Acknowledging staff member's miscarriage

[MarmiteMerriment]

I'm a head of department, and very sadly one of my staff (A) has had a miscarriage in the past few days.

She notified her line manager (B), who then informed me, following the information with 'she asked for it to be kept confidential'. In that context, I don't think B should have told me, but she did, so now I know.

A is due back to work on Monday. I feel very sorry for her, and would like to acknowledge her loss, and let her know that she has my support if she needs it (reducing workload or authorising time off). But - I'm worried about upsetting her by mentioning it, also about letting on that I know when she may have anticipated that I wouldn't. But saying nothing doesn't feel right.

If you have sadly been in A's shoes, would you have wanted your senior manager to commiserate and offer support, or would you have preferred not to have that conversation?

Thank you.

I think the way to support her is to authorise her direct manager to give her what she needs in terms of support,time off etc without having to refer anything upwards. It is a terrible time & anything that makes it easier for her is best. This way you will have really helped in a way that's meaningful.

I would say pretend you don't know. I did the same thing. Told my line manager and asked for it to be confidential. She just asked in private if I was OK. I specifically didn't want senior management to know, partly because of the risk that I would be treated differently if they thought I was trying to get pregnant all the time. You sound like a caring boss who wouldn't do this but all the same, confidential is confidential. Just be kind and don't make a big deal out of it.

I would also have a word with the line manager about breaching confidentiality, which she has done!

Difficult as she has expressly asked for confidence. Personally, I would have appreciated a quick note/email saying you were thinking of me, and if I needed anything, to ask. But otherwise to treat me as normally as possible - life, and work, goes on after all. A quiet word in the line manager's ear about confidentiality and respect for colleagues might be in order too - how good is she at keeping other confidences?

I would agree with posters who suggest that you pretend you don't know.

You do sound lovely, unlike my boss who when I returned insisted that I had to fill out a number of forms for the time I had off, which involved me writing the word 'miscarriage' about 5 times. Helpful

Don't mention it. And her confidentiality should have been respected by your colleague.

I had miscarriages whilst working and, with the first one, everyone knew because they knew I had been pregnant. Most people were very sweet to me, except my boss who was a bastard :(

I def wouldn't say anything as she obviously doesn't want to discuss it.

How about asking 'B' to say (without letting on that she/he has told you), "if you need any time off let me know and I can sort it" - that way she gets the message that she can ask for it without knowing that her confidentiality has been broken. A bit underhand possibly, but a way of getting across that her loss has been acknowledged.

My line manager did tell her manager. He has never said anything to me directly about it, for which I'm actually really grateful, but she did tell me that he was very sorry to hear about it and hoped that I was ok.

I asked my boss not to tell anyone and he told four people. It's eating me up!! A complete breach of confidence. I've spoken to my union and a solicitor - they tell me that the only thing I can do is raise a grievance. The HR woman is avoiding me like the plague, I've asked to speak to her on 3 occasions. I don't want the stress of raising a grievance, but I don't want to let this go. I don't believe he did this to "support" me, I consider his actions to show the utmost disrespect. Dealing with miscarriage is very personal, I don't think my boss had the right to share my personal information.