Parental rights

[Belindaa]

Does my childs father have the same rights as me? i'm the primary caregiver... He does have parental responsibility, but i've been making all the decisions for the last 9 years without any imput, hardly any monetary support, and he see's her one one night a week....
He hasn't really taken a huge interest until a week ago... now he seems to be going about things without discussion with me....
He's going to his solicitor tomorrow to find out where he stands with making decisions without consulting me first...
Can he go and have meetings with her school behind my back without me knowing??

I feel like he's taking over....... and i feel a little scared...

Hi Belindaa. I think if I were you I'd do two things in this situation. Firstly contact the school and explain the situation, while being careful to come across as a reasonable parent who has no problem at all with your ex being involved in your DD's education and decision making. If you can sound very pro equal parenting, the school are much more likely to be sympathetic when you explain that your ex has had minimal involvement in DDs life for the last 9 years, can switch between being totally involved and distinterested, and what you don't want to happen is a situation where he takes a big decision that affects your DD then leaves and leaves you to pick up the pieces. Phrase it all in your DDs best interests, rather than in terms of what's fair on you. The school still have to humour him but they will be more likely to inform you about what's been discussed so that you are forewarned. Tell them that you are discussing things through with your ex too.

There's another post on here about someone who's ex is suddenly getting all interested in a child he's had precious little to do with over the last few years. The advice I gave there was to kill with kindness. Have a chat with your ex and say you appreciate his interest and from now on you want to start with a clean slate and make all important decisions together, attend meetings together, etc. Preferably do this in writing or by email so that you have proof that you are an incredibly co-operative and reasonable person if you need it later. Then involve your ex in everything, and I mean everything. He'll either get really irritated by it, feel pressured by it and decide it's not worth the hassle (and things will go back to the way they were) or you may actually find that things move forward between you and you manage to grow an incredibly good relationship as co-parents, something that can only benefit your DD.

Just in case he is a total manipulative arse who is thinking long term about undermining you and eventually going for residency or something, this strategy can also help you. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer and all that. Also, if things go to court you will look like you have bent over backwards to accomodate him in DDs life and yet he has thrown it all back in your face. If you get obstructive, it could be used against you. You need to be in this for the long haul.

Does that help? Hope so. I appreciate how galling this must be when you've been the one to do all the hard work for so many years and now he wants to come along and bask in the glory. However, taking the moral high ground here will definitely be in your and DDs best interests, I think. Good luck.