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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Today I was asked by UK immigration to prove I was my sons mother!!

44 replies

elastamum · 15/02/2009 18:59

Have just returned from a wonderful skiing trip, my first as a LP - thanks to Mark Warner. On the way through immigration the customs officer asked if I could prove that my children were mine as I have a different surname from them. Even though the kids look like me and were saying 'come on mum!'very loudly I ended up having to produce their birth certificates - which I have a copy of just in case I need them overseas. I asked him why and he just muttered child protection issues require them to check. I mean WTF, we came in on a Mark Warner charter flight all wearing ski gear! I did ask him what he had intended to do if I didnt have their birth certificates and he just said that they had a number of questions they would ask to establish if I was the parent and then he gave me a leaflet! I was fuming and all the people behind us were gobsmacked, anyone else had this experience??

OP posts:

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captainpeacock · 15/02/2009 19:20

I haven't had this, but have just applied for dds first passport and sent off her birth certificate. I was then asked for her long birth certificate which we had to pay for and was then asked for my birth certificate and marriage certificate. I was thinking that the next thing they were going to ask me for was a video tape of my birth. I am 45 have always lived in the country am married to a british man and both my children were born in this country. I simply couldn't be more british.

bran · 15/02/2009 19:25

It happens to me fairly frequently (we fly quite a bit) both when on my own with DS and when DH is with us because we all have different surnames. I just always carry a copy of his birth cert and adoption cert. It's not worth getting worked up over IMO.

I don't know what questions they would ask though. We did get stopped at Heathrow once when I'd stupidly packed the certs in the suitcase and the passport control guy just got the police officer on duty to call in a query so I assume they looked us all up on some database.

dancingonmice · 15/02/2009 19:33

Yes I had this on the way back from Brussels. Thought that was what the passport was for, but will have to make sure I always carry birth cert also.

KingCanuteIAm · 15/02/2009 19:36

This is exactly why I encourage people on here to keep their name the same as their child. THe same can happen in hospital too - I can just imagine the scene right before emergency surgery "'scuse me Mam do you have the birth certificate with you?" we need to prove you have permission/right to ok the surgery.

HeadFairy · 15/02/2009 19:38

My sister had the same, but her dd was only 2.5 and of course wouldn't answer an immigration officer when he asked her is that your mummy? That's why although I've kept my maiden name, ds has both mine and dh's name on his passport, though he only uses dh's name. Mine is like an extra middle name, but it's there all the same.

NorktasticNinja · 15/02/2009 19:41

Blimey, I'm glad I've seen this!

My DD has a different name to me too and I'll be taking her to the UK for the first time in a couple of weeks (we live in Holland and she was born here). It hadn't occurred to me at all to take her birth certificate

I fear it could have been a real problem, she's traveling on her Dutch passport and I'm traveling on my British one...

NorktasticNinja · 15/02/2009 19:44

KingCanuteIAm - we're in the process of doubling her surname ATM, but it's much more complex under Dutch law than it is in the UK. Eventually she'll be 'my surname - DP's surname.

TrulyMadBadandDeeply · 15/02/2009 19:46

Broadly speaking, I think there are two things going on. First, they need to establish the child's nationality (and the passport should be enough for that). Secondly, they need to be satisfied that the child is related to the person they are travelling with - in part, this is about preventing child abduction. See the Passport Agency website here.

BlueCowWondersSomeMore · 15/02/2009 19:52

I got stopped when dh had gone ahead through the iris-regonition thing. Immigration asked me the dc birthdates, and my 'well I don't know!, let me think, this one is erm 2 erm etc' and they waved me through...

But really, nowadays don't enough children have different surnames to their parents that immigration needs to link up with the passport people and tell everyone exactly what 'evidence' they accept?

HecateQueenOfGhosts · 15/02/2009 19:56

It's not something we should be moaning about, is it? It's a GOOD thing to have such checks.

KingCanuteIAm · 15/02/2009 19:59

Not moaning Hecate (well I'm not) I think it is great but it can cause difficulties for people so they need to be prepared!

Ninja, it is such a good idea, I am having this converstaion with ex re; dd at the moment, sadly he is not keen

TrulyMadBadandDeeply · 15/02/2009 20:01

Bluecow - Yes, but there's still the problem that the passport proves the child's identity but doesn't prove anything about the relationship between the child and the person travelling with the child. The authorities are now very nervous about preventing and detecting child abduction and I guess that's probably something they will want to check every time.

Recently, we had to wake our sleeping child so that the immigration officer could check the resemblance to her passport photo, taken almost five years earlier.

sincitylover · 15/02/2009 20:07

I have been travellling with DSs for last 12 years with difft name to them and have not been asked yet. However maybe they are tightening up.

The only time I was worried was when I went to the US and did have a copy of their birth certificates. But I wasn't asked, also when I went to Cuba.

Will take them whereever I go in future. Tho at the moment am broke and won't be going anywhere for some time

Rosa · 15/02/2009 20:15

In Italy my dd1 has an id card ( we will be getting passports when we have to but this is free ). On it it states that the child must be escorted by either DH or myself - Up to 5 years old - we could have put other names on if needed. I honestly think it is an excellent idea - I have a different surname as here you do not take your husbands surname and when I get a new british passport I also wish to have it noted on there that I am also Mrs X ...for the day I forget the birth and marriage certificates!

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/02/2009 20:17

This reply has been deleted

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ilovemydogandMrObama · 15/02/2009 20:23

I've been asked this by immigration, but said, 'am sure it's all on the Home Office database... Oh, maybe not as it's probably been transferred to disc and someone left it on a train...'

Child abuduction is a very serious issue, but I don't think that asking someone to 'prove' maternity at the airport is the right way to go if there are no other suspicions....

Ivykaty44 · 15/02/2009 20:25

I always give my dad a letter in bothe english and french and a copy of my dd's birth certificate to show that he is the grandfather (my maiden name is the same as his on the birth certificate)

I go to great lengths to prove that he really should be travelling on his own with my dd.

Not once has he been questioned - ever and he has left the county and entered the country alone more than three times with my dd.

I always gave him a letter but after madeline disapeared got a copy of my dd's birth certificate as I thought customs and immigration would get hotter on picking out people - but no.

If though my dad is completly alone he always gets stopped and they do a complete search - everything?

oldraver · 15/02/2009 20:27

I have read on another single parent forum that it is getting more commom to be asked if you have permission to take the child out/in the country form the other parent with PR, of you appear to be travvelling alone. I believe Mexico are very hot on this and you have to provide proof

dylsmum1998 · 15/02/2009 20:33

oh god, glad i have seen this. my 2dc both have diff surnames; from each other and me, not one o fus has the same name. am hoping to go on our first out of england holiday this year, need to send off for passparts first!
so i need to pack children , clothes, medication, passports AND birth certificates....

i do think it is good it is checked, just glad i saw this so i know to take them with me, not been out the country since a day trip to france when i was in school

Ivykaty44 · 15/02/2009 20:42

and E111 cards.....

StewieGriffinsMom · 15/02/2009 20:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DivamakesKimchi · 15/02/2009 20:50

i would expect that when we travel. as both dc are british citizen got dh`s surname on passport, im not british cicizen although i have residency on my passport which is in my maiden name.
i always carry marriage certificate as thats only thing links my to dh and children. i probably put kids birth certificate on, but in there i have my amrried name on,

elmoandella · 15/02/2009 20:55

this happened to me in montenegro border. we got stuck stradled between montenegro and croatia at 1am with 4 cranky kids under 3yo. luckily the kids were registered with italian consulate and myself registered as their mother. they called through and called exdp to verify i was allowed to move them country.

EightiesChick · 15/02/2009 20:57

This is a useful thing to know as I have kept my maiden name too. My DH and I were unlucky enough to be flying on 9/11 and were told when the airport was checking who was present that we couldn't be registered together as a family as we had different surnames. I remember wondering at the time what they would say to a parent who had a different surname from a child.

It IS good that this stuff is checked, but then none of these requirements seem to have been publicised, given that we're all so surprised by them, so it sounds as if lots of legitimate parents will be caught out and that will just take up a lot of airport staff's time.

Aimsmum · 15/02/2009 20:58

Message withdrawn

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