Hi Missx. I'm sorry to hear about this. I have some personal experience because I fostered my friend's little girl for 6 months when she was removed for similar reasons. My friend had undiagnosed PND that had spiralled into mental health issues, exacerbated by heavy drinking, which led to her creating an extremely unpleasant and negative atmosphere for her DC. She was at no physical risk - SS agreed that she was kept clean, well clothed, well fed, etc., but she was considered to be at emotional risk, due to the lack of a calm, loving environment, repeated failure to attend routine health appointments, etc.
SS are removing more children since the Baby P case. Although it is incredibly hard on the parents affected, if there is enough risk for SS to think it is warranted, you have to accept that it is better for them to be safe than sorry. That said, SS also recognise that in most cases it is better for the child to return to the natural parents, and this is backed up further by the fact that SS departments do not have the funding to support infinite numbers of foster parents. There are simply too few places for removed children to go, so unless a natural parent proves themselves to be a very real danger to a child, SS will always work at returning the child where there is any hope for salvaging the situation. Therefore, if your sister can work hard at it, things are in her favour to get her little boy back. The ball is in her court. Without knowing all the details, but taking what you've said on face value, it would seem your sister falls into the category where the issues can be solved by a concerted effort to clean up and attendance at parenting classes.
Based on my own personal experience and seeing my friend's case unfold (she got her DD back and still has her 5 years on), there are several things she needs to do:
- Get off the drink and drugs. If this requires her to get counselling because she finds it difficult, then that's what she needs to do.
- Get legal advice. SS should have informed her about her right about this, but any family law lawyer would be able to fill her in on her rights. I'm assuming she will qualify for legal aid, but even if she doesn't, she should be able to get half an hour of telephone advice for free.
- Co-operate with SS as much as possible. She absolutely has to remain polite at all times, no matter what provocation she feels under. Getting agressive will backfire against her big time. If she has trouble getting her point across, can she use an advocate? Maybe you would be able to attend meetings with her and speak for her?
- Badger SS to show her committment to getting her son back. She should phone them on an almost daily basis saying she wants her DS back and is prepared to do anything they require in order to make that happen. She could request parenting classes herself, rather than wait to be offered them.
Your sister is probably feeling devastated right now and asking the above of her is a tall order. While it would be very understandable of her to fall apart and lose herself in drink and drugs as a coping mechanism, that's the surest way she can go about losing her son on a permanent basis. Part of being a parent is the acceptance that your child's needs come before your own, particularly when they are very small, and this is one occasion where she needs to show that she recognises that. She CAN get her son back, but it rests with her. Good luck.