Calling lone parents - how do you balance work and children and what would make life easier?

[carriemumsnet]

Hi there

We're starting to compile the results of our Home Front project we'd love some more input from lone parents.

Are you able to balance paid work and caring for your child/ren in the way you'd like to? What, if any, are the problems you've encountered? And what policies could you suggest that would make a positive difference to your life?

In case the whole Home Front experience has passed you by - here's some more info about it The plan is to come up with a list of recommendations and hopefully affect policy - so it would be really great to get as many views and thoughts as possible.

Thanks in advance

So here's a view from the other side of the pond. I am a single working mum (British) living in the US. Moved here and was dumped by ExH. I have no benefits I can apply for, I am lucky that Ex pays child support. I have to work full-time and it's more than 50 hours a week at the moment, 10+ at home. What makes my life easier? I am lucky that I have found the most wonderful Nanny/Babysitter who is a true second mum to my gorgeous boys. It's been a huge and very very hard transition for me and the boys. I went from SAHM to full-time working mum overnight. I miss not being a SAHM but I love the life we have here. But without a doubt it's a struggle even with my Nanny. For sure I don't really have a social life.

The other Home Front stickied thing didn't sound like it applied to lone parents!

I work full time, and my DD is with a childminder. I question myself a lot. In my field, there is no part time, flexitime, or any real understanding. I wonder whether to leave and do something else but I would be paid far less, and it's not just how we survive now that I need to think about but getting some sort of savings, pension, etc. My DD does seem very settled with her childminder which is a blessing.

My ex has her for the times when I have to work out of hours - about one long weekend every 3-4 weeks. I wouldn't be able to do it at all otherwise. Out of hours childcare is almost impossible to find.

I wonder if the lack of time I have at home is fair on my dd and is damaging - maybe it is. I'm also unsure what other options to reasonably consider, because at the moment I seem to be holding it together in a job that pays well that I enjoy, and I love the time I do get with my dd. Given that the money I am entitled to from my ex doesn't even cover one week's childcare, I am stuck as I am for the time being, it seems.

OMG, I hadn't even thought of school holidays

School holidays need to be spaced out across the whole year with workable and well organised holiday clubs, i.e. not cancelled last moment and properly staffed.
During term time there should be reliable wrap around care.

There appears to be a gap - private nurseries will take children during holidays until they are 5yo (some not all). Then there is a gap until the 8yo minimum activity style holiday clubs. So what happens to the children who are too old for nursery and too young for activity clubs? Again, it's down to finding a child minder or relying on family.

I have so many concerns over provision of care once my son begins school. IMO there needs to be a end-to-end solution with the different parties actually communicating with each other.

I also absolutely agree with the comments about child care vouchers being unfair on lone parents. Vouchers should be available per child not per adult.

my dd is at nursery and there is no way, with the hours she is at school could i get ajob. i owuld have to work for very little pay and almost no job satisafction.
employers need to be more understanding of the limits on a single parent and be more supportive instead of purely thinking of their business.

Waspie there are OFSTED registered holiday clubs out there. I use two different ones (one only available at easter and summer hols) the other available every holiday and half term but only takes children up to age of 11. They are an hour away from where I live so can't use the after school option offered at the open all year round one (which collects children by minibus from local schools), but only 15 mins from where I work. Also there are various schemes where children can go away for a week (limited places) and if you get desperate you can even consider joining a scout group that takess the children to scout camp for a week in the summer (our's only goes for a weekend twice a year but i really look forward to my two weekends a year break!)

Also you can pay a nanny using your CTC but the nanny must get OFSTED registered. It can take a few weeks for this to be sorted out, and you will probably have to pay the fee. Plus you then have to fill in all the relevant paperwork for employing someone. So not an easy option.

As to grandparetns etc being able to be paid, they can be paid if they register as a childminder and undergo the various courses and inspections etc. However if the only children they look after are memebers of their own family then you can't claim back through CTC anything you pay them. So they have to take on other children as well, or do it for free basically.

I know this because my sister is a trained child minder but I couldn't pay her to have my ds and claim it back unless she had other children as well! She said I was mistaken, I showed her the paperwork which stated this, she took it into her course and asked about it, they didn't seem to know either! Some of the people on the course where grandparents who were planning to only have their own grandchildren. She was adviced to 'ignore' it, but I said I couldn't risk paying her and then being asked to pay the money back in the future if and when the rule was enforced. So after going through the training etc she went back to work rather than doing childminding.

One of the other things mentioned here was thinking about pensions and saving for the future. I'm afraid this isn't an option for me. I simply earn just about enough to get by day to day and I have no idea what will happen in the future when I no longer get WTC & CTC (will be able to work more hours to make up the difference by then probably. But in the meant time I'm not putting anything aside for the future and have no pension. I try not to think about it too much as I end up in a spiral of depression if i do with the reality that my life will get no better and is likely to get a lot worse financial wise as I get older.

All these people worrying about the stock exchange and their pensions seem a million miles away to me. I too worry about how my situation will change should there be a change of government as I manage day to day as it is and any less would leave me seriously struggling and likley to go back to being on IS, which isn't where I want to be.