less than 5 minutes at the gory bit.
I had a vasovagal response as soon as the last bit (where everything comes away) happened and slipped in and out of consciousness, low heart rate and BP, sweating, shaking and vomiting - BUT I think my vagus nerve (in the cervix) is easily triggered as I vaguely remember having a near faint after a coil insertion, which I didn't even find all that painful in comparison. They call it 'cervical shock'. But not everyone has it at all.
The nurse really looked after me, held my hand, fanned me, brought cold water, they lifted me onto my bed (I couldn't walk after the fainting episode) and eventually I came to, had tea and toast, waited for my anti-D injection and then I was able to get up and get dressed and was discharged. I was out at 12:30.
I'm surprised at how I feel now - after the initial pain and cramping faded (pretty painful for about 20 mins after procedure) I've barely had any more at all! Just very minor cramping and feels a bit sensitive, but nothing I'd even take painkillers for! Bleeding has been minor, not as heavy as the start of a period at all and I've not had any bleeding yet today at all.
I just feel weak and tired, but that's to be expected and probably partly due to the cervical shock response.
I'm definitely in no hurry to TTC again. This was my first pregnancy, was much wanted, and has been a nightmare from start to finish and had such a negative emotional impact. They said I could TTC as soon as bleeding stopped but they advise waiting for a cycle or two so you know where you are dates wise. I won't be going near DP for a while - my poor vagina has been through enough 😂. Everything is still raw so I'm just going to assess how I feel as time goes on and wait until I feel ready.
I would recommend the MVA as a good option - effective, least recovery time and very fast. But you will experience pain and be aware for the whole thing. So make sure you have good care and a good nurse.
I'm sorry to everyone who's gone through this nightmare
@APinkMouse well done for getting through what sounds like a really unpleasant procedure, and thank you for giving details of what actually happened. I think it will help a lot of people if they're searching for answers. Hope you manage to look after yourself and recover - yep I bet sex is the last thing on your mind! I hope your next pregnancy is the complete opposite of this and has a happy ending 
@Willowjasmine hope your scan went as well as can be expected today
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