Took me ages to decide wether to post this but I am all out of ideas and don't know what to do for the best

[NervousNutty]

Please, please, if you don't want to adivse me, as you feel you have done so previously, and I haven't taken it on board, then just don't post. Despite what some people think, I do always read and take on board everything that people say and I really don't need people having a go at me.

So, i'm still in the same position as ever, single mum of 3 dc, 11,9 and 6, no qualifications or experience to speak of and a head that manages to change it's mind at least 100 times a day.

I have sought careers help from the job centre, which was useless, and have looked into a million courses/careers and yet I still don't know what to do.

Only change is that I can now drive. Passing my test gave my confidence a HUGE boost and i felt so positive about doing courses etc until I crashed 2 weeks later.

I will be getting back on the horse so to speak, as I have no choice, but haven't got my car back yet. Trouble is, my confidence took an even bigger knock than my car and I feel back to square one.

The thought that I might still be sat here debating the same things next year, makes me want to pull all my hair out and jump off the nearest cliff, but I know that it is a huge possibility.

Like I said, I know some people on here will feel that they have given me enough time and advice wrt this, and thats fine, I understand, but I would appreciate any advice that anyone can offer.

police and community support officer.

have several ou course under my belt now,unfortuanatly the level 3 courses in health and social care require you to be in a work setting to apply them to....so up against that as well! so can't even complete my degree.

how about a teaching assistant job?

I was going to suggest Teaching Assistant - don't know what quals you need to start with, but the NVQ is only a few months's part time study alongside voluntary work in a school I think, and you'd still have the DC's school holidays with them.
Or is there a Returners course at your local college? I know ours do one, although I've never looked in to it, but it might be a good starting point in helping you decide what you'd like to do.

I was going to say teaching assistant too Nutty - my neighbour has 3 dc under 5 and is booked onto a course at a local college which is only a minimum amount (a few days a month?) in college, along with a bit of volunteering at a local school.

It would work with the dc, you can have more training paid for by the local authority if you get a job, and you can work your way up to a Higher Level TA, which pays a decent-ish salary. You might be able to find work for 16 hrs+ a week which would make you entitled to WTC too.

Nervousnutty - start the course if you have been offered a place - the confidence you need will grow as you learn, and then you will be in a better position to decide what you want to do. Always best to start with what you like to do and build on that.

Police community support officer - working with the police - you wear a uniform carry a radio etc etc, are the first line eyes and ears of the regular PCs - got several friends who do it and love it. The pay is good - about £22k, but it is shift work and some weekends so how are your child care arrangements?

Nutty, i am single parent and a childminder, i do work all year round but i take 4 weeks holiday each year during school holidays so that i can spend that time with my children. It works really well for me as i am always here for my kids during holidays or if they are ill.
Also have just finised my nvq 3 which was funded and i am about to start a foundation degree with the OU so that when i decide i have had enough of childminding i will have other options.
I am working and gaining qualifications which for me is the ideal combination.

No real advice nutty but just wanted to tell you that it took me four attempts to pass my driving test and 4 weeks after passing I crashed my parents car

Try not to lose all confidence because of it I know it's lame but these things do happen. When I told my dad he just said, well you have to crash once before you become a better driver! Bless him though to he was going to kick my arse!

Sorry, meant to answer this earlier, but was having a bad morning.

I did look into the TA courses at my local college, but they have now changed the entry requirements, and you have to have been working or volunteering in a school for 3mths before the couse starts, which is a bit of a bummer.

Not sure if my local adult ed do a TA course though, going to see if I can find out.

Feelingold - What happens if a child suddenly leaves though, how do you cope financially then ??

Connor, my dad has been brilliant. I rang him in tears, expecting him to shout but he just told me to calm down and came staight over to inspect the damage.

PCSO sounds like a good job, but not one i'd be confident enough for.

My mum would be my childcare and she works shifts herself, but from next April, she will free to have them as and when as she is retiring and has already said she wants to make my life easier by being available for childcare.

nutty, i have always been very lucky, always seem to be full, usually when someone is leaving to go on to school etc i find someone to replace them pretty quickly.

I do get working tax credits and child tax credits as well as housing benefit so if my income does go down for a few weeks i am still ok financially.

What about short term fostering? Babies or toddlers?

Clouded, I would love to foster, but I don't think i'd currently fit the critera at the moment. It is something i would definatly look into, when my own children are older though.

Feelingold, I think at the moment I am going to stick to looking for a course/job outside of the home. I spend alot of time in this house and I think I need to do something whereby I am out and about.

any charity work you can get does not pay but can gain great experience. these days that is more valuable than qualifications. maybe try updating on latest word and excel courses at home. you can now get these, as i did, free if you look around. great for going for office admin jobs and in recession lots of firms are looking for flexible workers and single parents fit into that.

In the words of Paul Arden...
Its not how good you are, its how good you want to be.

Just find something that appeals and go after it without question.

first thing - well done at passing your test - and first time - wow!!

shouldnt be too bothered about bumping it - i wrote quite a few off in the first couple of years - never put me off driving

and can understand how youre still puzzling over work/career. jobs are so scarce you can hardly pick and choose whatever you feel like doing.

theres more than that tho. i spent a long time, years - on IS. i kept thinking ive got to get a job, i should work, i should train, go to college etc. and i did do allsorts of part time stuff, and a bit of voluntary, but i could never go fulltime. i had the excuse of having young kids to start with, but then i just got used to it, i did a bit of part time, got IS, and felt secure with it. i didnt want to risk not having it and go fulltime. wasnt being lazy - far from it - i just felt secure with what i had and thinking about it, it put me in a bit of a rut - probably a big one. is the way the system can work, i just got too used to it cos it looked after me.

thats a long time ago now, and probably not a lot of use . eventually i found a fulltime job that involves pretty much every skill and ability i have - most days! i spent a long time trying to think of just one type of work to focus on and trying to fit a jobtitle to it, which just isnt the way i am. but my job is brilliant, is what i would do if i didnt have to work .

hope you can be as fortunate - it can take a while - i too looked at surestart - and may well head off that way eventually. sounds like you want to do something you feel for - not just a job, is worth holding out for.

anyway - well done at passing your test - first time !!

Hi, i felt like you for about 4 years, and are now starting my own mobile beauty business,there are lots of places that do courses, and its not all about hair and nails, the holistic therapies can be quite interesting, it pays well and you can pretty much fit it in around your kids, just something to think about.

Thanks for all of the posts, meant to reply to this yesterday.

Ilikeshoes - That sounds good, but I really don't feel like it is something that i'd be good at.

I still feel very muddled about the whole thing, but tbh I am not sure that will ever not feel muddled about it.

You are right though james (you are who i think you are aren't you ? lol), and I do feel like I have to do something. I feel under pressure from every angle.

So basically, I am still unsure, but I did email 2 playgroups today about being a volunteer, so will see if they reply with anything good.

Oh and James, your 'i wrote quite a few off in the first few years' made me chuckle.

Since I crashed mine, I have had loads of people tell me about thir bumps etc, but nearly all have been women, so it is nice to know that men are as stupid sometinmes too

arghhh!!! ive been rumbled, hello nutty

my two dd's also had bumps in the first year of driving - into stationary cars - on my insurance! one has raced/rallied and the other learns to fly soon! so we're in good company at least

as for pressure/muddled - i think the two go together. and i expect most of the pressure is coming from you, there are a couple of million people out of work - many have far more qualifications than committments and still can't find work.

you have three kids, theyre your priority, not chasing every possible job along with hundreds of others. voluntary can be brilliant - fun and valuable experience - just apply where youd feel the time well spent. i used to help out at a sort of asylum/special needs training place. was really good fun tho hard at times and depended on volunteers.

i also did a short college course for work recently and met people who were doing it so they could apply for voluntary work. my boss paid mine tho they had to fund their own, just so they could do voluntary work to get experience to apply for paid work! its absolutely mad, so dont stress in your position, dont keep thinking you must work - be useful, get experience, qualifications etc. most of all enjoy whatever youre doing. i do, many people i know say i have their dream job, but it took a long time and a lot of hard graft jobs before getting it. and all i did was call round by chance to help fix a kid's car - didnt even know the place was there.

so who knows what's in store....oops - did i mention fixing a car hope you get yours back soon

Who was it who mentioned the video editing?? I thought that sounded interesting, have you anymore details??

Someone else was talking about family support workers. I work for a housing association as a social support worker and we always have vacancies for relief workers. This might suit those who need to be in a work situation for taking health and social care qualifications. I think if you were to google housing associations for vulnerable people you could get some addresses and maybe email them? Might be an idea anyway.

overmydeadbody mentioned video editing i guess.
i would like to know the required qualifications?

Maybe it's not the career that's the issue, it's your difficulty in making a decision? We can easily get stuck in 'analysis paralysis' where we just keep going over and over all the options and what the (usually negative) outcomes of each choice might be. I have found Susan Jeffers' books really helpful with this. She wrote the brilliant 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway', which did honestly change my life about 15 years ago. If you can't afford to buy it, ask the library to get it for you.

There's a chapter on decision-making, where (among other things) she suggests you write down the positive outcomes of each choice (as we tend to focus on the negative), and then make your choice and then let go of feeling like you have to be in control of the outcome. Or something . You have to read it! There is one analogy she makes that I do remember: the way pilots navigate a plane is actually to fly a little way, then check how far off course they are and adjust their direction, and keep doing this. They don't get the direction perfect to begin with. But the key thing is you do have to actually start flying .

HTH