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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

Very upset by eprc this morning

54 replies

Handsfullandlovingit · 16/10/2013 15:54

I sadly lost my baby at 11 weeks. With other kids, the surgical management seemed sensible as could schedule parents coming from miles away to hold fort for a bit, bless them.

I am surprised by the sheer devastation of losing this tiny bean. I was doing so well, the odd wobble but being very brave and practical. Everybody was so kind, until I got to the anaesthetic room. The anaesthetist sailed in, huge grin on his face and happily declared "so, you are here for an abortion". I crumpled, sobbing to the assembled (aghast) medical team that we desperately wanted this darling baby, and begged him to read his notes in the future before coming in.

He didn't apologise, kept on smiling and changed the subject (later, the sweet surgeon was really apologetic) . Then he tried to get my drip in, repeatedly demanding I calm down and relax. It took a couple of attempts and I went to sleep and awoke sobbing.

How dare he. I chose this route to minimise distress. I am going to complain to the hospital. I suppose I'm posting this to check that it wasn't a terrible misunderstanding, does abortion have a medical meaning I'm unaware of?

On a positive note, the procedure and the anaesthetic were really fine, apart from dickhead anaesthetist. I am snuggled up with mild cramps and can have more ibuprofen soon! Thank you for reading, sorry to grumble.

OP posts:
ZombieZing · 23/10/2013 00:56

if you want, join us on the Night Owl thread...just to keep you company.

I hope you can manage some sleep.
so sorry you have to go through this.
I'm still sending you some calm vibes.Wink

Bakingtins · 23/10/2013 07:32

Sorry to hear that. thinking of you today. Hope the abx kick in soon and you can go home to recuperate. Flowers

marriedinwhiteisback · 23/10/2013 07:48

Oh sweetheart. I lost babies at 17 weeks, 27 weeks and 11 weeks. The 11 week loss was by far the worst in some ways because it was badly handled and that was 17 years ago. I also had an infection after the ERPC but managed with anti-biotics at home.

I think at the moment you need to focus on the treatment you need and calmly keep asserting that you are in the wrong place in the hospital and you are finding it very distressing. Try to focus on getting better and getting home and in then in a week or two when you feel in a better place the complain.

Hope you are feeling better soon and sorry you are going through this.

Best wishes.

Original poster
Handsfullandlovingit · 23/10/2013 12:15

Thank you all so much. Married, that sounds awful, I do hope you had some form of happy ending? Things seen less dire in the daylight. I'm having another 2 days antibiotics, then scan and Erpc if needed on Friday. Apparently its a tennis ball size clot. Nice. I wonder if there's any activity I can do to encourage things to get moving a bit? Squats, lunges, crazy yoga?

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteisback · 23/10/2013 12:30

It was all a very long time ago. And yes a very happy ending with two darling older teenagers and if what happened hadn't happened I would have different children and I couldn't imagine a life like that. I was lucky because I conceived again quickly each time. Still very very hard but I sometimes look at dd who was born 51 weeks after DS2 died and well up with joy because I have her.

I'm sure that in the big scheme of things this is a dark blip in a bigger picture ofparenthood and family life.

It's just a shame that the health professionals don't always seem to understand the importance of the unborn child, that they might be deeply wanted and thus handle it badly. I think they get hardened by their experiences but we don't.

Get well soon ((((hugs)))

BabsAndTheRu · 23/10/2013 14:05

Handsfullandlovingit so sorry you are going through this. I miscarried at home with our first baby at 10weeks and will never forget the sonographer at the hospital asking me as she was about to do the scan " what am I looking for here then" in a really frosty tone. My reply was you are checking that my baby has gone, but then if you had read the notes you would have known that, clearly you haven't. My mum was with me who is a retired midwife and she actually gave the first response which was "good god how insensitive". Love my mum for that.
Maybe they are hardened by their experiences but if so they are in the wrong job.

nancerama · 23/10/2013 14:17

Handsfull, I'm so sorry you have been re admitted. I can't even begin to understand how you must be feeling right now.

How can the hospital think it's ok to put you on a postnatal ward? Please complain (again) to PALS and to the MSLC (maternity services liaison committee). It was bad enough when I was discharged from the gynaecological ward as visiting hours were beginning and having to make small talk with excited grandparents in the lift. I may have lost it entirely being surrounded by newborns.

vladthedisorganised · 23/10/2013 14:36

I'm so sorry to hear your story. The anaesthetist was really insensitive - medical term or otherwise, surely the training covers what not to say for an ERPC?
But then to put you on a postnatal ward is incredibly shit. Please please please complain to PALS and MSLC. I would have really lost it being surrounded by newborns.

satsumagirl · 23/10/2013 14:39

Really sorry to hear this. The anaesthetist sounds like a complete bell end. Definitely complain.

You are handling this all so well- I take my hat off to you. Hugs xx

bonzo77 · 23/10/2013 14:39

this is just awful. I hope you spend the time you are in drafting your complaint letter. I'm sure that there is a code of practice regarding management of miscarriage, including that women should not be treated in the same department as pregnant women or those with babies. As for that anaesthetist, an absolute disgrace. If English is not his first language he should be trained in the appropriate medical terminology for his job.

If I am local to you I could drop in earplugs. PM me, I'm in north London if that helps.

Original poster
Handsfullandlovingit · 23/10/2013 17:41

Again, thank you all. We aren't in the postnatal ward, but I was at the edge of the gynae which was next door to postnatal.

We had some fun and games today. Doctor decided to give me a full 48 hours of antibiotics, so no eprc today. So having been nil by mouth since 6pm Tuesday, at 11 am today they decided not to operate. Nobody brought me anything to eat or drink. DH was about to go to work, but thankfully got me a muffin before he left. Then they also forgot to give me lunch. I got a bit fed up by this point (2pm) so struggled into my clothes and cannula attached went through the whole hospital to get lunch from the canteen. Had to hide in the loos until I stopped crying! But I stomped up 3 flights of stairs to get back. They moved me into a better room (hurray).

I then started bleeding and produced some gigantic clots. So I do hope that means no more eprc. It is very painful, proper labour tactics deployed. I am so pleased that my body seems to finally have got the hint! Sorry for the essay, it's been a bit of a day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Handsfullandlovingit · 23/10/2013 17:42

And bono, that's such a sweet offer, I'm in Kent and my DH has supplied me with some earplugs already!

OP posts:
ZombieZing · 23/10/2013 19:14

sweetheart, how are you now? such a horrendous time, I hope you've eaten and not in pain. (physically at least)

I can't believe they are not looking after you properlyAngry
(when you have recovered you do need to complain, that is appalling).

(hugs)Thanks

Original poster
Handsfullandlovingit · 23/10/2013 19:59

Zing, thank you! I am feeling a lot brighter now, I am demanding as many painkillers as possible. The worst of the bleeding has subsided, thankfully I can get off the loo! The nurses are really lovely, I just wish they had more time to care. I have decided I am going to have two more gorgeous babies to add to my current 2, just to cheer myself up. Just need to get this nasty bit done first...

OP posts:
ZombieZing · 23/10/2013 20:09

good to hear you are feeling a bit better and that the nurses are lovely.
and the painkillers no doubt help a great deal!Wink

I like your future plans! Smile

I'll pm you a TTC thread I'm on, should you be interested to join when you are ready (or even sooner for support).

when can you go home?

I hope you have a good night sleep tonight!
Brew & Cake

marriedinwhiteisback · 23/10/2013 20:19

I'd just make a little list of what has gone wrong so far and ask for the ward sister. I'd just hand it to her and say I hope you will make sure I'm better looked after from now.

picklebum2011 · 23/10/2013 22:26

I'm so very sorry, hope you get home really soon. X

Oddsocksrus · 23/10/2013 22:32

That is appalling, which hospital are you in, can one of us come and be with you/deliver earplugs/take the newborn and it's mother home?!?!?

Oddsocksrus · 23/10/2013 22:34

We are here for handholding remotely too Halloween Smile

Oddsocksrus · 23/10/2013 22:42

I'm in Kent too, food parcel perhaps? [thlfrin]
What is it with hospitals?my dad had major heart surgery and it took almost a week to get him on a food list, someone somewhere in their system must have made the link between good nutrition and health???.....

beachesandbuckets · 23/10/2013 22:52

Handsful, sorry to hear what an awful time you have had, but like your optimism! I had mmc, erpc, lots of after bleeding this time last year (already have 2 dcs) although not as hideous as your experience, however currently b/feeding my baby twins so you never know, you may just have 4 next year :) sending hugs x

Flibbertyjibbet · 23/10/2013 23:23

Sorry you are going through all this. My first mac I opted for the pesaary and pills treatment that means you miscarry in hosp on a ward. I was in a 10 bed ward and three other women were having the treatment as an early abortion, and tried to chat to me assuming I was in for the same thing. Another had had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy and wandered over, dragging her drip, to ask me what I was in for. I told her there was no heartbeat at my 12 week scan and so I was in basically waiting for the baby to come out. She actually said 'well its worse for ME cos at least you already knew your baby was dead'. ShockAngry

So on my 2nd loss, there was no way I was a)leaving myself open to comments and conversation from unsympathetic women, and b) didn't want a repeat of spending such a an emotionally traumatic and physically painful time on an open ward, so I opted for eprc.

I was in hosp doing my nil by mouth time, when a nurse came round to take my details. One of the questions was 'were you referred here by your GP or (name of abortion advisory service that I can't remember)? '.

I was a bit puzzled and said neither, that my scan showed no heartbeat.

It wasn't until I got home that I realised the assumption behind her question and it upset me for MONTHS.

In the end I realised that she does this day in day out. She wasn't judging me, she was just filling in the boxes on a form. But at the time of a loss, it just seems to add to the pain.

Flibbertyjibbet · 23/10/2013 23:25

Darned autocorrect. Mac = mmc

Handsfullandlovingit · 24/10/2013 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bakingtins · 24/10/2013 07:39

Hope you make good your escape today. Being fed when you are an inpatient should not be an optional extra!
When you feel up to it, please do write and complain. It's only by forcing them to recognise how these thing impact on patients that anything will ever change.
On the flip side, we should also make a point of giving positive feedback if someone has done well or been caring. I am currently bring cared for at EPU, and since my first visit there in 2006 things have improved immeasurably.