I need to make an official complaint - experience/advice?

[SeriousStuff]

Sorry for the essay below but I really need some advice. I'm on a separate thread here as I received a confirmed mc on Christmas eve, but the reason for this thread is because I need to file an official complaint against the Dr who dealt with me. This is how it went:

• We got to the EPU on Christmas eve and didn't have to wait long at all. While we were waiting, however, we heard the nurse talking to the Dr who was about to see us and she was telling him that he had 3 appointments that morning, and he sounded very inconvenienced by this - not the best start when you're terrified by what you may just find out about your baby.

• The nurse called us in and the Dr didn't look up from whatever he was doing. I (and DH) stood there for a good 30-40 seconds before he told me to sit down and even then, didn't look up. He was still writing notes and I could clearly see the scan from the previous patient.

• He started asking Qs/filling in the form and at no point did he try to put me at ease. At one point, when I told him that I was passing blood clots, he made a noise that suggested that wasn't a good thing. Surely, he should've just kept quiet.

• Had the internal scan and he said nothing throughout - I could tell that there wasn't anything there but he said nothing about what he was doing or looking for then when he'd finished, just told me to get dressed and he'd talk to me when I was dressed and back round the other side of the curtain. He left. I lay there, inconsolable as I knew what he was going to say. Trying to compose myself, the nurse tried to comfort me and I asked DH to go and speak to him. DH went and asked him what was going on and all he said to DH was "I haven't told her anything yet". As if to say I was jumping to conclusions.

• I finally got dressed and went to speak to him and was told it was an incomplete pregnancy. All very matter of fact. No empathy whatsoever. Said a very insincere "I'm sorry" right at the end when I was bawling my eyes out.

• He left. Nurse left to in order to photocopy my notes for a follow-up appointment. She came back and DH told her that he thought someone should have a word with him and she said that she just had and that's why she took so long. She apologised to us for the way he'd been.

I am in no doubt that the way he treated me and my husband made the whole experience ten times worse. I want to make an official complaint as I don't want anyone else to have to go through that. Surely you work in EPU you should have some bedside manner/empathy. But how should I go about it? Who should I complain to and what should I expect of them?

Sorry for your loss Serious.

Think about what result you want from the complaint. Do you want an apology? Do you want the hospital to take steps to address that doctor's behaviour? Tell you what they intend to do to make sure nobody else will go through what you did?

Whatever you decide you want, put it in the complaint, so it's clear what you are asking for.

The OP said he was rude to her husband in her post at 11:46 .

Oh you poor thing. Yes, write to PALS. I had to do that after my first mc as there were aspects of care/support severely lacking. Look after yourself and allow yourself time to grieve for your loss.

You do have grounds to complain. You should write to your local trust's pals, setting out what happened, as you have here. My career is spent advising nhs trusts on misconduct of doctors. Some trusts may treat this seriously, others won't. Although complaining is the right thing to do and may make you feel better, you will never hear the outcome of any internal hearing / process- just thought you should know that as patients often want to know what happened to doctor x but the trust will not be able to tell you. Terribly sorry for your loss. Xx

I'm quite shocked by some of the responses on here. The direct approach is one thing, but that's not what happened. In fact it was the complete opposite - no acknowledgment when I was standing right next to him when I first walked in, no talking during the scan and then being incredibly rude to DH when he had as much right to ask questions and get some answers as I did.

aginghippy the reason for complaining would be to try and ensure no-one else in such a vulnerable state should have to deal with that at a time when some compassion is required and clear communication - to the woman and her partner.

He didn't speak for 30-40 seconds as he was writing up notes - normal to finish what he was doing

He didn't speak during the scan - normal, he was doing the scan

He didn't explain to your husband until you were there too - normal, otherwise he would probably have to repeat it all again, and you are the patient after all

I have had lots of medical procedures and interventions, and I've had worse interactions with the doctor/surgeon, it may not be desirable, but unless they do something to endanger me by giving a wrong diagnosis/wrong prescription etc, I wouldn't be making a complaint

I'm very sorry this has happened to you, OP. I can empathise as 3 years ago I also had a scan on Xmas eve that confirmed no pregnancy (was meant to be 12wk scan) and know how shocking the diagnosis is.

In my treatment I experienced two very different approaches. My initial sonographer who broke the news was, like the doctor you saw, removed, blunt, expressed no condolences and sent us out with minimal information about what I could expect to happen. I was left reeling from that appointment.

In my follow-up treatment however I was seen and treated by a succession of kind, compassionate medical practitioners. Everyone from the reception midwife to the anaesthetist was gentle with me and it had a huge bearing on my treatment and recovery.

It needs to be acknowledged that miscarriage is NOT just a physical experience - it can and usually does have profound emotional and mental effects. Your doctor might have been trying to efficiently deal with the physical bodies presented to him but he failed entirely to take care of the whole patient - or patients, as your husband is implicated.

If I were you I would put in a complaint to PALS. I wouldn't expect anything to come of it officially other than the doctor and perhaps others in his department being made aware, which might do some good in the long run. It sounds like it would help you come to terms with the experience.

Please look after yourself in coming weeks. The anger, shock and grief of miscarriage take a big toll - give yourself the time and space you need to come to terms with it properly.

Thanks quodlibet. Have my follow-up scan tomorrow and dreading it.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm sorry for how you were treated 😠

I still remember, 12 years on how I was treated by an utter vile bitch of a midwife. I so wish I'd complained.

How did it go OP? How are you doing now?

The follow-up scan was at a different hospital - back where we live. They were lovely. Talked me through the scan - what they were looking for, what they could see and everything (as awful as it all is) was said in a positive way i.e. everything had come away but that was good because I wouldn't need drugs or an op and no worry of infection. The woman who oversaw the department came in at the end just to double check everything and even though she said that this happens incredibly frequently, she followed it up straight away by saying, but that doesn't make it any easier when it does happen. That's all I wanted to hear. It gave me an unexpected feeling of closure.

Thanks for all the kind words - it's really helped over the last few days x

Oh thank goodness you had a better experience this time.

It is so important to have humane and compassionate treatment.

I'm really glad too that you've been treated properly, and that you feel some closure.