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Original poster

Is it okay to let baby cry?

33 replies

mumtotwoboys · 07/05/2010 16:40

My 3 week old is getting a bit ridiculous now. At first he was an angel, now he'll just cry to be held a lot.
I could sit holding my first child until the cows came home, but I have more things to do these days and I can't hold this one 24/7.
Most of the time I'm at home I'm holding him (he's resting on me now as I type, helping himself to the boob when he likes. We sleep together too.
But like today when I was picking up my 3 year old from nursery he started crying on the way home, I picked him up to carry him, and push pram, and hold 3yo's hand, but I thought this is ridiculous, it's been a long day, I just wanna get home. I put baby back in the pram and he was crying and I wwalked faster to get home. I hate to hear him crying but I can't keep dropping everything, I need to get things done.
I'm interupted constantly at home while trying to get house work done, because he wants to be held and breastfed for 2 minutes at a time.
Maybe I should stop holding him so much so he gets used to it?
But I like having him close to me, just not all the time!! I'm trying to make myself a bloody coffee, take a shower (I had to get out with conditioner still in my hair because I couldn't stand him crying yesterday!)
Arg
What to do...

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TanteRose · 07/05/2010 16:41

get a sling

Missus84 · 07/05/2010 16:43

Prolonged periods of crying isn't good for young babies - it makes them stressed. I'd also think about getting a sling so your hands are free and you can get on with things.

Meglet · 07/05/2010 16:44

Yes, a sling will help.

The electric swing chairs are handy too.

Although I did leave mine to cry for a few minutes if I had to do something with free hands.

Original poster
mumtotwoboys · 07/05/2010 16:48

I have a sling it's stupid one shoulder thinng that hurts after a while, I would like to get a better one when I can afford it, that would be nice, yes.

OP posts:
MrsCurly · 07/05/2010 17:35

freecycle?

Missus84 · 07/05/2010 17:56

Ebay is quite good for second hand slings too.

SamanthaFox · 07/05/2010 17:57

I thought you meant freecycle the baby!

M22B, I had a similar situation, ie an older kid and a baby...tbh you need to cut back on your other demands.
It's really important to respond to the crying ASAP because otherwise they start to cry more, as they anticipate not being responded to quickly - it becomes a vicious circle.

Sorry but it is also better for them in other ways, too - you really need to spend as much time sitting with them or walking about with them as poss.

I was on my own too, and sometimes it was not easy but often it could be managed if I just left other stuff a bit.
I stopped taking ds1 out to playgroup and so on, we just hung around at home and mucked about and only went out to corner shop if we had to.

It was much better that way. A bouncy chair thing, swing or sling might also work for you...sorry, it is really hard but it will pass and get easier I promise.

SamanthaFox · 07/05/2010 17:59

For instance when you were trying to get home, carrying the baby, perhaps you could have sat with him for a while, just stopped and sat there or maybe even breastfed him en route, then he might have stopped for long enough for you to get home. iyswim

That's the kind of thing we ended up doing a lot!
Is there anything you could do less of, for a while? Stuff you don't really need or want to do? Prioritise! And stuff other people#s expectations, as well

monkeyness · 07/05/2010 20:34

mumtotwoboys I have a small tricotti sling you can have, I was going to put it on gumtree but its yours if you want it!

Original poster
mumtotwoboys · 07/05/2010 21:21

Honestly samanthafox I think I do too little already, I'm not a busy body.
Maybe my timing of doing things could be better. But when he's sleeping I just want to relax, then he wakes up and I realise we have things I need to get done.
He's definately more willing to cry than DS1 was, maybe because he knows he has to!

Monkeyness
that would be brilliant to have that!

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 07/05/2010 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 07/05/2010 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Supercherry · 07/05/2010 21:35

Also, timing journey's with nap time if at all possible can also help avoid the crying.

For example, DS2, now 6mths will cry in the car if he is awake so I would rock him in the car seat to get him to sleep so I can put him in the car without disturbing him.

Second the sling too.

Also, have you tried a dummy?

It does get easier as they get older. Now I can pass DS2 a toy if he cries in the car and that will sometimes distract him a little while.

mnistooaddictive · 07/05/2010 21:37

DD1 was like that when she was tired. If I could get her to sleep before she reached that stage it was Ok. I think at that age they shouldn't be awake for more than an hour at a time.

Tryharder · 07/05/2010 22:38

Well, I don't think it will hurt him to be left crying for a minute while you go to the toilet or grab something to eat. But leaving him for extended periods to scream would be bad. But then you know that and that's not what you are talking about anyway.

If it helps, my DS2 was like your 3 week old is. He wanted to be held 24/7, hated the pushchair, electric swing thingy and car seat that babies are supposed to like. But he grew out of it and is a placid little soul now.

hairymelons · 07/05/2010 23:08

My DS1 was the same. Always wanted to be either held or feeding, just bawled the rest of the time. It was a bit grim and I imagine it's even harder with an older one to look after.

My sling was crap too, hopefully you've got a fab new one coming from Monkeyness.

If he's yelling all the way back from nursery it might be worth just stopping and feeding him. Not easy with a 3 yo too but when eventually I figured out that a 5 min feed would keep DS going long enough to get home, life improved.

Don't worry that the crying is hurting him, I think the important bit is to respond. If you are talking to and shushing him and legging it home to feed him, that counts! Same if you're in the shower, sing to him, tell him you're coming and rinse out the conditioner- he will be fine.

Also remember that no matter how hard you try, if he is predisposed to cry a lot, no matter how hard you try to keep him happy, he will cry a lot! I'm not suggesting you ignore him (and neither are you clearly) just respond when you can, and when you can't, don't worry too much about it.

This may be of little comfort right now but crying a lot is a sign of intelligence! It shows excellent survival instincts as your baby will not let you (his food and security) out of his sight. Hard work right now but he will be as bright as a button.

Sorry things are so hard for you, it'll get easier when he gets more distractable.

colditz · 07/05/2010 23:12

5 minutes while you rinse the conditioner out of your hair will not kill a baby. Or damage him psychologically. Or ruin his fragile self esteem.

make your coffee while he cries, then pick him up and cuddle him while you drink it (yes I KNOW not recommened but you're not four, you know how to handle a hot drink)

Rinse your hair while he cries, wrap it in a towel and cuddl him while it dries.

leaving a child to scream until it turns blue in a locked room is not the same as meeting your human needs.

GardenPath · 08/05/2010 01:49

SamanthaFox - "Freecycle the baby" ha ha ha ha ha. Brilliant.

"I think the important bit is to respond" - Yep -

What you need is a 'good little wife'. I still revel in the luxury of being able to use two hands to do stuff with - rather than one and a baby on my hip.

monkeyness · 08/05/2010 10:29

mumtotwoboys could you CAT me with your address and I'll send it to you next week. Its a great sling, very easy on the back and shoulders, and holds the baby nice and snug against you. I think you'll find it a lot more comfy!

maristella · 08/05/2010 14:04

colditz just said what i was going to say!
sometimes you can't drop everything and soothe a baby (driving or on the loo, contending with another hurt child etc etc) and by soothing them while carrying on you will teach your baby that sometimes they can't be attended to immediately but as soon as possible.

Original poster
mumtotwoboys · 08/05/2010 17:04

Thanks guys, my kitchen is a state right now, from trying to make soup with one hand and baby in other hand, i had to let him scream on and off again while I was cutting things and using the blender.
Then I spilt lentils and instant coffee everywhere from trying to do that one handed.
He's now laying on me looking very content.
I would like to go and tidy up but he will cry again!
I think the sling will definately be helpful.
You're very kind.
What is CAT? I use forums but not sure how to message people on here, isn't that for paying mumsnetters?
Will you or I have to post email addresses in this thread?

OP posts:
monkeyness · 08/05/2010 18:49

Hi mumtotwoboys, CAT is "contact another talker"- I think if you click on "contact poster" next to my name you should be able to send me a private message so no need to post email address on the thread

Original poster
mumtotwoboys · 08/05/2010 19:00

£5 to contact you, hmm
To meet running costs apparently. You'd think the massive persil advarts that take over my page would be funding enough

OP posts:
SamanthaFox · 08/05/2010 19:22

Fiver for a sling, not bad really!

hairymelons · 09/05/2010 00:36

The pain in the arse way of doing it is to set up an e-mail account just for this purpose then post that e-mail address on the thread. It'll take ten minutes or so but it's free
I don't have CAT either, think a fiver is a bit much.

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