MMC - discovered today

[DulcetMoans]

Just looking for a bit of support and advice. I know I can (and will) Google but I have found Mumsnet so helpful in the TTC and pregnancy journey so far I think this has to be my first place to call in.

I went for a private early scan today and the result was not good. People keep asking why I went for the scan but I don't really have an answer. The GP, the EPU - why did you have the scan? I guess something didn't feel right. I didn't feel the same as I did a couple of weeks ago. But I still went expecting reassurance, not a missed miscarriage.

I was supposed to be 11+5, was expecting to be nearer 10+5 but instead there was no heartbeat and measuring between 7-8 weeks. My baby has died.

I am due at the EPU tomorrow where I will have another scan and then discuss the options. I am not really sure what those options are. I had a brief explanation on the phone:

I wait it out and see if I pass naturally - but wouldn't that have happened by now if it died a few weeks ago
I have medication to pass it - is that something I do myself at home? Will I feel ill?
I have surgical intervention - but how long does this take?

How does any of this happen whilst still working full time?

I am devastated - it took us nearly two years to get this far and now it's gone. I also don't understand why I still have some symptoms. I feel a little sick, but that could be from the crying, my boobs hurt and I've been tired throughout. Am I imagine this?

[wilhelmeaner]

Me too, hope the appointment is ok x

[PresidentSpreadable]

So sorry for your loss Dulcet.

I had an MMC last July, picked up at an early scan. I opted for an ERPC under local anaesthetic (not sure why I chose local, and I think most hospitals only offer GA I believe).

I rang my boss after the scan and told her what had happened (she didn't know I was pregnant before then). I was signed off on compassionate leave for two weeks.

My ERPC was a week after the scan, which gave me time to get my head around it and do some grieving. It was the right choice for me because I'd had no bleeding or signs that my body was going to mc naturally, and I wanted to get it over and done with.

The procedure took about 15/20 mins and I was well cared for throughout. The consultant used an ultrasound screen to guide him and ensure that everything was removed.

I went home about half an hour later, and had barely any bleeding for about 3 days, and then a couple of days of slightly heavy bleeding before it was all over (in fact I went to a 3 day music festival 4 days after the op).

I wish you all the best for whichever option you chose. Be kind to yourself over the next few months whilst you grieve.

[OneDayLikeThis2013]

Hi Dulcet, so sorry for your news. Having had an ERPC on Monday I thought I would write something. I had an early scan at week 7 and everything was great, even saw the heartbeat! At just under 10 weeks I had some brown spotting and had a scan on Fri to be told that baby had stopped growing just after the early scan and that I'd had a mmc. Opted to have the ERPC as I wanted it all to be over,needed to take some control and didn't want to associate our home with where I lost my baby. Actual procedure was fine, little achey afterwards but one iburoprofen took it away completely. Haven't had that much bleeding either and been a little crampy like period pains. Emotionally it's tough and if you can,try not to be on your own, can your DH work from home at all?

Sending you a hug and lots of strength x

[DulcetMoans]

Hi all. Thank you for all your messages.

I've been to the hospital, had another scan and confirmed. Currently measuring about 6+4 which is exactly the size it was when I had my early scan at the clinic and I heard the heartbeat. Must have happened pretty soon after that.

Have discussed the options and at the moment have opted to have the surgical route. I don't want to wait for it to happen, that could take weeks. The medical route can't be done at home here and I would have to go back for a scan in a couple of weeks. I just want it over with now. All your stories have helped me make the decision though, surgery sounds so drastic but it's quick and much less painful.

I do have to wait until Monday to have the procedure so have a weekend to see if it happens naturally but if not at least there is an end in sight.

Thanks again everyone - mumsnet is great support as always.

[longestlurkerever]

Hello OP. I am in the same place as you- discovered a MMC yesterday. I am not as far along as you but this is my second. Apart from the worry about it being a pattern it is easier this time as I am not as shocked and know what to expect. Both times they were classed as MMC as they had happened some weeks earlier but actually I went for the scans because of a bit of spotting which did turn into natural miscarriage so your body may still do the same even though it hasn't yet. It depends how long you want to wait though. Some women feel more at peace letting nature take its course, others want to take control and have it over with. It is a very personal decision.

The worst thing I have found is the loss of being pregnant and potential addition to the family, rather than grief at the loss of this particular baby, and so have wanted to try again straight away but others feel differently. The nhs will say to wait till you have had a normal period before trying again though the miscarriage association says there is no need. I think I benefited from a short break though, and my period took a few weeks longer to arrive so at least I wasn't obsessing that I might be pregnant all through that time.

It's horrible. All those hopes and dreams you feel silly for having let yourself believe, but it's natural to be excited about pregnancy and the only way to get through it really so don't feel guilty for having a massive sense of loss. And feel free to share or not share with whoever you want. It's personal and can be private if you want it to be but it's not a dirty secret and you may find others have been through the same and can offer some support.

Take care of yourself. When you are ready to think about ttc again check out the posifrickentivity thread for ttc after miscarriage. You will hopefully find your body is geared up to pregnancy now and it doesn't take as long, but don't despair if it doesn't happen instantly. Everyone told me my fertility would be heightened after a miscarriage so I got quite low when it took a while but in retrospect it was only my third cycle which doesn't seem too bad, if only I hadn't had another miscarriage.

[sarahlou18]

Hello Dulcet,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's truly devastating and I've got tears in my eyes right now as I'm typing this because I know a little of what you're going through.

I had a MMC last week at about 9 weeks, my first pregnancy. I started spotting last Tuesday which was the day of my booking appointment with the midwife. She explained that bleeding in early pregnancy is very common but told me to keep an eye on it. I was worried but as I still had pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs and bloating) I hoped that all was ok. As the bleeding got a little worse the next day I took myself to our local EPAU on Thursday morning where they did an ultrasound. Unfortunately our worst fears were confirmed when we were told that our tiny baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. The staff were so wonderful and kind and we were given the same choices that you were given. I decided to go for the ERPC as I couldn't handle the idea of waiting weeks for nature to take its course and just wanted to be able to put it behind us. I was booked in the very next morning (Friday) for the procedure.

The operation was fine. I was nervous as I've never had a general anaesthetic before but the medical staff were all very friendly and I met each person (consultant and anaesthetist) beforehand and they put my fears to rest. It was over very quickly. I had strong cramping period type pains before the operation as I suppose that the miscarriage was really starting to happen, but I've had no pain since then and have had very little bleeding apart from just a little spotting each day, nothing a panty-liner can't handle.

I've taken the week off work to try and come to terms with what's happened emotionally but physically I would have been fine to go to work on Monday.

I hope that your EPU were good to you today and that you're able to make the decision which is right for you. I thought I'd add my own experience to this thread as it may help you.

Be kind to yourself, rest up and take us much time off work as you need. XXX

[RPopz]

I think I would've chosen surgical too. Like you say, just waiting around would be unbearable. Glad it went ok (ok as it could have done) x

[wilhelmeaner]

I think that's a good idea Dulcet. Take care of yourself over the weekend and check in if you need support .

[DulcetMoans]

Sorry to you both sarahlou and longest for going through this at the moment as well.

The EPU were very kind and helpful, just so hard having to sit an make the decision. I tried not getting out of bed this morning in the hopes it might not be happening but that didn't work.

Feeling silly, like you said longest, is one of the main emotions other than sadness. Phone full of baby apps, emails from bounty and NHS, a blanket I started to make - all evidence of getting well ahead of myself. And knowing the disappointment our families feel too. They were looking forward to it all too and it's ended for everyone.

[wilhelmeaner]

Everything you mention is a perfectly normal thing for someone to do who is excited about being pregnant. I do know exactly what you mean, but don't feel silly.

[longestlurkerever]

By the way, I know you have made a decision to go for surgery but just in case it is taken out of your hands like mine was by the onset of natural miscarriage I thought I would post my experience. I googled 'what to expect' and really scared myself because obviously some women have an awful time but physically my miscarriage was much less traumatic than I had feared. No pain to speak of, only one or two days of heavy bleeding, when I didn't go to work but did go out and about shopping and visiting a friend, and all over a week later (though the hormones did take a while to drop and I was still getting disconcerting pregnancy symptoms for a few weeks). Turns out my body can do miscarriage rather well.

It isn't silly to have got excited and shared your news, honestly it's not. It is not all that helpful when people tell you how common it is because you start to think you should have been better prepared and expecting it but that isn't how it works. All those people who have been through it will have been excited too and will have had their hopes dashed too. Hell, I have been stalking the baby name threads and making my plans for mat leave and this is my second mmc. You would think I would have learned! But you can't spend your whole pregnancy waiting for the worst to happen- that way madness lies too. One day you will have a baby to wrap in that blanket and it will be a poignant but special moment.

[Nessalina]

Hey, I'm glad the meeting was as ok as it could be. It's sounds like you've made the right decision for you I hope it goes smoothly, and I'm sure it will.
The last thing you should feel is silly Dulcet, but I know what you mean, it's hard not to feel bad about how your news will affect others, but just try to focus on you. You had every reason to feel like things were going the right way, and you certainly weren't getting ahead of yourself! It's a bloody hard thing to cope with, but be kind to yourself xx Take care xx

[sarahlou20]

I know exactly what you mean about feeling silly longest and Dulcet. I was even pricing up travel systems! Talk about jumping the gun!!
I deleted all the pregnancy apps earlier this week which was so sad and I threw out a lot of the leaflets I was given by the midwife. I've kept some though because I'm hoping that I'll need them again at some point. I've also kept the report of the scan I had as it's something to remember that first little baby by and I was touched by the notes made by the sonographer when she wrote that there was 'sadly no fetal heartbeat'. Mine was 6+3 days.

Am glad the meeting at the EPU went well today Dulcet. It makes such a difference when people are kind and understanding doesn't it. Look after yourself. xx

[longestlurkerever]

Bloody bounty have a lot to answer for. Didn't even want to sign up for them but phlebotomist wouldn't leave it be then I tried to unsubscribe three times and they still kept sending me updates on my pregnancy that ended in mmc. Diverted them to my junk folder in the end but still come across them now and again and it's coming up to my due date.

[wilhelmeaner]

Don't know if you're off work today Dulcet but if not, hope you can take it a bit easy at least.

[DulcetMoans]

Thank you for the details of your experience longest. That might be what is happening to me. I was up between 2-4am with heavy bleeding, pain and sickness. It was pretty horrible but I imagined it to be much worse. Not sure that is the end, I am told I still need to go Monday whatever happens as they will want to check it has all actually gone. She said I would know if I passed the baby and I don't know so I guess I didn't.

So pleased I knew I had MMC though, otherwise last night would have been horrific and confusing. DH said he would have called the ambulance!

I wasn't sure what to do with the notes sarahlou, they gave them back to me but I have just put them in my box of baby things that needs to be hidden somewhere dark and secret. That's a DH job.

I am back at work but I have cleared my calendar so I am sat in the office taking it easy wil. It helps keep my mind active at least, until Monday when it can be over.

[longestlurkerever]

I am feeling a bit sick today too, and the bleeding is starting to get heavier. Sympathise from me. I am not sure how true it is that you will definitely know if you have passed the baby. I think I felt something 'plop out' at one point, but it wasn't painful and I couldn't see anything in the loo. I think it was that though as the scan a week later showed it had gone. I was only six weeks though, but thought I was 11. This time I am actively looking for the sac as it is my third mc (2mmcs and 1 chemical pregnancy) so I am entitled to have the tissues examined, but nothing so far. I do already have a lovely dd though do haven't lost hope that I can have a successful pregnancy again and you shouldn't either. Go home if you feel rubbish though. I was going to work from home but have just logged off and have told my boss I will be in on Monday.

[wilhelmeaner]

I was around 6 weeks when I had mc and wasn't aware of passing baby. I guess it could have been much smaller though as I'm not sure when it died. I do remember passing what I thought were blood clots so maybe that was it.

[Greyhound]

So sorry. With my first (of four) miscarriages, I still had pregnancy symptoms until I had an ERPC :(

Thinking of you - it's such a terrible shock and sorrow.

[DulcetMoans]

Thank you greyhound. Sorry for your losses too.

Still haven't said anything to work about Monday. Not sure what to say. If you had to have a hospital stay, what did you tell you employer?

[wilhelmeaner]

Could you just say you have to have an operation? I doubt they'll ask for more details.

[longestlurkerever]

I haven't had a hospital stay but told my work the truth about why i wanted yesterday off. Actually I asked to work from home but my boss said not to. She is nice though. You are entitled to time off though.

[thatwhichwecallarose]

I told them what happened. The phrase was "I was pregnant but we had a scan and it wasn't good news". It seemed to be effective enough that they knew what I meant but I didn't have to use the miscarriage word. (Esp since to me I hadn't miscarried - but my baby had died).

I don't know what you would say otherwise other than hint it was incredibly private.

[thatwhichwecallarose]

I hope Monday goes well.

[Greyhound]

Still haven't said anything to work about Monday. Not sure what to say. If you had to have a hospital stay, what did you tell you employer?

Thanks, Dulcet.

I had to tell my work I'd miscarried as I'd already told them I was pregnant :( I had to tell them as my job involved lifting objects and climbing ladders.

People were very kind indeed. However, my boss (who originally expressed sympathy) became very difficult after my miscarriage and started to bully me. I made complaints but nothing changed. In the end, I left the company but I still wonder if he pushed me out of the job because he thought I might leave soon to have a baby? Might be worth considering that (as if you haven't enough to worry about :( )

Thinking of you. I actually think that finding out one has miscarried via a scan is particularly painful as it is 'public' :(