Argh just had a row with xp and he isn't going to do any extra childcare now

[IllegallyBrunette]

Which leaves me in shit street basically.

Going to have to ring my brother and see if he can help out.

Oh dear IB just what you didn't need . I hope some of these suggestions work out for you.

Good luck for the job

I'm really shocked xp spoke to you like that, I didn't know he was that bad.

Anyone at your dc school? There is a little network of chilminders (both official and unofficial/casual at ours)

I don't think I am letting him control me tbh. I haven't said I am not going to do the job because he won't have them. I am just trying to find a way around it, but at the end of the day if he rings up tommorow and says he will have them I don't really have any other choice but to let him. because otherwise eventually I will have to find another job.

I don't have any friends so asking them isn't an option.

Oh yeah he is Mercy although it was/is more often that not all talk.
He knows that if he did actually hit me i'd have the book thrown at him quicker than he could blink.

My mum knows alot of the other mca's on my ward and so they know about xp and will hopefully be willing to swap a shift if I get really stuck.

I don't have any advice but for you that XP is being such an arse, IB.

Fingers crossed for you that it can be sorted out somehow. xx

I am sure it will all sort itself out eventually. I will probably go mad in the process, but hey at least i'll have the goverment off my back

Message withdrawn

Yep, Monday, am a nervous wreck.

I agree with what you said Aimsmum. Xp doesn't work so has all day every day to do whatever he likes.
All I am asking him to do is ocasionally have the dc for a tiny amount of extra time. In most cases it wouldn't be extra time but just a different day to normal.

He is supposed to be taking dd1 to a new cheerleading class every Friday, starting in a week or so, and if he backs out of that aswell I will kill him.

He isn't controlling you, but he's trying to.

Unfortunately the best thing to do imo is remove him from the childcare equation entirely. God knows, this is easier said than done, but as soon as he knows his having the children doesn't interfere with your work plans, he'll leave off. Hopefully.

And I know it's outside your budget (are you an HCA?) but I think some nannies do accept childcare vouchers, if that's similar to tax credits.

An au pair will cost you £50 - £80 a week for up to 25 hours work (ish), plus the cost of her bills/food etc. And that's if you have room for an au pair.

But GOOD LUCK for Monday!

I could have room for an aupair if i made dd1 and dd2 share, but I can't afford £50 a week childcare if I can't claim it back from wtc.

If xp changes his mind but i decide to tell him to stuff it then basically I have got to start looking for another job already.

What an arsehole, can he not see that you are doing all this to get a better life for you and the dc's, so it is his children he is harming really. My db looks after his kids for his ex whenever she asks if it is at all possible because she says he won't be able to see them at all if he doesn't. Why do people use there kids in power games, just so wrong.. Hope you are able to sort it out. Are his parents able to help out at all?

tbh it might be worth looking into it - give TC's a call and enquire or see if smeone here knows infact busybee used to do TC's so she should know if you can claim it back - it would work out the cheapest way for the 3 LO's but as you say you'd need to ensure you could claim it back - I think they have to have a registered number.

that's an idea actually if your employer will pay towards child care vouchers I think they are - some do some don't. might be worth asking - lots of options to look at but short term your brother's the best bet I think.

Thanks spandex, will look into it.

Walking - Xp's parents are not allowed to see or speak to the dc for various good reasons so thats not an option i'm afraid. Ds doesn't even know who they are.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/TaxCreditsandChildBenefit/TaxCredits/DG_073803

Interesting a nurse from an agency?

My friend is a nurse and is having a nightmare sorting out childcare as her dh also works shifts, you would have thought that in a female dominated profession there would be a solution, I can't believe that hospitals don't have nurseries that work around shift patterns. Good luck on Monday hope it works out.

Message withdrawn

Thanks for the link, have bookmarked it to read in peace later.

There will be some providers in England who do not need to register on the Early Years Register or the compulsory part of the General Childcare Register. For example, activity-based childcare such as sports clubs, or nannies because they provide care in the child?s own home. They must register on the voluntary part of the General Childcare Register if they want to be eligible childcare providers for tax credits.

This paragraph is interesting - note the nanny part, get a nanny that is registered and you can work the hours to fit you - try a nanny agency? 80% will be paid by tax credit. Could be a viable option and make your life much easier to have early and late care by someone in your childrens own home.

Plus cheaper as you have three children and thus would only pay one nanny not a childminder for three children....

I really feel for you my STBXH is exactly the same - hold childcare over me like a bloody carrot/doing me a huge favour! And I always used to fall for it - begging asking nagging its bloody demeaning and soul destroying isnt it
I can see how hard this is for you but would echo the sentiments - just dont expect anything of him - I have made alternative plans for my childcare now which do not include him at all And if feel so much lighter - he doesnt know yet so this should be interesting !
Good luck

www.payefornannies.co.uk/parents/childcare_vouchers.htm

this gives you a telephone number to ring and they will answer you questions about nanies and wtc childcare payments

Yes my exH is the same. It's all to suit him and his job comes first.

He was reasonably acccommodating over the Xmas period but that was probably because he thought it would impress his new family.

Also just phoned me to ask me to get DCs to write a thankyou letter to his new Ps mother. I felt like saying - get them to do it your f**ing self!

Xp has now backed down and said he wil cover and days my mum can't do. I have agreed but have also spoken to my brother who said that if xp backs out again he is more than happy to collect the kids from school, take them home and give them beans on toast lol.

I am still going to look into alternatives though as if xp backs out when I am on an early that my mum can't do then I am stuck as my brother can't help then.

The only reason I have agreed to xp for the moment is because it is easier for the kids tbh. My main aim is to minimise disruption for them, I don't want to be having to drag them out of bed at silly o clock to take them to a childminder. Ds is already getting a bit teary that I am not going to be taking and fetching him from school every day.