If you could nominate ONE thing that stops you going mad as a lp, what would it be?

[incandescent]

And you're not allowed to say mumsnet, or your mum

I'm looking for suggestions to help with my transition from living with my lovely mum to going back to London to my one bed flat and job
DD's dad lives abroad and only sees her once a month, so I'm very much on my own (mum is 200 miles away)

Pls share your indispensable household appliances/planning strategies/mental health bolsters

There is nothing that stops me from going mad.

Just concentrate on how you can choose everything your own way, watch your choice on the tv, eat your choice of food, decorate how you like. But my ex was violent, so just being free from him meant that every day was brilliant for ages.

Working full time!

(or, failing that; friends!)

Music, Play it loud and your never alone, can sing along and there is none to complain about you lack of tune, keeps me company, and can follow my moods

Hi Incandescent

I was sort of in this position a few months ago, though after my mat leave I decided not to go back to London on my own with ds.

I think I'm going mad daily, particularly at ds's bedtime.

But I'm fortunate that I can get to my parents in about 20 minutes on foot if I need to.

I get through the trying times by remembering how sweet and lovely ds really is. He's just over 2, so distraction is a good tool.

I'm guessing your babe is much younger than mine, but I'm sure you have a good routine going - if not - get one! It will really help you, especially for tea, bath and bed. And as soon as feasibly possible re weaning, have your tea at the same time and do the washing up before you go for bathtime. That way, as soon as babe's asleep, you can make a cuppa (or pour the gin!), and sit down!

Not sure if you're working full time or part time - if part time, on the other weekdays, make sure you get out to baby / toddler groups etc and remember that whatever the weather, if babe is warm and dry, there's no reason not to brave the elements as it's an occupation that you don;t have to invent!

Hope that helps...it IS s*$t tho...

x

The one thing is my DC's really - just love them to bits. Also realise now that when H was here he made me feel unhappy and unable to enjoy my DCs like I enjoy them now.

(Number 2 is work - lucky to have lovely job at the moment which is a saviour)

i just think back to where i was 5 years ago,.....instant mood booster!

then i think about what i've achieved....home from scratch,well adjusted dc's,new relationship

i look in the mirro and see a smiley face which looks so much younger than 41!

then i think of the future....looking for work,,of finishing my ou degree,seeing dc growing up

music
wine
friends
shopping
control of the remote control
my garden
decorating (moving furniture where i like,when i like)
good food
planning days out
xmas,birthdays..
books....reading in bed for as long as i like

sorry,you said one thing...

thanks, you all sound like you're doing great.
I think you're right about routines, Wheresmywaist. I can see how a gin and tonic will be fundamental to my mental health. And I hear you about music, norks & tiffany.

I just can't see how you find time to clean up after dcs after they're in bed, let alone relax!

But I'd still rather have my beautiful dd than an easy life, or a life with a shit man...

Where's, do you mind me asking why you decided not to go back to London alone?

i clean up before bed incandescant....i have 5 dc and they all do their own bit!

No I don't mind!

I had been in London for about 10 years and dh and I had been planning to move back up north where we're both from, or at least out of Lodon, as soon as the right job came up for him. We felt we'd done the London thing.

As a lp I felt that the working days would be too long - if I had chucked ex'dh out of our house, I had a 1.5 hr commute, which over 5 days is 15 hours of childcare, just for travelling...and my boss had already indicated he didn't think I could work part-time in my role (didn't want to be full time). Even though I think the company would have been ok and sorted it for me, life with an arsey boss is never good!

So I would have had to look for a new job anyway. And didn't think I could cope financially on my own in London.

Not that I can cope financially up north, but it's easier!

And my family are up here - I didn't fancy constant trips up the M1 or with the horrific train cmpanies with a little one! I had a great group of friends from NCT ante-natal, but 4 of the 5 have moved out of London, the closest is in Kent, the furthest in Qatar (a bit extreme I know!). And as you know, friends in London tend to be scattered at every point on the Tube map.

But I still can't find a job that I would be happy with (how is it that I get more benefit than I would salary in the posts that people actually interview me for, even though I have 2 degrees? It's not right - but that's a whole other thread!). So I have started my own business!

I love it (and need to build my team, so let me know if you're interested!) and that helps to keep me sane, get out and meet people, is as flexible as I need it to be and most of the time I can take ds with me!

Sorry for the rambling reply Incandescent! I'm sure it doesn't help you at all!

xxx

If your DCs are under 5 I have found my local Children's Centre a godsend - it is open nearly all the time in the week, and there is quite often something going on there. I have even started to volunteer for them which is great as it gives me something to focus on (and something to put on my CV when I eventually do go back to work)

And the best thing is it's all free so even if I've left the milk out overnight and can't afford to replace it I can pop in for a coffee and a friendly chat Wonderful.

I second the bedtime routine, i make sure if possible everything is done before so i can then sit down relax rather than cleaning. Or i just leave it for the morning but that won't be possible in a few months when i go back to work.

I work full time (ish) but I make sure I eat dinner with my dd. She takes a snack for after-school club then we eat together and watch a bit of tv. Bedtime routine always involves reading, either "my-page your-page" or me reading to her - so it's all calming down time after the day at school and after-school club mayhem. Eating together I think is crucial for social skills anyway.
I've taken up a hobby, I've started an art evening class. (I know I'm very luck to have family close by who've kindly agreed to a babysitting rota on Monday nights). I also paint some evenings at home - I find it calming and theraputic - and it's much better than frustrated channel hopping when there's nothing but cr@p on the telly! I loved art at school and have only just taken it up again and I love it! Maybe think back to stuff you've enjoyed either at school or hobbies as an adult, and see if you can incorporate that into being in in the evenings. OK, squash might be out of the question - but there's probably soemthing you could take up. Santa gave my dd a cross-stitch kit in her stocking and I also find that quite compelling!

ocado.com

Shopping online and doing "family" things that people seem to think you shouldn't do when you're a LP - like roast dinner on a Sunday, or days out with lunch in a cafe, just me and DD.

a hobby of your own ~ in my case, climbing.

was just going to type exactly what Norks said.

I treated myself to a DAB radio a few months ago and it has made a big difference to how cheerful I feel iyswim.

Me and DD(2) dance round the house

Sense of humour!

Actually, now that others have mentioned it, I'd go along with loud music as well.

Shit wine. Tons of it.

Sporadic nice bottles from Laithwaites.

Large vodka and tonic mid afternoon.

Good socks

Heated blanket in bed

Light the fire every night

One sunday paper to burn on fire through the week

Homemade burgers with helmans mayo

Eternal love for gorgeous ds

Our Lord Ceebeebieeees

Treating myself where possible and keeping the house relitively clean (just little bits to keep on top of it everyday) so that when I want to relax I can.

treating myself; (usually once DS has gone to bed)

WHATEVER channel I want with a cuppa and chocolate
Fab books in bed
A diary which i wrote baout on another thread
Music
Thinking about NOW - I may have a relationship in the future but right now I am enjoying that time on my own - by myself, for myself!
Having a day out and then chill chill chilling at home that night!

Music,(like Norks)

Having opinions of my own without having them squashed or turned into a 'heated political debate'.

Without being 'egotistical', making decisions for the DC's that I quietly knew were right, without being challenged and brick walled, and watching them flourish and grow out of the shadows of shouting...

Mostly, sleeping through the night.

Laughing...

My spacehopper....it makes us all giggle.

I'm already mad, I'm afraid.

Find and join the library. Not only is it a fairly unlimited source of nice free books to read, but it's generally full of other useful free stuff like info on kids' clubs, interesting local events, there's often a community-ish noticeboard where you might be ableto spot or even put up an ad for babysitting or find out about classes/leisure centre things.

I think the thing that keeps my sanity is for DS to go to bed always at the same time, as I do most of the house stuff/reading/catching up with friends (online), once he is in bed.

If he is not sleeping well, everything gets pear shaped, more so because on top of not being able to do all the things I also get so tired I found it more difficult to cope on my own.

Hi Incandescent

I did exactly the same thing a year ago, ie moved back to London (once maternity leave up), just me and DD, having lived with my folks (3 hrs away). It is tough but keep your chin up!

My advice is to invite people over in evenings. It does get lonely and going out costs money on sitters. You don't always have to entertain- I have great friends who sometimes came over with food they had cooked!

Also, have plans for Sundays. Sundays tend to be family days so I sometimes feel we are quite on our own... we went to a zoo last sunday, today we went to a farm and next Sunday we are planning to go the Science Museum... luckily London has a lot to offer.

Also cook in advance and freeze so you can feed as soon as you get in from nursery in the evenings!

Good luck!