Email from my child’s infant school uk? I’m sorry but this all seems wrong?

[Frazzledmomma123]

Dear Families,

I wanted to address a concern that has understandably been raised regarding the use of a ‘safe word’ to move children out of the classroom. On reflection, we recognise that terms such as safe word and evacuation can raise anxiety and concern.

We agree that children should not have to leave their own classroom in order to feel safe. However, there are times, though not daily, when moving the class is the safest option for all children. This has happened a few times, and only when absolutely necessary. We fully accept having to go to such measures is a worry, but it is a system that schools are having to turn to more and more. I appreciate this provides little comfort, but hopefully helps you hear that supporting emotional regulation has become a real focus and factor for schools nationally.

The children themselves were involved in choosing the word, and the purpose was to minimise panic and keep the situation calm if it needed to be used. Our aim is always for every child to feel safe, happy, and able to learn in their classroom, as is their right. We are putting a range of steps and strategies in place to work towards this, and we do not intend this approach to become the “go‑to.”

We also want to reassure you that we are supporting children to understand that behaviour is a communication of feelings, but the way those feelings are shown must still be safe and appropriate. We do not condone unsafe behaviour, and we share parents’ concerns about children seeing this as “normal.” I have spoken with the class to reiterate that message and reminded them that they should always talk to a trusted adult if they feel unsure or worried. In school, children choose five trusted adults; it may be helpful to have a similar conversation at home about who your child feels they can talk to at school.

We are very aware that things are challenging at the moment. We do not want this to continue, and we are actively putting support in place to help all children feel safe and settled in their learning environment.

Thank you for reading, please keep speaking to us about your concerns.

It can take years of fighting for a specialist setting. Specialist settings also require the child to have an EHCP in place which, again, can also take years to battle for and even then, the LA can decide to put the child in mainstream largely because it is cheaper.

And the thing is - on this thread we're talking about safety and removing children / teachers from harm due to others behaviour. This is a safety issue - and it's not even resolvable, really.

This is before we've even got to the impact of significant 'lower level' disruptive behaviour - and the effect this has on the kids in class and their learning. That must be a huge issue too.

Together it all spells disaster for these schools. What is the 'White Paper proposing? It doesn't sound like it'll make it better. I'll have a look

Yes this is my experience. DS1 was born on the cusp of viability 20 years ago. We know around 10 similarly premature young people and 8 of them are autistic and have other disabilities too. Only one of the ten didn’t need support at school. After DS’s state infant school placement completely broke down (I posted upthread that he was thrown around by another child while his dedicated 1:1 LSA was redeployed elsewhere), we had to go private for several years before the LA would fund a special school place for him.

what exactly are these children (ones that cause this level of disruption and that can inflict serious injuries to others) getting from mainstream schooling?

this system seems nuts to me. i come from an ex communist country and can’t comment much on the quality of the institution itself but have not felt unsafe one day at school. violent kids were quickly removed - no idea where they were placed but violence was not accepted regardless of reason. why should 29 kids be terrified cos of 1 kid?! bonkers

I have two SEN DC, twins.

DS has high needs and had a special school placement. To give you an idea of his needs, he's 16 years old and still in nappies. They made us try mainstream school at first with a 1:1 - I was an inexperienced parent and naive. I wish I'd known then what I know now about how to fight for what my son needed, and not just blindly accept what the professionals said was the best solution. Hint: it bloody wasn't and left my son traumatised for life.

DD was a different matter - she passes very well for NT, despite having fairly significant needs too. She's autistic, ADHD, and dyslexic. She also has a separate language processing disorder that means she can't follow a class discussion. She coped at mainstream until she was 10 years old when it became apparent that she couldn't manage, even with a 1:1.

The educational psychologist agreed that my DD wouldn't cope in mainstream. However, she also didn't qualify for special school as she is bright. DD isn't explosive, she's a selective mute at times of stress. We were told that DD would have to go to mainstream secondary school and just manage as best as she could - even though they all agreed that she wouldn't be able to understand or follow the lessons. Their solution was for me to teach her the syllabus in advance of the lesson, every lesson, so that she would come to each lesson already having learned the necessary.

ANd for that reason, I've home educated my DC since the age of 10. DS was ecstatic not to be going to school (remember the trauma I mentioned?) and DD was much happier at home too. It was never my plan and it caused financial difficulties but there was no way I was subjecting my DD to an environment everyone agreed she wouldn't manage. I was told she had to fail first and only once she was traumatised would they consider anything else - although they all also said they didn't know what that would be as there isn't anything for children like my DD.

It's worth mentioning at this point that I was also the SEN school governor for 5+ years.

Inclusion is very trendy but in so many cases it's not the best option. Our SEN children suffer and our non-SEN children suffer. It's not helpful for anyone - but it is the cheapest option. Budget cutting dressed up as equality.

And if you have an SEN child who's explosive then things become infinitely worse. For every child in that room.

I'm not saying that SEN children don't ever belong in mainstream but quite often, it's not the case. We have insufficient numbers of special school places for our children with the greatest difficulties and in many counties simply no provision at all for the large cohort of SEN children who fall somewhere in the middle.

I don't understand? Who's using the safe word? The teacher? Our school has a lockdown procedure and it was used when there was a man on the loose in the local area with a knife, they were told it was a dog on school grounds but older children know you don't shut blinds and lockdown for a dog!!

Or is this about children with special needs having a word so they can be removed from the classroom/other children being able to exit the classroom if the child who has issues is acting up? The email isn't clear to me?

I don't think institutions for disabled children in ex soviet countries are anything to aspire to.

’Special schools’ have been closing for years so mainstream have to cope unless the parents agree that their child can do better elsewhere. They would then need to wait for a place. Recently we had a 5 yr old who had to apply for one place where 15 children had applied. Fortunately for her, her needs were deemed worthy of the place. Mum was in full agreement. If she had not been , the mainstream school would have to cope.
I have had a chair thrown at me( child had PDA) and been charged at with a snapped off branch while being called a C**T ( child had serious attachment issues from pre adoptive abuse) and both events happened in front of the rest of the class. I was a TA at the time.

“Forcibly remove” are you aware of the training and risks needed to do something so awful to a child …where it was permitted in child detention centres there were several deaths …so it is now severely curtailed.

There are any number of trauma based reasons a child may exhibit challenging behaviours and I wouldn’t want to live in a society that didn’t attempt to protect and shelter them. In your forcibly remove world what are you teaching children OP? Certainly not to descalate and use our words or any other strategy that doesn’t make things worse

Communist countries largely split children into educable and non educable (as did other countries at the time).

non educable children went to resudential institutions much as in the U.K. or America in the 40s until the 1970s.

educable children went to specialist schools / blind, deaf, etc. availability was variable as it was in the western world.

https://sjdr.se/articles/10.1080/15017419.2013.861865

it was only in the 1970s in the U.K. that it was accepted that every child had a right to education. Prior to that local authorities could simply say the child was uneducable and that was it.

that’s why there were so few kids with special needs in schools in the 50s and 60s - the local authority could just get rid of them.

We are also assuming here that there is a clear SEND, when of course this could be just behaviour - So many of the need in our local primary school (rural, mostly white british) was actually just behaviour (which usually comes hand in hand with lack of parental involvment, low aspiration, lack of home routine, high use of screens...).

It’s because the need has rocketed up, and the places in special schools have not expanded to match that need.

Partly it’s because the population has increased, and so of course the number of kids with special needs has gone up.

Partly it’s because kids with special needs are now much more likely to survive their first few years, and much less likely to be institutionalised so are actually needing school places.

Yes, exactly this.

My DM has cerebral palsy - she can walk but has mobility difficulties. No cognitive issues at all.

In the 1950s/1960s she was sent to a special school. She learned to type - but nothing else. She wasn't given the opportunity to do her O-levels in any subject, it simply wasn't an option at a special school at the time.

I can remember her describing a friend of hers from school who had polio.

She spent quite a fair bit of time at her school looking after some of the younger children there with more severe disabilities.

Many of the children at DM's school would have been fully able to participate in a mainstream school but back then, a disability of any kind meant you didn't have the chance.

Nowadays we've swung too far the other way and DC who need a specialist setting are being forced into mainstream.

Usually when a child is dysregulated within a classroom sometimes they know they can remove a child easily, other times they need at least 2 members of staff to basically physically remove them. It is sometimes a case of moving all the children away from the child, other times they have to remove all the children to keep them safe whilst they remove a child running over desks etc.

This isn't just about SEND children or behavioural issues, sometimes it is medical. We had a child with a complete personality change after having brain cancer. So this can happen to any child at any time.

Yes there needs to be better provisions for children for whom mainstream school is not the best option but sadly a lot of parents will argue that their child should be educated amongst their peers and they are entitled to do this within reason, they are protected by the Equalities Act. There are just simply not enough specialist schools both primary and secondary. This is why supporting SEND provision is so important even when you think it doesn't apply to your child if they are NT because they are affected by this behaviour within their school and classroom.

If there are 25 children in a primary school and one of them is making the other children and teachers unsafe by throwing around furniture, then the health, welfare and safety of the the 24 other children and teacher are more important than trying to emotionally regulate one child.

Otherwise, it is the tail wagging the dog. The Greater Good comes first.

The child who is endangering 24 other children and at least one adult should not be in the classroom because he is just one and there at least 25 other people whose safety and mental health comes before one individual.

PP say that there are no special school places and that's a shame but no way should the bodily and mental safety of others be sacrificed because of this.

If there is no special place to put the violent child, then he must stay at home because he should not be made the problem of the other children.

Will that be difficult for the family? Possibly.

Would I rather that than one of the other children be hit on the head by a flying chair. yes, I would and if others spoke the truth, then so would they.

One uncontrollable and dangerous child should not be calling the shots.

Would you be happy if your husband did this in the home? If a supermarket worker did it? If a childminder's child did it?

If you answer NO to one of those then why should my child or your child be treated to it in the classroom

Exactly this! And even with SEND kids not all behaviour is down to SEND. We’re failing not only the NT kids but the ND children by not preparing them for a society where rules and regulations apply without consideration of their diagnosis and expectations are the same as everyone else. This might sound mean but it’s reality and a society factoring in every single required allowance is impossible

What consequences would you suggest?

You're not asking me @Parker231 but I would say any that work.

Trial them all and see which is the most effective.

Aah, here come the predictable comments about how SEN kids just need to learn to behave.

MN never fails.

I've made my point so I'm going to leave this thread - the point being that the current education system is failing ALL of our children currently and there needs to be better provisions.

Seems ok to me. There may be situations with kids kicking off where they need to move the kids. Best for everyone.

This was my thoughts when receiving the email. Normalising this as an expected occurrence is bonkers to me. It didn’t happen when I was at school and before everyone says kids were just not diagnosed, well yeah they were expected to behave like everyone else was. That might have made them uncomfortable or unhappy and I don’t think we should just go back to that, but we didn’t need to have safe words or miss lessons because of one child’s behaviour.

Gosh I can't believe teachers have never thought to try that 🤔

No one has said Send kids need to behave. Send doesn't always present in disruptive behaviour! However, assuming that all bad behaviour is an additional need is frankly ridiculous. But i guess it makes people feel better to say their child has additional needs when in fact they have awful parents.

At least you’ve been told. I only find out from my daughter that once again the same child has stabbed the teacher with a pencil, thrown a chair at their 1-1, jumped on a table and the rest of the class had to evacuate to the dining room and miss maths. It happens at least once a week, sometimes several times. The child was expelled from a different school in reception and the DD’s class was undersubscribed so I guess they’re staying here for the rest of primary. It’s completely unacceptable and the fact that the rest of the class is just used to this level of violence is a fucking disgrace.

And so much for “inclusion” there are two diagnosed autistic children in the class who cope very well with adjustments and are thriving and learning until the disruptive child kicks off - literally, and they fall apart. As you would.

For those saying move your DC, how do you know it won’t be the same at another school? Or six months later a child like this will join your DC’s class? That child is still legally entitled to an education. We are all being failed by our government’s lack of funding.

Amazingly, they are opening a new SEN primary in my town. Very much needed and welcomed by all parents because we need all children to be properly supported and educated.