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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

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Original poster

4th Miscarriage

18 replies

Alibobster · 29/12/2010 14:07

Have found out today that my wee tiny bean with its heartbeat is no more. This is my 4th miscarriage and my second mmc. I have to go tomorrow for a ERPC and I'm so fucking angry and scared.

Don't know how I'll ever get past this, I can't believe that they're going to take my wee baby away from me. I just keep holding onto the scan picture I have and I don't know what to do. My heart is broken

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Original poster
Alibobster · 04/01/2011 22:07

Does anyone have any idea of what the next step might be for me? I have had the chromosomal and clotting tests done but all normal. I have taken low dose aspirin and hcg injections but obviously nothing working.

It will probably be a couple of months before i see consultant again and I just wondered if anyone had been in my position and knew what else could be given to me to try to help me maintain future pregnancy?

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Original poster
Alibobster · 02/01/2011 21:08

Thanks iggi, everything went well. The dr I had was fantastic, spent a long time talking to me, telling me never to give up and gave me a lot of useful and postive information I'd never had before.

The worst bit was getting the drip in. Couldn't find a vein and have been left with two badly bruised hands. Physically I'm fine, mentally not so great.

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iggi999 · 02/01/2011 19:16

AliB hope things went ok for you at the hospital. Must say I quite liked the post-operative bit, enough drugs in me to have a decent sleep and not to care what was going on. Settling back into "normal" life is/will be much harder.

iggi999 · 02/01/2011 19:16

AliB hope things went ok for you at the hospital. Must say I quite liked the post-operative bit, enough drugs in me to have a decent sleep and not to care what was going on. Settling back into "normal" life is/will be much harder.

Original poster
Alibobster · 01/01/2011 09:31

Thanks Dozer, lovely news about your dd x

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Dozer · 01/01/2011 09:27

hi ladies, so sorry you're going through this. Just want to say that I had four early miscarriages after DD1, and this time a year ago felt really low about it, but the fifth pregnancy (I had some treatment, although I didn't find out for sure what was wrong) went fine and I now have a lovely second baby daughter.

Best wishes for a better year for you all in 2011.

Original poster
Alibobster · 31/12/2010 08:06

Zuzkah, hope everything went well yesterday x

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Original poster
Alibobster · 29/12/2010 21:14

Zuzkah I will be thinking of you tomoroow x

I don't think I will ever be ready to have this op however I am glad to be going tomorrow to get things over with, I can't wait any longer knowing that my wee bean is no longer alive inside me.

Mumatron, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. i wish you and your bubba all the health and happiness and the world.

Jasmine51 -"i'm not crying because you are gone, I'm smiling because you were here'. I will try to remember this always. Being pregnant albeit for a short time, was such a happy time for me & DH.

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zuzkah · 29/12/2010 21:01

I am so sorry you feel so bad. It can be very hard for some people. I agree with iggi999 though. If you are not ready postpone the op. I found out on the 15th Dec my baby died and then was given some time to deal with it and make a decision. I went back today and they did another scan so I was 100% sure the baby had no HB. I am going for ERPC tomorrow but feel 'ready' for it. Well, feel like I can deal with it and am ready for a new beginning.
Wish you all the best and hope you will feel better and come to terms with your loss.

iggi/mumatron - My hospital sends all the materials for testing. I will feel better knowing there was nothing more sinister to my mmc than bad luck.

Jasmeni51 - I really like your mantra and coping methods. Sounds similar to my style of coping. Good luck with your pg.

jasmine51 · 29/12/2010 20:11

ali just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and sending you support.
I have also had 4 mcs and had to think of them as biological shells that werent strong enough to receive a soul, it was the only way I could deal with it. I also hung on to the mantra 'I'm not crying because you are gone, I'm smiling because you were here'
These are obviously very personal thoughts and I hope they dont impose on your own grief.
I am now 16 wks with my 5th pg made possible due to discovery and treatment of blood disorder. Its still early days but the hope is there
Take care

xx

mumatron · 29/12/2010 19:51

ali the hospital should do some sort of service, blessing type thing that you can go to. i never went myself but if you feel like it would help you, you should go.

fwiw, i had 4 recurrent miscarriages before getting pg for the 5th time this year, now 40+5 weeks.

i was told i had about 1% change of getting and staying pregnant. So, it really is possible. Every time someone told me a story like that i would seeth inside, thinking i could not be that lucky. but, i couldn't not say it iyswim. hope io haven't offended or upset you.

i hope the erpc goes ok for you.

iggi my hospital don't do the tests routinely either. only if a consultant requests it. crappy isn't it?

iggi999 · 29/12/2010 19:07

You're in shock still at it all. Could you postpone the op for a few days if that would help you come to terms?
I don't know what others who have been through an ERPC think of what happens. In my mind the spirit/soul whatever of my baby left when its heart stopped, so I'm trying not to think much about the physical remains.
Interestingly my nhs region say it's against their policy to perform tests on what they remove. Which shocked me.

Original poster
Alibobster · 29/12/2010 18:16

igi99 I'm so sorry, It's awful to know someone else is experiencing this pain.

Ladies, thank you for your lovely messages.

I had to go for my pre-op assessment this afternoon and the Dr was explaining that when 'the products' have been looked at by the lab, they will then be cremated. I don't know what I expected to happen but this has really shocked and upset me. I feel like I am leaving me wee one alone with strangers in a hospital facing a cremation with no-one there to say goodbye, whilst I go home and get on with my life. I didn't even think to ask what they with do with the ashes.

I know I was only 10 weeks pg but to me my bean was a baby who I already loved and I can't bear the thought of it being on it's own. I can't stop crying and I can't face going to hospital tomorrow

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iggi999 · 29/12/2010 18:09

So sorry for you. I found out today I am having my third, EPRC on new year's eve.
A year ago (before I had any) I would've thought mc must get easier if you have had many, it couldn't feel as bad every time. I was wrong, it just feels worse.
Hope tomorrow goes as well as it can x

iggi999 · 29/12/2010 18:09

So sorry for you. I found out today I am having my third, EPRC on new year's eve.
A year ago (before I had any) I would've thought mc must get easier if you have had many, it couldn't feel as bad every time. I was wrong, it just feels worse.
Hope tomorrow goes as well as it can x

wellieboots · 29/12/2010 16:18

so so sorry - can't imagine how you are feeling right now but just wanted to let you know we are thinking of you

katherine2008 · 29/12/2010 16:09

I am so sorry for the pain that you are suffering and I wish I could take even the littlest bit of hurt away from you.

fairydusty · 29/12/2010 14:09

so sorry for your loss i know that doesnt help - you will gt past this, we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for -