How do you lot do it?

[meltedchocolate]

Being a single parent is exhausting (physically but also emotionally).

Wondering if you have any helpful tips?

It's lonely and non stop. (Father not having any contact atm) I keep thinking I cant cope anymore (but of course will continue to because I have to).

I think you have to forgive yourself for not being perfect all the time (unless you are ).

It is hard work - really hard work. I work full time and am single parent of 2.4 year old. I feel like all I do is work and look after DD. I cut corners all the time and break many "rules". Sometimes I go to bed at the same time she does!

I really admire SAHM who are also single. I can't imagine how hard that must be. Looking after a child is exhausting and doing it totally alone with no break must be so hard.

Do you have friends or family around you who can help you out? I don't so I do understand if you don't have that support too.

You didn't say how old your DC/DCs is/are but if they're very young all I can is that it does get easier as they get older.

I have a 15 month old, and am a SAHM. Everyone around my age has left this place now so I have no real friends near by but am fortunate to have family only a couple of miles away. I am on my own for about 4 days out of the week and with them or shopping etc for the rest. Silence is deadly.

I cant go to bed when my DS does. I need that quiet mummy time to wind down from baby talk

I sit outside chain smoking when ever possible

I agree it is tough! No doubt there.

My suggestion is to take all help offered and don't feel too proud! People are often much nicer than you give them credit for.

Be kind to yourself. It's hard work.

Try posting on some threads here to see if there's anywhere nearby who's in a similar position that you could meet up with.

at Mitchy. There's always drink as well

Try to arrange some time off for yourself, even if it's a course at a local college with a creche, or something like that.

I also get very little help from ex, and the relentless responsibility does get you down.

lower your standards
try to meet some local mums in same boat (I did via MN but any way you can)
time - you do get things sorted, learn to organise losts and your child gets older and easier and better company when they can actually talk!

Melted totally get the wind down/quiet time thing. I do feel like that most of the time. I force myself to stay up until 10pm just so that I can have some time to myself. Other times, though, I just can't do it!

Is there any way that you could bear to go to mummy/toddler group at all? That might open up possibility of more friendships for you? Just would be lovely for you to have someone on same wavelength as you so you have someone to meet up with and have coffee/cake/laughs with while your DCs played or something. Just something to take your mind off things for a while.

I daren't stop to ask myself how I do it... and when I feel my thoughts are drifting into that 'I am so overwhelmed mode'.. I have a wee cry and push them to the back again and carry on.. not sure if that is an ideal.. but if works for me!

I do need to get my act together though... returning to work FT in 2 weeks and DD (9 months) is starting nursery. Any useful tips on getting organised and making life that bit less stressful (if at all possible) would be great.

I have tried online shopping, but get so annoyed when they deliver fresh produce that has a use by date in the next 2 days... How on earth they expect you to consume a 500gm bag of spinach in 2 days along with other fresh produce.. clearly they think we all have a household full of spinach munching monsters!!!

Sorry, rambled on a bit there.. must be the loneliness thing ..

1. Sod the housework, life's too short (and playing with DS is more important than hoovering).

2. I made a list of friends to invite over - about once every 2 weeks, nothing elaborate, just a cheap pizza from the supermarket - keeps friendships ticking over, stops you going nuts, and hopefully they invite you back.

3. Sod the housework.

4. If you're lucky enough to have a freezer, cook in bulk and freeze. If you don't (I didn't for a while), at least cook stuff that'll do 2 nights of meals.

5. Sod the housework...

6. Post on mumsnet for a bit of company.

7. Sod the housework (did I say that already?)

Hmm, OK, cant shop online. no deliveries where I am.

Can go to parent toddler groups but everyone is like 35 + so I get left out a bit. I think I get labelled with a stupid teenage mum status I am a good mother thank you very much, when with my son I dont have an age, I am just DS's mum, I do not party and I am not irresponsible, nor am i a teen really. I am not a teen-mum stereotype at all.

I am fortunate to have a well behaved and easy child, and I love him to bits but occacionally i think some human contact would be nice

I am doing an OU course which I love too but it isnt a meeting people thing really as it is all done from home.

Whine, whine, whine.. (sorry I am unloading a bit here and am afraid you lot are getting it)

Trying to find out about the young mums toddler group here but they are patronising in a way (they teach us how to cook soup SOUP!) I know that some of the girls will really benifit from that though and am sure for those that do it is perfect. (Really not trying to be snobby, just fact that on cooking, housewife, general living front I am quite good) I wouldnt be going for the lessons anyway but the friendship.

Housework.. whats that... forgotten about already.. ... well at least whilst my mum is visiting this week!! .

I always feel that I need to keep on top of the housework or I just wander from room to room getting really agitated at all the mess and feel less like I am coping.. does that sound strange??

No Red... I am the same. I HAVE to clean because natuarally I am messy (yeah thats a nice way of putting it Melty) so have to keep on top of it or it starts making me feel down

Amazingly I do some of these things now shiney and I must agree how well they work (e.g bathroom thing) I am on that flylady site thing - it just about keeps me on track Just so tired

Hi Melted - again - saw you on the fit and available thread.

I'm with everyone else - try and make sure you get a bit of time to yourself even if it's at 10pm. Have a bath, a glass of something

In the day, try and get out - I'm the other extreme in a way being, well, over 40 anyway - the mother and toddler group I went to was mainly women in their late 20s/early 30s but I needed the company so went anyway.

I've got twins and their dad was deported and has little or no contact and believe me it was/sometimes is hard but it does get easier particularly when the dcs start school.

Hang in there, give yourself a break, let the housework go as much as you can - and vent on here when you need to!

I am also "naturally untidy"...! I'm one of those older mothers though and still have the same cleaning lady I had before I was even pregnant. You should see the state of the place lately though - she hasn't been able to get here for three weeks!

I hated mum/baby groups when I was on maternity leave as I was much older than all the others plus was going back to full time work when DD was just four months old. Made me feel judged and found wanting. It's not a nice feeling however it's directed so totally understand why being patronised by older mums wouldn't be appealing!

I think, probably, if you are a young mum then you're in a very good position longer term. You'll still have time for a career if you want one; or you can continue your studies; or anything you want really. Also, I envy you the fun you will have with your DS as he grows up and you can go out and do things together.

I think 15 months and just beyond that is quite hard as they're not old enough to amuse themselves much and you're the entertainment committee as well as everything else. Once they get a bit older it is much easier.

You sound like you're doing a good job, btw.

You may need to try a few groups until you meet some people on your wavelength. Im 30 but am friendly with some of the younger mothers. I really dont notice age really...just whether we are able to chat and get along.

What OU course you doing? Would you benefit from volunteering? I volunteer once a week and secured a days child care from employer. May be a way to get some adult contact?

Also I love my slow cooker. Tomorrow Im going to shove some stuff in it before popping to a friends in the morning, quick lunch then out again. Tuesdays is only free day in the week so Im always out visiting and coming home to cooked meal means I can never turn down an invite!

Know what you mean melty.. I have felt quite down in the past when its all piled up a bit.. that usually makes me go into defensive mode though and I just bounce around in my head what to tackle next - Eventually managing to focus on one thing rather than everything at once.

In fact just saying the word 'focus' makes me realise that is the key to my sanity most days.. if I can keep focussed and not get distracted by the tiredness, loneliness and non stop work load, then that helps.

PS.. nuce to know I went down the right route with a slow cocker after a few mentions on here

oops.. its late and need new glasses!!.. I really really did mean cooker!!!!

Thank you Belle. I am trying

I know I am fortunate to have my whole future ahead and most of the time that is what I hold on to, just had a couple of bad days.

My sister and I wanted to go on a weekend holiday to centre parcs, just to do something. I then realised how impractical it was to take DS as we would already have been far away from home for 4 days beforehand and I dont like him to be out of his routine for too long cos he thrives in the routine he is in. It was a wee break i had wanted before I even had DS, and my sis is now going with friends without me (and I am glad she is, she has worked hard and deserves a break) but reality hit me in the face again about how little I do and how lonely I am.

Wallowing in self pity really. Need to pull myself back out.

haha red... yeah we know

Shiney - I am in the middle of nowhere. Literally. It takes a fifty min bus ride to get to any shops (I am doing my driving lessons atm thankfully)

I think we are allowed to have a bit of self pity from time to time and have a good moan.. we have certainly earned it for sure.

Keep your chin up melty and remember you are NOT alone.

I actually had a thought earlier too.. does anyne Skype..? I know the evenings can feel so so lonely and maybe skyping with other lone parents could help lift spirits a bit more - like someone is actually there with you... I sometimes just have it on so the my mum can keep the wee one entertained whilst I get on with things..