sorry, just a lonely moan :(

[mybumpsaboy]

hey all...

well it's ex's birthday tomorrow. I sent him a prezzie off his soon-to-be son, & we did have a nice eve the other night where we managed not to argue and only talked about the lo.

Just had it absolutely confirmed tonight tho that he is going out with the 17yr old that he was shagging throughout our relationship (& who he told repeatedly that he was in love with). Guess he really is in love with her. He's booked the day off work (unheard of for him!!!) to spend his bday with her & have a party with her mates...when I was round there the other day he's got all her CDs playing on repeat and talks about her choice of music etc...& all her facebook etc statuses are about being "so happy now". I guess it at least proves I wasn't crazy for leaving

But now there's just me...& the bump...& i might not even get him for half the week when daddy gets his shared residency - SHE'LL be seeing my baby about as often as I will Feel really sad...I know he treated me like rubbish simply by being with me & asking to start a family when he was in love with someone else. But can't stop loving him, can't stop being scared of the sheer loneliness of doing this on my own, can't stop wishing I had someone to share the excitement of the pregnancy & my baby with.

& it HURTS so damn much

xx

Misi: Yes DS dad has let me state the terms of access but it suits both of us.
Though one reason why things work for us is that we were old drinking mates (who had dated each other some 15 years previously and split up amicably after 6 months) when DS was concieved - we have had no bitter break up and there is no sexual jealousy on either side, so we can work together easily.

misi who are you to keep telling people on here what is wrong or right for them to post ??????, everyone has a right on here to give an opinions and their posts are valid as much as yours are. Some post on here just to sound off and get stuff off their chest and often just want someone to nod in agreement, they aren't always looking for a full length discussion. You aren't very helpful towards mybump and she sounds like someone who needs a cuddle more than somebody acting like a solicitor.

You may have beef with your ex like many women on here have with their ex's, I think if you stopped trying to control other threads and maybe start one of your own then you might get sympathy towards your case, but your post cleary shows a woman suffering from post natal depression, what you did for your child was no more than what thousand of women do for their children eveyday.

Hopefully this thread can get back on track and be about mybump

Tinkerbel - Misi did start one of his own thread's in reply to someone else's request that he did so.

And I don't think you can complain about Misi suggesting what can and can't be posted (which again i don't think he did) when you are telling him to go post elsewhere. He was simply defending himself in response to some rather agressive replies to his perfectly valid and imo very good advice.

Personally I think misi gave very good advice, regardless of his own personal circumstances, and it has been jumped on and blown out of all proportion by people who did not read it properly and/or who do not understand what shared residency means. Go look at the other thread he started because you will see when it was explained again the person objecting agreed that they had misunderstood what shared residency meant.

Now if you want this thread 'back on track' wherever that track may be, then maybe you should reply elsewhere if you don't want it to continue. Personally I think on a public forum like this people can post what they like where they like and should be allowed to defend themselves when their posts are taken completely wrongly. So post here if you feel like it, or not as the case may be.

erm hi everyone!

Misi...thanks for your advice, I certainly haven't taken it personally as I agree with you that contact is v important for fathers & their children...no matter how hurt I feel by my ex, or who he's seeing, I'll never stop him from having contact. There is an issue between us in that I'm happy to grant "shared residency" in the sense of equal parenting but I'm not happy about our child essentially living in 2 entirely different homes every week & going from one to another more than nec...but that could certainly be built up over time.

I do actually post on a different site for legal advice etc - didnt mean to start a debate here on that!!! Was more just having a bit of a self-indulgent low moment as not coping very well with getting head round ex, espec not ex & his new teen gf (he's 31 btw). I stress again: whatever I say on here & however upset I feel, I will never ever stop contact between father & child. I just wish to god I'd picked anyone else in the world as the father lol...cos this guy REALLY knows how to hurt me

He's taken a day off work today to spend with the teenager & have a party later with her friends. In the whole time I was with him he refused to ever take a day off, even to come to hospital appointments or scans with me. We never did fun stuff together, never went anywhere...it just kills me why he got me involved at all let alone had a baby with me when it was her he wanted all along

You can have a self indulgent low moment if you want and you dont have to explain yourself to anyone on here

Sorry that was a crap and rushed post (was taking dd to bed).

Personally im a sucker for "closure" whatever that is. I spent approx. the first two/three years of dd's life wondering why her dad chased me, did everything for me, was even ok about me being pregnant, did the stroking the belly thing (bluughhhh).

We had known each other for years. We never argued, not once. We had a great laugh, loved each other's company blah blah. He practically lived with me.

Then one day when I was about 3 months pregnant he didn't show up. That was it. No explanation, nothing. He was gone. He told a mutual friend to let me know that he had no interest in our child, or me. He has never seen her or contacted me since. I havent seen him for 5 years.

All I wanted was for him to talk to me, maybe just one phonecall, or to tell me why he did it. But that phonecall never came and over time I accepted that. I dont think I will ever know why, so I get on with it. That's what you have to do and you will be able to after a while. Different situation but we dont always get answers. Dont waste your time beating yourself up about it. Enjoy your baby

mybump I'm astomished and saddened at these men like your XP who seem to treat creating a life so casually. I really just can't understand it. Lots of sympathy for you.

I know it must hurt dreadfully right now but one day in the future you will look back and realise you had a lucky escape.

Good luck to you.

Mybump: taking it one day/week/month at a time is the best way to do it. I appreciate that it's miserable for you to have your XP banging on about how he loves his new partner etc etc, and he undoubtedly could/should be tactful about it round you but if he is an otherwise decent bloke and prepared to be interested in his DS-to-be and involved in his life then that is a good thing. An involved co-parent who is a decent human being (who just happens not to be an appropriate or willing couple-partner) is a good thing to have: you have always got a first-port-of-call person when you need some childcare, who you are not asking for a favour. With my DS' dad, I always feel totally guilt-free about ringing him to say, can you look after DS tomorrow night as I want to go to a party, because he always will agree happily unless he has a previous arrangement.

Basically, even when it hurts, try to keep things amicable with your XP because it's better all round for everyone including you in the long run. And the hurt you feel will fade in time and hopefully be replaced by a sort of slightly patronizing fondness towards your DS' dad, same as you might feel towards a slightly twerpy cousin - 'you're family but a bit of a berk.'
Best of luck, anyway.

gilly I have a right to post here the same as misi has, and I doubt he needs you to speak for him, I don't need to fight over a man thanks

mybumpsaboy I doubt it was her he wanted all along, I think he is being swept along with the attention he is receiving from this girl. He may calm down when the baby is born and be a really good dad to your son, this girl might not be around by then, try not to stress yourself out by thinking about things before they happened