i know there is no answer but dd6 is so so unhappy.

[piratecat]

I just need to talk, if thats ok. DD is just not getting over the way her dad is. We have counselling on friday, our first proper session. The other sessions have been for me to talk only aboutthe whole situation.

I can't stand the pain behind her eyes anymore, it doesn't matter what i say, and i have also said this on here many man times, but she is unhapy.

I can't fix this, i think she is depressed. It runs in the family, and she is bright, sensitive and emotionally grown beyong her 6 yrs, but she is only a baby too.

We seem to be stuck. Her little face breaks my fucking heart, when she starts crying, 'i don't think daddy wants me, i don't think he really cares'...

oh god i hate hate hate him. she won't see him, altho he only rang last week and suggested it again for the firsy time in months. If you remember he cocked up last time. I tried to put a few points across, and for once he didn't put the phone down on me or tell me to shut up. Yet he had an excuse for every shitty bit of behaviour he has ever shown dd the lst 3 yrs, then expcets me to agree to him comin gover here without telling her. right now i know she would hate this.

My dd is down, and i can't see an end to it.

at CCTV. I think I'd want a solicitor on that challenging it on grounds of human rights! If the resident parent has privacy it should be the same for the non resident unless of course court has ordered supervised contact.

well the counselling went well. played a game, with little cards where you had to answer questions honestly.

all the things you 'thought' dd would say in answer, she didn't, which was a bit frustrating.

things like

If you could get a letter from anyone who would it be.... ( daddy? ) no --The Beatles

Who would you like top spend a fun day with ... (daddy?) no---Ringo

and so on!!

I wonder is she hiding stuff, like she doesn't want to discuss it with the counsellor, or is she blocking it, or is she not really wanting to do these things with daddy. She got a bit upset whe the counsellor said it was ok, if she didn't want to see daddy, but maybe one day? She just does not want this atm.

my greatest fear is if he gets a court order. Will dd's views and that of the counsellor and her findings, carry any weight?

It's just that in our last convo, ex dh, said he really wanted to see dd, and didn't want to have to involve a solicitor, AH more threats i thought. I said there is no solicitor on earth who can make dd see you, only the courts.

so far so good then pirate. a childs views normally only get listened to once they are around 12, this is 'gillick competancy' age.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gillick_competence most references talk about medical stuff but it applies in family courts too.
counsellor views, well, it could be argued in court about that, the court would usually only accept the views and findings of a court appointed counsellor, but it is possible.

further sessions will help and when a level of trust is built between daughter and counsellor then she may open up some more.

if ex wants to see daughter more, then he needs to show an ability to compromise, put himself out and committment, from what you have said he has shown none of these.

you are showing that you care about your daughter and her feelings and her relationship with her father, he has shown scant regard for anything.

family courts are thought to be biased toward mother and status quo (although I do understand that many mothers feel the opposite and courts are biased toward father but thats another thread). if you can show you have done your utmost and that father has fucked messed around, then I do not think you need worry much about an order.

I would say that if he has just threatened so far and not done so, then he may already have got legal advice and knows he has slim chance of getting what he wants on his terms, if he hasn't got advice then it may be that he really cant be arsed and is trying to rattle you for some reason.

if your ex really wants a relationship with his daughter then it is he who has to go overboard and show that to her and regain her trust. I hope you keep notes on everything he says verbally, keep all letters, e mails or texts and maybe if he calls you via your landline, get yourself a telephone voice recorder and attach it to the phone, and in addition, keep a diary of everything that goes on with him, you and most importantly, your daughter, what she says, what she does and what she wants/don't want.