A story of hope for you

[ozbride]

On 2nd December 2008 I promised myself I would write this post to help anyone who has experienced the devastation of a miscarriage.

I was pregnant for the first time, very excited and had told the world. I went to work and saw blood and rushed straight to hospital. A blighted ovem ended my pregnancy at 8 weeks.

I was pregnant again by January 2009 and thought it just wouldn't happen again. I went for an early scan at 6 weeks and there was a baby and a heartbeat this time. Then in March at nearly 9 weeks I started bleeding again and was told my baby had died. I was devastated and mentally was not the same person for a long time.

Positive pregnancy tests in July and September both ended up in miscarriage at 5 weeks.

If you are in this thread I know exactly what you are feeling. I know you are scared that there is something really wrong with you and that you might never have a baby. I know you are angry at the silly girls outside the hospital who smoke their brains out when you did everything 'right' and have ended up with nothing. I know you say you are fine to everyone and want to believe that yourself but also that you are so hurt inside. I know pregnancy will never be the same, that you are scared, check your knickers every hour for blood and pray every time you go to the toilet that things will be ok. I know the first 12 weeks feel like 12 years and even after that you still dont quiet believe that it will happen.

Sitting beside me now is my beautiful 3 week old son, Harry. My 5th pregnancy was a success. Please keep strong, you have such good chances of a successful pregnancy, even though you are scared that you are in that minority.

Wishing you every success for the future - you will appreciate your little one so much more for what you have been through.

xxxx

Just wanted to say congratulations on baby Harry

Just wanted to say congratulations on baby Harry

ozbride Thanks for posting. Lovely to hear that you now have Harry. Do you mind me asking if you have tests done to find out why you had to suffer 4 losses?

I had my 3rd miscarriage in June and currently having tests done. It's hard to stay positive sometimes but I find stories like yours inspirational. Your post made me quite teary, you put it so well how I am feeling right now. Congratualtions again, and hope you have not been too sleep deprived with Harry

Aww oz that has made me well up. SO lovely of you to post. Enjoy your gorgeous boy, great name BTW.

lemon had my 3rd MMC confirmed on Monday and starting to explore tests available. Are you getting much help on NHS, or are you going private?

congratulations on Harry

I also have a story of hope, to cut it all short had 5 miscarriages, tested after number 3, all fine, had 4 and 5 in very quick succession, hospital no use, referred ourselves to the recurrent miscarriage clinic at St Mary's (best in Europe I think), more tests, all fine, proscribed progesterone for next pregnancy, in the meantime ditched work (which was stressful and hateful), had acupuncture to aid conception (worked brilliantly for me), 6th positive test, acupuncture, progesterone, working from home - today I have my beautiful 8mo DD.

Have been meaning to post this for a while but wasn't sure where, just to say that it can happen even when you're feeling that it's looking impossible (age wasn't on my side either), to give some hope to those TTC after MC.

ALittleLemonTwist - you're right, it's so hard to stay postive, I found it incredibly draining, and you're trying to get on with the rest of your life, not putting everything on hold for this, but it is so hard. I really hope that it works out for you too.

x-post - and for you too jollster

susitwoshoes thanks for posting and congrats on your DD! Stories like yours really do give me hope. You are so right about putting everything on hold. You must be very strong to have gone through all that heartache. Lovely to hear your happy ending though :)

jollster so sorry to hear you are having your 3rd mc. I hope you have lots of support around you. For me, I've just had some bloods taken on the NHS. I had to wait 6 weeks for my appt and I thought it was to meet with a consultant but turns out it was just to have bloods taken by a nurse and I now have to wait a further 8 weeks to see consultant to discuss the results. Support wise, the nurse didnt really explain what she was testing for, I had to ask a lot of questions. I was initally really frustrated about the waiting but tbh I don't think I will be emtionally ready to try again for a good few months yet anyway, so now i'm ok-ish to wait to find out the results.

I've had a natural killer cell test done privately and need to go in to discuss results which I've been putting off. Whereabouts are you based? I am having my private testing done at the Lister Clinic in London and can give you more details if you would like - just let me know. Fingers crossed that it will work out for both of us next time.

this post moved me, although you say your fine inside your broken, facing people who knew you were pregnant is so hard to do, feeling ashamed that you lost the baby as if i was your fault, hating all the teen pregnancies, the pregnant women who sit smoking and drinking and have healthy babies...we hate them all and on top of that a sense of jealousy hits a thousad to one when your best friends says she's expecting or the neighbour down the road has just had her baby (not meaning to feel that way and feeling even worse because you do) but at the same time you feel like you just want some one to come and wrap thier arms around you and tell you its going to be ok and soon you will have a budle of joy of your own in your arms.

ITS SO NICE KNOWING YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEEL A LITTLE SILLY AND LOST DURING THESE HARD TIMES...MY HEART GOES TO EVERYONE XXXXXX

Just wanted to add to this with another happy ending to give you all something to hold on to...

I had 3 miscarriages all in a row - the first was, without a doubt, the worst because I simply wasn't expecting it. Had come off the pill and got pregnant almost immediately, then I had some appendix trouble and had to have an early scan, and that's when I learnt the baby had died. I couldn't believe that I hadn't known. I felt like I'd let him/her down because surely my body should have been the safest place for my baby to be. I was, to put it mildly, devastated, confused, angry, hurt and grief-stricken.

Then it happened again 5 months later. This time I knew to expect it, but it still hurt.

And then again 3 months later.

Then I went for tests. Nothing showed up but was told to take a baby aspirin a day, and prescription doses of folic acid, and then when I did get pregnant again, progesterone.

And it worked. My beautiful daughter was born almost 3 years ago now.

I did a lot of research at the time, and I also know that none of those things could have been the answer, but that there is a lot of research that suggests that simply 'TLC' from a doctor/professional can make all the difference. There's a very good book by Lesley Reagan (who I think works at St Mary's) which covers this in the last chapter - I think the book is simply called 'Miscarriage' - you can probably find it on Amazon.

So my advice to anyone going through this, is to get help. Having someone take an interest and actually DO something may be all it takes.

Wishing all of you absolutely the best.

thank you ozbride and longrasswhispers for your inspiring stories. And congratulations on your successful pregancies and little ones. x

Ozbride,susitwoshoes & longrasswhispers

Great to hear your happy endings - thanks so much for your positive posts, it really does help.

PHPxxx

Thanks all for sharing your positive stories, it's really heartening to hear them and it gives us all some geniune hope to hold on to.

i too have wanted to post, my little girl is finally here after two mmc and a fretful pregnancy. Good luck everyone xx

Thank for sharing those post it was lovely and give us hope

congratulations on baby harry ozbride xxx

Thank you Ozbride. I am so glad you made that promise to yourself because you have given me hope.
Many of the feelings you describe I can relate to and am grateful to hear your happy ending...congratulations on the arrival of Harry.

ozbridge hope you don't mind me asking but did you do anything differently for your 5th pregnancy e.g. asprin, progesterone etc. or was it just a case of 5th time lucky?

Oh yay Ozbride I'm so glad to hear your news!!!!!!

I remember you from the Knicker Checkers' thread. Congratulations on Harry that's fab

Just wanted to add my story of eventual happiness...a beautiful baby girl.
Fell pregnant in Nov 08 and from the beggining had spotting throughout had many scans and bloods which kept confirming baby was ok. To cut a long story short this carried on all over xmas until week 10 when we were told we had a mmc probably on New Years Day. Had a ERPC Jan 09.

Fell pregnant again in May 09 and from 6weeks spotted on and off, 12 week scan showed perfect baby and then at 17weeks had massive bleed thought had miscarrige but baby was still there and kicking.Bledding continued until about week 26 and so this pregnancy was spent being anxious and knicker checking every 5 mins and found it really hard to enjoy until about week 29 (my dh didnt get there until sometime after this).

Eventually after a 3 day labour in Jan 10 and an emergency c section ( 5 days late) my beautiful baby girl was born 9lb 2oz! She then ended up in intensive care for 3 weeks which was touch and go, after a very trying time she made a full recovery.

Basically what i'm trying to say is although we have had one of the hardest times getting to this point we would not change it for the world. I have been through every emotion going and thought every irrational thought possiable but something keeps you going and good things can happen xxx

Wow, thanks for all of your amazing stories everyone!
They are so inspiring! I think I'm having a second mc now, but am holding onto a bit of hope after reading these!

I've just started miscarrying today, my second in 4 months. It isn't as much of a shock as the first, but it feels like everything inside emotionally has been sucked out.

I started spotting 4 days ago and it has been getting heavier until I started passing clots today. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I will look into St Mary's clinic as I don't want the emotional pain of this again. Thanks for sharing.

Btw, I'm not sure if I should go to the EPU or just let nature take it's course. should you always go to the EPU when it happens?

I was 5 W+7 days. First time I was 8 weeks pregnant. Maybe I will go to the EPU but perhaps I should wait for the mc to carry on for a few days before the EPU visit so they can see more about what has happened or still has to happen.

I have already made a doctors app to get a referral to St Marys. I don't want to go through this again several times before getting a visit. I pay my taxes and want to know as much as I can about myself.