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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

MMC - discovered today

71 replies

DulcetMoans · 25/06/2014 18:12

Just looking for a bit of support and advice. I know I can (and will) Google but I have found Mumsnet so helpful in the TTC and pregnancy journey so far I think this has to be my first place to call in.

I went for a private early scan today and the result was not good. People keep asking why I went for the scan but I don't really have an answer. The GP, the EPU - why did you have the scan? I guess something didn't feel right. I didn't feel the same as I did a couple of weeks ago. But I still went expecting reassurance, not a missed miscarriage.

I was supposed to be 11+5, was expecting to be nearer 10+5 but instead there was no heartbeat and measuring between 7-8 weeks. My baby has died.

I am due at the EPU tomorrow where I will have another scan and then discuss the options. I am not really sure what those options are. I had a brief explanation on the phone:

I wait it out and see if I pass naturally - but wouldn't that have happened by now if it died a few weeks ago
I have medication to pass it - is that something I do myself at home? Will I feel ill?
I have surgical intervention - but how long does this take?

How does any of this happen whilst still working full time?

I am devastated - it took us nearly two years to get this far and now it's gone. I also don't understand why I still have some symptoms. I feel a little sick, but that could be from the crying, my boobs hurt and I've been tired throughout. Am I imagine this?

OP posts:
basgetti · 25/06/2014 18:23

So sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC in December, I was supposed to be 13 weeks but scan showed baby had died at just over 8 weeks. I opted to manage it naturally, but that was only because I had started bleeding so knew that the process was already underway. It had taken about 4 weeks from dying for the natural miscarriage to start. I passed the pregnancy about 2 days after the scan and bled for about a further week. It wasn't too bad, I was able to be at home, but I did need strong painkillers which I wasn't given or adivsed about at the EPU, I was lucky that I had some left over from a previous problem that I could use.

I hope you are able to get the information you need tomorrow and make the best decision you can. Wishing you luck xx

TabbyTurmoil · 25/06/2014 18:29

Oh dulcet, I'm really truly sorry for your loss. I hope you and your dh /oh are together and that you have lots of rl support as well as hands to hold here on mn.

No experience to share, just wishing you strength for tomorrow. I don't know your work situ but surely at least a few days off are called for, unless you'd rather soldier on?

Tab xx

thatwhichwecallarose · 25/06/2014 18:36

So sorry you have to go through this.

I have been in a similar position. The first thing I did was phone in sick to work. You need to be at the hospital tomorrow anyway, and if you choose surgical or medical management then you'll probably have it done early next week and will need some recovery time.

I chose surgical. Mmc on tues. Scheduled for thurs but bumped til Friday due to two ectopics who had priority. It was ok actually. I was back at work on the Monday!

Go tomorrow and consider your options (there is no rush and you can always ask questions on here). Give yourself time off work to recover.

Catlover2014 · 25/06/2014 18:50

Hi Dulcet,

I am so sorry to read your post and for the sad loss you are feeling :(

How is DH doing? Hope he's looking after you?

I agree with witch that you should shall call in work sick. I made the mistake of going back into work after my scan and it was too much for me to cope with.

Everyone is different and you must select the route that's best for you. I have had two mmc at around 11 weeks, the first one I waited out and it happened naturally at 13 weeks. The second one I had surgery. Personally I found surgery to be much less traumatic and much less painful and that's the route I would always take now.

Feel free to PM me anytime you want to chat. I too struggled to conceive so I know just how you're feeling.

Hugs to you xxxx

RPopz · 25/06/2014 19:48

Hope you don't mind me posting here Dulcet. I can't stop thinking about you. Really hope you can take some time off work to grieve, whatever path you decide to go down. Love to you and Mr Dulcet x

DrewsWife · 25/06/2014 20:09

I am so sorry for your loss. I have no other words for you Thanks

Wineandchoccy · 25/06/2014 20:21

I'm so sorry this has happened.

I had a mmc in April we found out at the dating scan, I waited 10 days due to bank holiday and also my birthday before having any treatment. This was my choice though.

I decided to have medical management I went to the epu had another internal scan then took the tablets and was sent home with instructions of what would happen. The nurse rang me 24 hours later but unfortunately nothing had happened so I had to go back for a 2nd dose and again went home. I won't lie it was very painful when it happened I took the full dose of paracetamol and ibuprofen and it still hurt but within a few hours the physical pain has stopped.

I bled for 3 weeks afterwards and AF started 2 weeks afterwards but has been heavier and lasted longer than usual.

I had 2 1/2 weeks off work and the sick note just said gynaecological issue but work did know why I was off.

I felt quite sick and faint but not sure whether this was like of food and sleep. A hot water bottle on my back and front helped as well.

If you have any more questions please ask x

Purplecircle · 25/06/2014 20:24

Oh Dulcet I'm so sad for you. What a shame. I don't really know what to say other than I'm sorry and I hope it's not too traumatic/painful for you. Sending hugs xx

wilhelmeaner · 25/06/2014 20:25

Hi Dulcet,

Also been thinking about you all day and hope you're coping ok.

I think maybe the route of medical intervention would at least take away the waiting element and give you a little bit of control over the situation, but I don't know what it involves really and so not sure of the downsides.

My experience of a natural mc were spotting and cramps for about a day and a half and then heavy bleeding and painful cramps on the third day. I took this day off work as it would have been pretty impossible to go in. The next day i went back to work, which actually helped to occupy me although I had to take it pretty easy. After that, there was no more pain but I bled for 14 days altogether. Hope that's not tmi, just so you know what might happen.

Don't feel bad about time off work if you want to take it. I don't really think I dealt with the upset of it all at the time and just kind of got on with things. I'm not sure that was the best idea.

With regards to still having symptoms, all the hormones are still in your system and as you haven't physically miscarried yet, maybe your body is still acting as if you're pg, if that makes sense?

I hope you get some rest tonight and that the info you get tomorrow makes the decision a bit easier for you. We're here if you need us x

DulcetMoans · 25/06/2014 20:39

Thanks you all so much for telling me your stories. And thanks for finding me over here JSing girls. I really don't want to ruin your evenings!

I was planning to go to EPU alone but my friend seems to think that's a mistake. Am I being naive? I thought we would just talk through the options tomorrow, not actually do anything. Am I wrong?

I am still not sure if the best route, I am not sure I can wait it out not knowing when it will happen. At least with intervention I am a bit more in control. But fitting it around work will be hard - not great timing. I know that shouldn't matter and this is more important but it's adding to the stress at the moment.

DH is back, we've had a cry. He is so lovely and I just feel awful that I can't do this for him. He doesn't deserve it either, he's amazing.

OP posts:
RPopz · 25/06/2014 20:45

I wouldn't want to go alone but like you say, its unlikely they'll do much tomorrow. Did DH not know about the scan this aft then?

Personally i'd want the medical intervention - get it over and done with rather than being stuck in the preg limbo. Like Wil says, and hormones will prob stay in your system a while, so you won't be imagining it.

Look after each other xx

DulcetMoans · 25/06/2014 20:50

No, he didn't. Booked it last thing yesterday. Planned to sneak out and do it for reassurance. Then had to phone and say I'd done it and give him the news. Not my finest hour. It's fine though, he half expected I would because I was worried and he'd told me that last week when he was away he thought I would have done it.

OP posts:
Wineandchoccy · 25/06/2014 20:57

I discussed my options over the phone with the nurses at the epu but DH came with me to my 3 appointments I don't think I could have done it on my own. I spoke to them 4 times because I didn't know what to do, they were lovely and didn't seem to mind me keep pestering them.

If you need any more information about the 3 options the miscarriage association website is really good.

I have never had a day off work in 17 years and really didn't want time off but the epu told me that I would be better off signed off and they were right. I felt weak, emotional and angry at the world so not in a fit state to work.

Life 2 months on is getting better and I have found talking about it has helped.

RainDancer · 25/06/2014 21:05

Hi Dulcet
I had a mmc with my first pregnancy 3 years ago. I too didn't discover until I was around 11 weeks but had miscarried some weeks before. Initially I opted to try and manage it myself and miscarry naturally. I really didn't want surgical intervention. I assumed that because I had had some bleeding by that time that it would not take long. I was wrong. I waited about a week but nothing really happened and in the end I just felt that I could not put my life on hold any longer and I found it very stressful just waiting. So in the end I opted for surgical intervention which was fine. In the end it was the best thing I could have done because it got me under the care of the consultant at my local hospital who then saw me to discuss fertility issues (had taken me a while to conceive too) and I conceived naturally again a few months later and was under his care for that pregnancy too. I now have a wonderful 18 month DD.
I wanted to share my experience with you because I remember feeling quite alone and bewildered when it happened to me. I knew nothing about mmc and just didn't know what to expect.
Be kind to yourself, whatever you decide, and remember that this is sadly quite common and the odds are that you will go on to have a healthy pregnancy in the future. Feel free to PM me if it helps xxx

SaltySeaBird · 25/06/2014 21:05

I had a similar experience after a similar length of time TTC.

I opted for medical management. I took the pill on Friday and was booked to go into the hospital to have the second part of the medication but that wasn't needed (I still had to go to hospital). It was painful and I cried buckets but was back at work on the Tuesday as the bleeding was just like a heavy period. They never knew I had a miscarriage (it was a bank holiday weekend).

I was heartbroken but 8 weeks later I had another BFP and despite being terrified that BFP is now my gorgeous toddler who is refusing to go to bed right now ...

JuniDD · 25/06/2014 21:08

Hi Dulcet, much love to you again.

I've had an ERPC/SMM.

I couldn't have medical management because of the problem I had (molar pg). It should be a day surgery and you get a time and a date etc. It is a general aneaesthetic though which I was affected quite badly by (had to stay in hospital due to high temp and heart issues). My friend who recently had a second mmc chose to have ERPC 2nd time around as it cut out the waiting. I hope they'll talk you through it all tomorrow and explain the options.

I'd definitely take someone who will be supportive and kind. It can be massively overwhelmingly. I also think it's ok to think about work and all that, it can help to have something solid to focus on, if you can, I felt so adrift.


wilhelmeaner · 25/06/2014 21:14

I think it might be quite overwhelming to go alone. Can Mr D get time off?

I don't know what your job is but as hectic or pressured as it may be, they can and will get by without you if needs be. You won't look back in 5 years time and say "I'm really glad I went to work that day."

Please do not carry the blame for this. You haven't failed anyone. It's just one of life's shitty shitty things that could happen to anyone.

ChristopherRobin · 25/06/2014 21:21

I'm so sorry for you loss. I was basically in your situation a week ago. It is so devastating, I've had a particularly bad day Today as it should have been my 12 week scan.
We were told the same 3 options as you and because I hadn't miscarried myself I didn't want to wait it out naturally. I hated the idea if spending one more minute in hospital so I didnt want to have to have the operation, i just wanted to be home. I think medical management varies between hospitals and I think I was quite lucky in that they gave me 4 pessary tablets & pain killers and I went home.
I felt quite shivery/flu like at first and then got painful cramps but the painkillers helped completely. I bled very heavily about 3 hrs later, had to sit on the toilet and everything just came out. Didn't look at it or anything, couldn't really see. I'm still bleeding quite heavily a week on.
It's so so sad to have this happen and I'm just trying to take one day at a time. I can't get my head around trying again, I'm just living day by day and I'll see how I feel when I ovulate again.
Sending my support and thoughts to you xx

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 25/06/2014 21:28

Sorry Flowers
I had an ERPC, it was quick, the same day I found out about the MMC. this was the day after I went to the GP with a spot of blood and he couldn't find the heartbeat. It was all very quick. I'm glad I had the ERPC rather than waiting for it to pass naturally.

Virgo9 · 25/06/2014 21:28

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC in March, I only found out at the 12wk scan that the baby had died at 7wks.

I chose the surgical route as the baby had been gone for 5wks but was still hanging on, I couldn't wait for it to happen naturally as didn't feel like I could come to terms with it until the baby had passed. Medical management wasn't as option for me as I don't think I could have handled seeing the baby pass.

You will continue to have symptoms until the baby has passed, whilst it's still there your body still thinks you are pregnant. My symptoms stop a week after my EPRC.

Please don't worry about work, take time off as you are dealing with a lot at the moment, you need to put yourself first and give yourself time to grieve. Also if you can please take someone with you tomorrow, they will give you a lot of information and you won't take any of it in. Just someone to hold your hand will help.

Will be thinking about you, take care of yourself it is an awful thing you are going through.

RunDougalRunQuiteFast · 25/06/2014 21:38

I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a mmc, had an early scan and baby had died at about 6 weeks. Went back to work that afternoon but rang my very sympathetic boss the next day and opted out of work for,a few days. I went for surgery but actually started bleeding the day before, but went ahead anyway. Went on my own as DH was minding our ds. Felt very depressed for a good few weeks afterwards, but went on to conceive a few weeks after that, and there was only 4.5 months between what should have been my due date with lost baby, and my DD. I had PCOS so conception was hard and I didn't want to hang around due to my age, was my main motivation for surgical intervention. It is very sad, so be kind to yourself and keep talking to your dp. All medical staff were very good and explained all the procedures clearly.

So sorry for everybody who's gone through it.

DulcetMoans · 25/06/2014 22:13

So sorry for all the other ladies that have gone through this or are going through it. Not easy for anyone.

Don't think DH can make it - work again. I know this is more important to both of us but practically it's much more difficult than that. I have a friend and MIL that have both offered to come but I've turned them down for now.

None of the intervention routes sound quick. And all seem to carry some pain with them. Being at home might make it easier to deal with though.

OP posts:
Nessalina · 25/06/2014 22:40

Hope you don't mind me posting over here Dulcet, just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you, and hope you're as ok as you can be.
I don't have much to offer in the way of advice as my situation (TFMR) was a lot different, but it is very personal to you as to what option you go for and what feels right. I was terrified of medical miscarriage because I didn't feel like I could cope with how it would feel, but in the end I didn't have a choice because at 14 weeks it was too late for surgical management. In the end it was the pain of the contractions that was the hardest part to deal with, the actual end was much less scary than I thought, and it was actually quite cathartic to go through it. At your stage so long as you have some good painkillers (and ask for them, because some places don't give them out without you asking!) the pain should be very manageable.
Surgical is less emotional in a way, but some women find it hard to just wake up no longer pregnant, so think about how you'd feel about that.
And I know everyone's said it, but you'll need to take time off work even if it's just a few days for your body to recover. I took two weeks and I really needed it - I felt so weak and emotional.
Love to you and your DH, I hope you find the best way for you xxx

JuniDD · 26/06/2014 08:03

Thinking of you today dulcet. Thanks Thanks Thanks

RPopz · 26/06/2014 08:07

And me. x

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