Am I being a control freak? About Ex access overnight....

[mankymummy]

hi, am having ongoing problems with ex, wont bore you all with big details but basically it has been a real battle to get him to see DS and after 3 years have got to the stage where he will see him every 3 weeks and will have him overnight one night.

The problem is that in the last 7 months he has had him overnight at 4 different places.

Last night he had him overnight somewhere I had expressly told him I felt was unsuitable for DS and only admitted it when DS told me he hadnt stayed where I had thought he was staying.

I feel it is unsettling for DS (he has started things like soiling his pants and having nightmares in the days after overnight visits), but ex says he should be able to have him wherever he likes.

What do you think? Any impartial thoughts welcome as at the moment ex is making me out to be some sort of control freaky mother. I just want some stability for DS. And its upsetting when DS says "am I staying at such and such a place with daddy" and I have to say no that he's staying somewhere else or else I dont know.

Your ex may be making the overnight visits difficult because consciously or unconsciously he wants to say he offered and you refused.
Why not arrange a short day visit to suit him [ I know why should we have to ] and that way your son maintains contact but doesn't have a traumatic overnight stay.
Good luck

In answer to the first post, it would depend very much where those places were.

thanks for replies everyone.

i think maybe he is pushing me so that i will refuse him the overnight stay. he likes to get very drunk and obviously cannot do that when DS is overnight with him.

i didnt mind him staying with his ex because its a stable home, she seemed very caring and i was told it was a long term solution.

the place i feel is unsuitable is on ex's boat. i think a boat + a 3 year old is fine if the parent is responsible, but I know ex drinks and i think drink + 3 year old + alcohol is dangerous.

i know for a fact he has not even bought him a life jacket yet so if he slipped overboard, espec. if ex didnt notice then obviously it would be very dangerous.

ELOB... yes you are right about him in nearly all your points.

I am now feeling like a bad parent for pushing DS on ex, I thought it was the right thing to do everything I could for DS to have access to his real father but now I think I've probably been making a big mistake.