Should my son see his Mum?

[dad2chchalk]

Hi, newbie Dad here, so bear with me....V long story short..Oct 08, my sons Mum and I separate. Son (then 2.25) goes to live with her. May 09, he reports (physical) abuse to me, which I had suspected. Mum denies it, I chastise him for telling tales. Oct 09, maternal Grandmother reports further abuse (biting etc.) to GP. Soc Services called, I apply for and am granted Prohibitive Steps/Residency Order. Nov 09, Mum admitted to Mental Hosp. Early 2010, she is sadly disagnosed with a terminal illness (Early Onset). I haven't seen her since Nov 09, but we speak on a daily basis, she calls 20+ times most days, mainly nonsensical ramblings. However, my son stays at his maternal Grandmothers 2 or 3 nights a week, to allow me to try and keep my business going. On these nights, he is taken to see his Mum, in the Mental Hospital. I am very worried about the long term effects this may be having on him. By the same token, I don't want him to resent me in future years for not allowing him to see her. Does anyone have any experience of anything similar? I've asked for advice from GP/health Visitor, who both shrugged their shoulders and said "Your Call". Thanks!!!

Good luck, I hope it goes well for you. In my experience of taking very little ones to visit mentally ill relatives, when they are younger it is less of an issue and the hospital is usually very careful about only having little ones in appropriate settings that are very well monitored. It is when they are that bit older that I think it can be more traumatic. I no longer take my children (9, 11) to see my aunt who I have power of attorney for as I think they would now find the behaviour of some of the patients there upsetting, but when they were younger they didnt seem to mind. I think you going is really important and as things progress you might want to make sure that you do see how she is on a regular basis so you can talk to your son about what is happening. If you can make it work joint visits will be much more supportive for your son. Hope it works out for you.