Email from my child’s infant school uk? I’m sorry but this all seems wrong?

[Frazzledmomma123]

Dear Families,

I wanted to address a concern that has understandably been raised regarding the use of a ‘safe word’ to move children out of the classroom. On reflection, we recognise that terms such as safe word and evacuation can raise anxiety and concern.

We agree that children should not have to leave their own classroom in order to feel safe. However, there are times, though not daily, when moving the class is the safest option for all children. This has happened a few times, and only when absolutely necessary. We fully accept having to go to such measures is a worry, but it is a system that schools are having to turn to more and more. I appreciate this provides little comfort, but hopefully helps you hear that supporting emotional regulation has become a real focus and factor for schools nationally.

The children themselves were involved in choosing the word, and the purpose was to minimise panic and keep the situation calm if it needed to be used. Our aim is always for every child to feel safe, happy, and able to learn in their classroom, as is their right. We are putting a range of steps and strategies in place to work towards this, and we do not intend this approach to become the “go‑to.”

We also want to reassure you that we are supporting children to understand that behaviour is a communication of feelings, but the way those feelings are shown must still be safe and appropriate. We do not condone unsafe behaviour, and we share parents’ concerns about children seeing this as “normal.” I have spoken with the class to reiterate that message and reminded them that they should always talk to a trusted adult if they feel unsure or worried. In school, children choose five trusted adults; it may be helpful to have a similar conversation at home about who your child feels they can talk to at school.

We are very aware that things are challenging at the moment. We do not want this to continue, and we are actively putting support in place to help all children feel safe and settled in their learning environment.

Thank you for reading, please keep speaking to us about your concerns.

🙄🙄🙄 imagine how much harder it is for the kids actually not being able to cope . If only you could put yourself in others shoes too .
Your child acne cope with help , mine did , others do .
As I replied to someone else my son went to school with a 11 year old that had a bike accident and became disabled , his whole family had to cope with this overnight , including his frustration from brain damage and outbursts. Anyone can become disabled . Always remember that .

And what would you consider to be winding up a SEN child? Playing chase? Being noisy? Sitting quietly on the grass with your back to the child?

There was a thread by a TA that had been clubbed on the back of the head with a log and SEN parents were victim blaming her - 'why were you sitting on the floor?', 'why were you lower than the child', 'why did you have your back to the child?'.

Children that do that, shouldn't be in mainstream schools. Children can't be expected to manage that level of risk from engaging in simple childhood behaviours.

DS1 has complex physical, psychological, medical and developmental needs. Part of his disabilities means he displays behaviours that challenge and self injurious behaviour. He isn’t in school. He has EOTAS/EOTIS. He has 2:1 at all times and 3:1 at points. He has that for many reasons. For many reasons, even when his needs are met, he still needs that.

However, many don’t require high ratios when their needs are met. The problem is, your proposals won’t meet the needs of many.

Exactly. I'm 58 and autistic. I watched children's TV when I was a child, the 2 or whatever hours we had after school. Autism is hereditary.

Which is something to take away from this thread that I was unaware of. Unless you have contact or are currently parenting in this situation it’s hard to understand but sometimes by asking you get pushed back as being a monster or being judgemental it’s also hard to even know what questions to ask. We’re all just trying to keep our kids safe and happy in a world we had no experience of and with little information or the information we get sounds terrifying and bizarre without context.

Absolutely, he needs it, so he should have it. I just mean it's extremely rare to need 3:1 at all times and so no one should be thinking that there are loads of children with 3:1 EHCP provision.

Oh I know what you meant. I was explaining to the other poster who doesn’t understand why some need that level of support and receive an education.

Not always. Sometimes they need their classmates to be taught not to wind up the ND child. My DS2 is now very calm in school because his classmates have learnt to treat him like everyone else.

I don’t think I would. I gave an example of one violent child above but there was another child too prior to that in the class of eldest DC. Once he was kicking off and two male staff members came in and physically removed him - and some of the children cheered. Of the ones who didn’t cheer, the vast majority were ‘cheering’ in their head. Most of them were utterly sick of this child causing disruption and saw his removal as ‘justice’ and a good solution meaning they could carry on with their learning.

(To be clear, in my previous example, the child was calculatingly violent but also had meltdowns in class, usually when asked to do anything. It was these meltdowns that led to the evacuations as the calculated violence normally took place in the playground or while moving round the school)

In DS2's case, repeating noises when he's asked you to stop 3 times, saying "at least I'm not adopted" (he isn't). These are the 2 incidents I know about, I'm sure there have been many more in his 11 years of school so far.

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. If it was happening at my child's school regularly I absolutely would move them.
There needs to be a better solution.

Were you in this class?

I've seen kids laugh and jeer at restraints but that was only in a PRU. I really can't imagine it otherwise, if a child resists a move and it's not a swift process people can get hurt - I don't think many children cheer at watching other children get hurt do they?

All schools will have at least one child . I don’t think you realise up to 20% of children in school are send

No, I wasn’t in the class but I knew the TA who was. My DC also told me and this was corroborated by other children who told their parents the same. Not sure why you’re questioning me? The boy being removed wasn’t hurt. He was angry so maybe his feelings were hurt but he wasn’t.

The cheering was a culmination of difficulties with this boy, which had a big impact on the other children. So, yes, they were happy to see him removed swiftly and efficiently. Maybe it was a bit ‘mean’ of them but I can understand why they reacted the way they did.

I wonder who actually benefits from inclusion in these situations. It's shit for the staff, it's shit for the SN child, it's shit for the other kids (who can absolutely be nasty little shits towards the SN child and make things even worse). The powers that be were far too hasty in shutting down SEND schools and dressing a cost-cutting exercise up as "inclusion". Add that to shutting down Sure Start centres and COVID and no wonder councils are going bankrupt.

@Frazzledmomma123i agree with you COMPLETELY op. I’m from a poor area, went to a normal state school. Lots of shaky parenting, SEN kids (though less diagnosis back then and nearly no support except a bit of extra kindness or attention from TAs) and SEN in my family too. Behaviour had proper consequences. I cannot imagine a bigger power trip for a child than seeing their behaviour result in the whole class being moved. These kids are being set up for failure in life. If this shit happens at my kids’ schools they’ll be taken out. If my child god forbid has dysregulated behaviour themselves and it’s treated that way I’m also taking them out. Like you, I’m not judgmental, certainly not hateful or right wing etc etc and also know quite a lot about SEN and learning disabilities. I say this from a point of compassion, nothing else. There is a reason these behaviours are increasing.

@ThatLemonBee We aren’t in the uk system so perhaps it’s different where we are and there is less inclusion in mainstream, I can’t say. It’s definitely not my personal experience so far in primary though.

It benefits the LA because mainstream is less expensive than specialist schools. Cheaper for the taxpayers but all children pay the price. The Sen pupil not having his needs met and the others who have to deal with his outbursts.

A teacher friend was headbutted badly. Concussion, fractured eye socket. These are not always easy situations with neat solutions.

Literally all your posts and threads are just spewing hatred for SEN children. That’s really fucking weird.

How are you going to pay for this?
Also, this is not inclusive- just shove them all in together!

Actually I’d you talk to some of the children you are describing, when they are calm and regulated, they often do understand what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and they can explain the rules etc. The problem they experience is that in the moment of heightened overwhelm their nervous system either shuts down or goes into overdrive and the violent and similar behaviours are happening. They are physically unable to think clearly, communicate in a safe way and their behaviour is not something they would choose.
Giving consequences of punishments in these circumstances is not going to do anything beneficial for the child other than shaming them. Shame is something many of these children will experience after an episode like this and they don’t need extra adults or children adding to that shame.

Expelling a child isn’t going to help either. It doesn’t teach them anything and can add to their shame.

There’s lots of work which will be being carried out with these children to help support their emotional regulation, however the environment of a mainstream classroom can be what triggers their outbursts.
As for people who want the child for able removed. This is illegal unless someone’s life is in danger. An example of this is I’ve worked with children who might sit down in traffic on a road by school. Generally staff might go out on either side of the child and hold the traffic rather than physically remove them if it’s a road that’s not especially fast or dangerous. However if they ran into potentially fast moving traffic then a restraint would be appropriate. Where classrooms are concerned it is safer to get the rest of the class out of the room quickly than for the teacher/TA to forceably try and remove or restrain the child in question. Often they might leave a member of staff in the class sitting quietly and waiting to see if the child can regulate themselves or if they need further support. Staff might be trained to use minimal language to respond to the behaviour, or provide resources which could help with self regulation or co regulation. Trying to tell a child off/shot at them to stop will not help and will often add to escalating behaviour. Staff will be trained to have a conversation with the child after the even when they are calm to try and work out what was happening for them and where it went wrong for them.

Also people keep saying this wouldn’t be acceptable in the work place so shouldn’t be at school. Please remember that the pre frontal cortex of the brain doesn’t fully develop until around 25 years of age. Fully grown adults over 25 have more understanding of triggers, how to manage their own regulation etc. Children are still learning. Teenagers are still learning. Even young adults are still learning. And as we quite often see on reality TV shows, when adults are put in situations and all their triggers are pulled they can also react in similar ways. But they can also take consequences - although support again is more helpful

I literally picked my kids school because on the tour the teacher said very bluntly to all parents… this is a small school. We do not have the capabilities for time out/ segregation or challenging behaviours. If this is your child then this isn’t the school for you. And I will be blunt I thought fucking great! Didn’t even look at another school after that.

Before long, there will be no MS school without disruptive SEND children, because that is what Labour call 'inclusion' and are pursuing in lieu of a funded SEND strategy (and what the rest of us call 'gaslighting').

Nobody is happy with this: not you, not SEND or non-SEND parents, not teachers, not DC, nobody. Every single person here needs to respond to Bridget's White Paper.

There is a better solution, and it is enforcing the current law.

I agree. It’s completely insane to try and force children who are unable to cope in mainstream provision into that provision. It is failing to meet the needs of all the children in the room, which is criminal.