CAFCASS endorsing SKYPE for my 3 year old and EXP who gets supervised access. Not happy!

[soknackered]

I feel that this is an infringement of MY human rights. He has been violent with me loads and most recently attacked me by kicking me in the stomach when i was 7 months pregnant with new DP child! All infront of DD1 who he claims to love but has put her in danger so so many times!

Anyway, latest CAFCASS report suggesting contact centre every fortnight (phew, happy with that result) and SKYPE on his suggestion!

1, I dont have it and have never used it

1. I will have to endure his face and voice in my lounge at regular intervals

1. I know she will get bored after 2 milli seconds and leave the pc

1. i will have to supervise it as she cant use pc and will be banging on keyboard etc

Anyone got any comments? Anyone used this as a medium for contact?

All views welcome ahead of upcoming court case!

thanks for all of your comments! It terrifies me that this is a person who is employed for the welfare of children yet seems completely unaware of child protection issues in respect of the internet!!!!

this is someone who is deciding the fate of my DD1. It is a disgrace! The report actually states that i should not supervise as he has attacked me and is likely to attack me again as he has a tendency to flare up...BUT... always apologises afterwards!!!! I know she is scared of him as he has reported her a few times! The he cries and her last comments to me were that it was distressing to see how upset he was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what about me being rushed to hospital not knowing the damage caused to my unborn child after a good kick in the stomach???? Makes me sick!!

Off to see my solicitor this afternoon and am not going to let this go! She is 3 years old!!!!! They just dont give a shit! Just want him away. Even put that there is no longer a need for them to be involved! I feel so cross and annoyed that yet again he has fooled a woman through his manipulative ways!

I haven't read all the posts on here but my DP, with fairly regular contact, no need for contact centres, no history of violence or controlling behaviour etc raised a query as to whether it was possible to have telephone contact with his 3yo DD written into his contact arrangements. The advice he received was that she's just too little at the moment, is likely to be distracted and it places an unreasonable responsibility on his ex to comply when DSD is just too young.

This wasn't an issue for him as it was really just a thought about how he might be able to have a little bit more contact. But his situation seems to be at the other end of the spectrum from where your ex is with having been violent, has uncontrollable rages etc and it was still considered that telephone contact, without the need for skype to be set up, have you supervise and have your ex's voice and face in your house, would not be workable.

It seems to me that CAFCASS are endorsing an unreasonable and unworkable request (even without the horrific history you have on top of everything) and it may be worth highlighting just how unlikely it will be for your DD to sit and chat to him as she is of an age where she's likely to want to wander off or be distracted and you would be penalised by her being a normal 3yo as a result.

the offcier must have a supervisor - I suggest you try and raise it with teh supervisor/manager of teh cAFCAS office.

as you say - one woman who has been manipulated by ex "but i just want to speak to my daughter in between contact sessions " bla bla bla...

and someone who has clearly never used skype etc.

also ask your solicitor to get involved?

to say that it will require no input from you is complete crap!

I have done weekly webcams with my DD and exH who lives in Canada since we split up and DD was 7 months old (note the onus is on the 'I'). Even now when she is almost 4yrs I still have a fair bit of involvement in these sessions even if it's just moving the camera to follow her while she plays.

My opinion on WC's is that it is the same as inviting someone into your home. I do not always have the best relationship with exH but it was never violent like the one you describe, at times I still feel invaded hearing his voice and TBH it makes my skin crawl, though I always try to hide this for the sake of DD. I would not feel at all comfortable with this suggestion in your situation.

I guess to sum up I would say do not underestimate your involvement to make this process work, if in any doubt refuse.

HTH.

I am refusing!!! Am dreading court on Monday as I have to sit opposite him! Its awful given the last time i saw him he was kicking me and my bump!!! Its all wrong this civil court malarky!

I feel that victims of domestic violence are offered very little support in court in respect of cant wait for Monday to be over, and thanks to all comments I have lots of good reasons for refusing web cam nonsence! I will agree to him sending her a letter on the week he doesnt see her and will read it to her but NO WAY is he seeing into my home or am i having his face on screen, I will be ill! x

good on you soknackered and shame on the court system for even entertaining this thoughtless crassness.

well this is it everybody!!!!Wish me luck, court this afternoon!

How did you get on? Hope it went well.

thank god!!! the judge agreed that I should not have to endure this mans voice or face in my house (albeit on screen!). so it is letters once a month in addition to fortnightly contact centre.....although, the ex still in dispute so is taking it to trial!!!!!!! even against judge recommendation!

he thinks he is above the law!

oh and i asked to be attacked apparently, and he is the victim of my evil plan to get rid of him from his daughters life (ex p words not mine).......even though until latest assault he was seeing her 3x per week with me supervising!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so now have a trial to face and a barrister to pay for!

I'm sorry you have to go through hassle and stress of a trial but it's good news that the judge thought it was a bad idea. Your ex sounds like a complete arse! Even in some ridiculous scenario where you had a machiavellian plan to make him attack you, he still looks ridiculous for apparently falling for your wicked plan!

well done that judge! Hope stupid Cafcass person learns from this.

well done....

at least you know that his actions speak louder than words and he will show himself up at a trial...

they dont give up tho do they?

I'm sorry you are having to put up with this crap. Please do bear in mind that, while deranged wankers are mostly entitled to use the law eg take legal action, the fact that they are deranged wankers means that a lot of the actions they launch do not succeed. Your XP sounds a particularly deranged wanker, and with a bit of luck there may come a point where a judge labels him as a 'vexatious litigant'. This is the point at which deranged wankers become prohibited from launching court cases that are unreasonable and unwinnable, because the legal system has recognised that the cases are being launched, not to win but purely to harass someone else.