MMC - discovered today

[DulcetMoans]

Just looking for a bit of support and advice. I know I can (and will) Google but I have found Mumsnet so helpful in the TTC and pregnancy journey so far I think this has to be my first place to call in.

I went for a private early scan today and the result was not good. People keep asking why I went for the scan but I don't really have an answer. The GP, the EPU - why did you have the scan? I guess something didn't feel right. I didn't feel the same as I did a couple of weeks ago. But I still went expecting reassurance, not a missed miscarriage.

I was supposed to be 11+5, was expecting to be nearer 10+5 but instead there was no heartbeat and measuring between 7-8 weeks. My baby has died.

I am due at the EPU tomorrow where I will have another scan and then discuss the options. I am not really sure what those options are. I had a brief explanation on the phone:

I wait it out and see if I pass naturally - but wouldn't that have happened by now if it died a few weeks ago
I have medication to pass it - is that something I do myself at home? Will I feel ill?
I have surgical intervention - but how long does this take?

How does any of this happen whilst still working full time?

I am devastated - it took us nearly two years to get this far and now it's gone. I also don't understand why I still have some symptoms. I feel a little sick, but that could be from the crying, my boobs hurt and I've been tired throughout. Am I imagine this?

[Mrsm14]

It is not self-indulgent at all - well I hope not, as I just wrote something in another thread about how I'm not coping! I was supposed to have my first proper midwife appointment yesterday, which was 3 weeks to the day of my miscarriage. My scan was booked for next week and I have fallen apart a bit in the last couple of days. It is absolute feckin shitballs. I hope your acupuncture session was good and you have got through the day ok. Have some nice dinner, a good cuddle with the DH and try and get a good sleep

E xx

[DulcetMoans]

Come back here to be self-indulgent for a bit.

I should be having a scan in about 15 minutes. This should be the day I get excited and shed a tear when looking at our tiny baby on the screen and then text all our friends and family with the good news. Pg tests still positive when there is nothing there.

Instead I'm watching Jeremy Kyle while DH is at work. Should do something to take my mind off it probably. The good news is I have tried to take action and do something by booking acupuncture for today. Recommended by fertility clinic and at least it's something I can do to feel less helpless.

I know this is a bit me,me,me but don't want to bring the group threads down and wanted to acknowledge it in some way.

[RPopz]

Oh Dulce I'm not surprised, what a kick when you're down. Hope you've got all the support you need irl x

[wilmabedrock]

It is tricky and that date will always bring back these memories I think. When I went to get my cervical screening, I told nurse about recent mc and she said she'd had one twenty years ago and still thought about it every year when it came around. It will get easier with time though as these things do.

[DulcetMoans]

Thanks viroids. I'm coping ok, will be back when TTC is official. Not really discussed it yet though.

It is better to avoid the surgery, I know that. I was just geared up for it that it was almost like a bit of a loss when I walked out of the hospital 5 hours early. I don't realise there would still be the prolonged bleeding though fish, thank you for clarifying.

Glad you are feeling better longest. I'm told it can take a couple weeks for hormones to work through the system. One of the cruelest things is the body still thinking its pregnant when you know its not. Hopefully the clinic appointment gives you some answers and might make it easier.

Just seen the first pregnancy announcement since it all happened. Due 4 days before I would have been. That didn't go down well in my brain.

[longestlurkerever]

Take care Dulcet I am more or less at the same stage as you. Since passing the sac I have felt physically better but more emotional. Dunno if it's all catching up with me or if it's the hormones. Probably a bit of both. Have my appointment with the recurrent miscarriage clinic booked for a fortnight using some insurance I had through work so that is good at least. X

[Minion]

Still here for you chica and thinking of you xxx

[FishWithABicycle]

Part of me wanted the surgery so it would be like a closed door - tomorrow it would all be over. Instead though I have a more gradual goodbye whilst the bleeding continues.

Not sure if this will help, but bleeding for 2 weeks or more, albeit quite light bleeding, isn't that unusual even after surgery so your timescale for it all being over might not be that different.

Hope you feel bearable soon.

[RPopz]

Glad the worst is over (physically at least) - hope the bleeding stops soon. Pleased you got some time off work too. Much love x

[wilhelmeaner]

I know what you mean, it just prolongs everything. Probably best to avoid unneccesary surgery though. Take care of yourself .

[DulcetMoans]

Just an update - I've been back to the hospital and had another scan. It confirmed I have passed everything naturally so the surgery wasnt needed. Obviously this is good news but felt a bit odd. Part of me wanted the surgery so it would be like a closed door - tomorrow it would all be over. Instead though I have a more gradual goodbye whilst the bleeding continues. But I know the worst is over and the baby is gone so I'm just waiting for the end.

I did tell a couple of people at work in the end, including a boss. They were very good about it and it has helped me feel better knowing work is sorted without me there.

Thank you all again for the love and support. Helps so much more when you can't quite say the things out loud in RL. I hope those that said they were going through the same thing are recovering and healing.

[wilhelmeaner]

Hope it's not too difficult tomorrow Dulcet, will be thinking of you .

[RPopz]

Perhaps losing it naturally is providing a sort of closure for you? Rather than going to hospital, having a surgery and coming home not pregnant. I think in my mind that would make it slightly easier to process.

You could carry on with your vits if you think ttc-ing again soon is on the cards. But if not, put them away in the baby box and have a break for a bit. I think you deserve to be drinking (and eating) whatever the heck you want right now!

Take care of yourself lovely. We miss you x

[longestlurkerever]

Advice from my gp was to continue to take folic acid and vitamin D. Ideally you take it for 6 months before conception so as well to keep your levels up if you're planning to try again. I had a beer on Wednesday afternoon to try and steady my nerves. Went straight to my head but am finding my sea-legs again now.

Take care. X

[wilhelmeaner]

You could carry on taking the vitamins, no harm in that. I know just what you mean about the drinking etc. I was even worrying about taking ibuprofen for the cramps, which was ridiculous but just couldn't get my head round it.

The weird part is people not knowing so you feel like everything is different, but to them it's the same as it always was - if that makes any sense at all. I ended up telling a few people randomly just to acknowledge that it had actually happened.

[DulcetMoans]

Thanks for all the comments again everyone. I am feeling strangely calmer today. Bleeding has slowed right down which makes me think it's not over, I don't think I can really lose it all in two hours of Friday morning, can I? I will find out Monday when they scan again.

I'm into the stupid but upsetting questions now. Went to take my pregnancy vitamins but probably don't need them now. Meant to be out for birthday drinks tonight, I guess I can drink. Its changing my lifestyle back to before I was pregnant that I am finding difficult to grasp. I don't want to drink and I want to keep taking the pills. If I change those things its like i've given up - but then its over anyway. That is probably a similar thinking I have about carrying on working - if I can keep things normal its like they aren't happening, even though they are.

I will probably tell them something similar to you fish, a minor op that is needed. I will see from there whether I need a note from hospital and, if so, what it should say. Shouldn't have that problem if I do tell them the truth greyhound, it's mostly women in my office and most are lovely, but you never know until it happens. I will bare it in mind though as I don't want to risk my job.

Sorry you had to find me over here min, but thanks for the love. I will be back, I know I will. And I know where to find you all when I am!

(Deleted message was me posting in the wrong space by the way, nothing bad! Didn't realise it would leave the MNHQ message.)

[Minion]

Oh darling dulce, I found you. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I wish I was there to hold your hand, give you lots of hugs and ply you with vodka.
Please know that your family are not dissapointed, they are grieving, it's no ones fault this has happened so please please don't feel you have let anyone down.
Remember we are all here for you, we are all thinking of you and whenever you decide to take the world on again, we JSers are standing side by side with you, spears and swords in hands, screaming like utter loons.
We love you dulce, as does husband (yours, not mine, but I can ask him if you like) and your families, we are all here for you.
Take care of yourself, cry, watch stupid made for TV movies, drink tea till it comes out of your nose, do whatever you have to do to get through it.
But once again, know this. When (yes, when! It will happen) you are ready to smile again, we ARE here. Xxxxx

[FishWithABicycle]

Still haven't said anything to work about Monday. Not sure what to say. If you had to have a hospital stay, what did you tell you employer?

I had it done surgically under local anaesthetic and was told I'd probably be home by lunchtime.

when I asked for the time off I said I needed to have a minor outpatients op (I didn't say what) and that I hoped to be in next day if all was well. In the end I didn't feel up to work next day anyway but work accepted this and didn't grill me on the details. If they had, I would have lied in some kind of very vague and unspecific way. I did not want them to know what was happening - too private and painful.

The hospital can sign you off work for as long as you need, and if you ask for it they can give you a sick note for work that uses very general unspecific terms such as "... is under treatment at this hospital and not currently well enough to work" without saying why.

Hope everything goes ok on Monday.

[wilhelmeaner]

Hope you're ok Dulcet x

[RPopz]

So sorry you went through that last night Dulcet. I don't know how you were brave enough to go to work today. No practical advice but still thinking of you x

[Greyhound]

Still haven't said anything to work about Monday. Not sure what to say. If you had to have a hospital stay, what did you tell you employer?

Thanks, Dulcet.

I had to tell my work I'd miscarried as I'd already told them I was pregnant :( I had to tell them as my job involved lifting objects and climbing ladders.

People were very kind indeed. However, my boss (who originally expressed sympathy) became very difficult after my miscarriage and started to bully me. I made complaints but nothing changed. In the end, I left the company but I still wonder if he pushed me out of the job because he thought I might leave soon to have a baby? Might be worth considering that (as if you haven't enough to worry about :( )

Thinking of you. I actually think that finding out one has miscarried via a scan is particularly painful as it is 'public' :(

[thatwhichwecallarose]

I hope Monday goes well.

[thatwhichwecallarose]

I told them what happened. The phrase was "I was pregnant but we had a scan and it wasn't good news". It seemed to be effective enough that they knew what I meant but I didn't have to use the miscarriage word. (Esp since to me I hadn't miscarried - but my baby had died).

I don't know what you would say otherwise other than hint it was incredibly private.

[longestlurkerever]

I haven't had a hospital stay but told my work the truth about why i wanted yesterday off. Actually I asked to work from home but my boss said not to. She is nice though. You are entitled to time off though.