'dh' left us, please help me explain it to our dc, I don't even understand it myself

[buickmackane]

'DH' told me two days before my planned c-section that he'd been having an affair for 2 months, didn't love me anymore and was leaving me to live with her and her child. I've sort of been managing to hold it together but know I can't go on hiding it from my dc (4 and 7). How do I tell them? Just thinking about their reaction makes me cry, I know I need to be a strong mummy for them but it's so hard. I loved him so much, we'd been together for 10 years and I've just had our 3rd child 10 days ago. Please can anyone give me advice, I just want my dc to be happy.

Thank you everyone. It's hard trying to get my head around it all. He's just been to pick the kids up and it felt so weird waving them off and staying behind. I like the idea of leaving it a month, I know I'll be stronger once I'm back in control of my body and hormones!

hi there, i have just read your thread and cant believe how much of a similar situation we are in. i have an 8 week old son and my husband did exactly the same to me when i was 5 months pregnant, i dont have any other children though. i completely understand how you are feeling but have no answers for you i am afraid. i am in leeds too x x x

buick - there are lots of us in Leeds and I guarantee the MN mafia will swing into action when/if you need it.

First things first, your HV should be directing you to the Benefits Advice Clinic. It trots around Leeds, is quite often to be found in Otley as well. If you go to your surgery you should find a leaflet telling you when it is and where. Next time I'm in mine (top of Tinshill Lane) I'll pick the leaflet up; my dh is chronically ill so we're in the bloody place minimum once a fortnight for prescriptions.

He sounds like he has no idea what he's doing and only you can judge whether it's worth waiting to see if he will decide to come home, but IMHO anyone who would walk out on their wife and mother of their three children in these circumstances is a tosser of the highest order who should be tarred and feathered in Millennium Square as an example to all. How can you be honest with dc if he can't be honest with himself?

Can you ask your HV to refer you for counselling? I saw an excellent counsellor in {forgets name of place but near the Lawnswood roundabout}. Well worth getting some professional support, you are going through a major trauma.

What else can we do to help? I have loads of baby clothes up in the attic, plus moses basket and changing table etc. that I have no immediate need of, are you sorted for that stuff?

I am a lone parent with dc 4 and almost 2. Exh walked out on us last year, leaving me with a 4 yr old and 9 months old. He had been having an affair.

I was devestated, terrified of how I would cope and couldn't see a future without the man who I had adored since I was 17. I had some desperate days and many nights sobbing into the early hours.

I can tell you that it DOES get better. Almost a year on and although I can't say that I don't have bad days life is getting better all the time. I now see a future for the three of us.

I ended up telling my ds 4 on my own that daddy was coming home as the cowardly shit wouldn't talk to him with me.

So one morning a couple of months after he had gone my little boy and I were tucked up in bed together and that was the moment I told him that his daddy wouldn't be coming home anymore. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do but at the same time the relief was overwhelming.

I read your post with such sadness, and anger at the men who seem to think it is ok to bring these children into the world, then turn their little lives upside down by buggering off because they think the grass is greener.

Try and be strong, surround yourself with people who truly care about you and remember that a man who is willing to do this to not only you, but your precious dcs is simply not worthy of your love. x

What an encouraging message Upsydaisy1. It's been 6 months for me now and in the same situation my husband thinks the grass is greener ...we'll see!
Good for you getting on with your life and with your kids and thanks for giving the rest of us some hope!

PS - can someone explain ds and dc etc... I am new on here!!!

Charlie, thanks for your kind words. Don't get me wrong I am not there yet, and don't know if I will ever get over the sadness at the end of my marriage and my broken home.

But I just wanted to let buickmackane know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel one day!

Oh my Lord. You poor thing, and that swine, men they never cease to amaze me at times.

I was the dd of a man who left my mum when she was pregnant, then came back when db was born, then left and got mistress pregnant, then came back got my mum pregnant, then left!! So have an insight into your dc side of things, I dont remember dad leaving, I just know he was never there, and mum was sad.

But I do know this, my mother is made of seriously strong stuff, and I absolutley love that woman for being the mainstay in my life.

Do it together, if he wants to leave then he has to explain it to his children, because you are not even sure whats going on, seems hes the only one who knows a damn thing, although it may be too soon, let them settle, you settle, then the words might not hurt them too much. But dont let him say anything about the other woman or the other children, thats all too confusing, just keep it Daddy is living somewhere else etc.

I really am sorry, please dont let the actions of a fool ruin your time with your newborn dc, you will regret it, take those moments of pure joy with the dc and hold onto them as your memories, not this, its not going to be forever, it will pass, you will move on, you will be happy, you will chose another life without this, without him, dont let it taint now.

Be strong, and know there are people thinking of you and wishing you well, thats alot of energy coming your way, use it to keep going. Good luck

Thank you so much everyone, I'm really touched. One day at a time, eh? charliejess22 ds is darling son and dc is darling child/children.

one day at a time indeed, sometimes it is one minute at a time.
and it DOES get better, time (as they say) is a great healer.

I can truly sympathise with you- my DH left when my DS2 was 4 weeks old. There is someone else involved yet he still denies it. Its been 3 months now and I feel much more in control. I CAN cope with a 2 yr old and a baby and am getting on with life. I don't think I can ever forgive him for what he has done and cannot comprehend how people can be so cruel. You will grow stronger than you ever thought possible and show him what a damn mistake he's made by getting on with your life, being fabulous and developing that close bond with your children that he will now NEVER have. His loss- what a complete twunt.
Good luck and to you x