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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Any positive stories of single parents who have got together with people who don't have children?

100 replies

Pinkchampagne · 30/08/2008 18:59

I have been with my new partner a year now, and have developed very strong feelings for him. I have two boys, and he has always said this isn't an issue for him at all. The boys have met him quite a few times, been out for a day with us, been round friends with us, and last week we took them round his parents for the first time. Most time we spend together is when the boys are with their dad, as we only get to see each other a couple of times a week due to living in different towns & him working nights all week, and it is nice to have some time out. I am lucky in that their dad sees them a lot, so I have this opportunity.

I worry so much about our future though, as his lifestyle is pretty stress free, with just a little dog to worry about. My children can be hard work & I worry our relationship couldn't work out long term.

I think this has all come to the surface of my mind, as my sister said a couple of days back, "do you ever wonder why he is with you - a harrassed mother of two?!"
I guess she has a point, and it has made me think.

I was cautious of developing feelings at the beginning of our relationship, but now that has happened, I can't bear the thought of it all going wrong.

OP posts:

glitterfairy · 31/08/2008 02:10

Hiya PC. Just split with my new man tonight which is why I am not sleeping. Not because I am really upset but just mulling things over. We have decided to just be good friends which is fine with me.

Part of the problem was my kids who were not ready I think and they have been through an awful lot but yours sound fine. I also didnt have the benefit of any time when they were not around as they dont see X and you have that great gift so enjoy it and dont stress.

You have done things slowly and made sure everyone is fine with it all. I suspect he is with you because he cares about you and I cant imagine anyone who does care about you being put off by two young kids!

CapricaSix · 31/08/2008 08:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

feetheart · 31/08/2008 08:48

My stepfather took on me (13 and hormonal) and 11 year old twins when he married my mum
They had my little sister 2 years later and are about to celebrate their 33rd wedding anniversary soon.

It can work

pinkcandyfloss · 31/08/2008 11:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Tinkerbel6 · 31/08/2008 13:48

do you ever wonder why he is with you - a harrassed mother of two?!

Goodness PC thats a bit unkind of your sister, maybe the guy is with you because he loves you and thinks a lot of you and the boys, maybe he enjoys spending time with you, maybe he loves your personality and your ways. Don't let anyone put a doubt in your mind about you b/f's reasons for being with you, maybe he is bored with his single life and longs to be part of a family, enjoy your relationship without any doubts

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 31/08/2008 17:36

Thank you all for your replies. I have just come back from my bf's house. I spent the night there last night & he has just dropped me back. The boys have been in London with their dad & my parents! He has gone round his parents & said I could have gone round with boys, but it is back to school tomorrow, so we need to get prepared.

I mentioned my sister's remark to him, and he said "that's not a nice thing to say"
He reassured me that he is very happy with me, and doesn't see me as a "harrassed mother of two!"

I would be prepared to have another child if he ever really wanted one of his own, although I am nearly 36, so knocking on a bit! He doesn't seem that bothered atm though. He was married to a career woman, so the children topic never really came up before. I know he could change his mind though.

GF - so sorry things didn't work out between you & your new man.

OP posts:

allgonebellyup · 31/08/2008 17:47

your sister sounds evil

glitterfairy · 31/08/2008 17:50

Thanks PC and others it is not all the bad and as I said a mutually agreed thing.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 31/08/2008 18:44

So long as you're ok, GF. Glad you're both still friends - shame it didn't work out.

Wouldn't say my sister was evil, AGBU, but maybe says things without realising they will get to me. She is like the rest of my family in that she is finding it hard to adjust to me no longer being with ex H. BIL called me nasty because I was divorcing ex H after being separated 2 years! He is still ok with me, but doesn't like the fact I am going for divorce.

OP posts:

Nymphadora · 31/08/2008 18:51

Glad to hear this is going well I can remember all this starting up and your posts on here.

Positive story! My bf and I starte dseeing each other last year and have spent most of the time shuttling between each others houses. He is divorced and didn't have children, he came from the life of exotic holidays and do what you want when you want as they both had good jobs etc etc.

He si now with me and we are moving in together next summer( when we have finished making the house liveable!) and getting married next October (first time I have told anyone on here!!!!)

anorak · 31/08/2008 18:51

I had two daughters aged 5 and 8 when I met my DH. He didn't have kids then.

We celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary next week and have a 7 year old DS. I love him dearly, he is the best person I've ever known.

AbbeyA · 31/08/2008 18:57

36 is young! I had ds2 at 38 and ds3 at 40. Your options are still open!

NotDoingTheHousework · 31/08/2008 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred · 31/08/2008 19:02

I met my DH 12 yrs ago when I had two dds aged 2 and 4.
Check my profile for pic of happy ever after...it wasn't a smooth journey, but it has been a memorable and exciting one to wedded bliss.

Nymphadora · 31/08/2008 19:03

Are your parents still doing the xh is wonderful thing? I remember that from last year

fryalot · 31/08/2008 19:07

"do you ever wonder why he is with you"

He is with you because he loves you, because you are wonderful and sexy and gorgeous and exactly what he wants.

Poke your sister in the eye (well, don't really, but ykwim)

I met dp when dd1 was 6.

We now have three beautiful, wonderful children and we have our own happy ever after (although you won't find fab wedding pics of us like fred )

Dropdeadfred · 31/08/2008 19:08

Squonk when I have pics of youtwo from my wedding bash I shall email you some!!

fryalot · 31/08/2008 19:09

tis not the best piccy of me or of dp, fred.

But twill be nice to have a copy so we can remember the best wedding we ever went to

How is dh?

citylover · 31/08/2008 19:12

Hi PC

Just to add that I also think what your sister said was horrible too and designed to undermine you.

From what you have said of your family they sound rather judgemental and narrow minded and feel uncomfortable when they can't fit things into conventional 'boxes'.

I haven't met you but you sound so lovely so why wouldn't he want to be with you.

I have some similar issues with my family (have just had row with my rather condescending and judgemental brother).

I think that it would suit them to see you as a 'harassed mother of two' (whatever that is) rather than see you for the person you are.

Hope that makes sense. I know that throwaway comments like this can hurt.

Dropdeadfred · 31/08/2008 19:13

My DH is fine thank you...hows your DP? (Who is lovely btw)

tribpot · 31/08/2008 19:13

PC - sounds like standard propaganda from the PC-Family-Machine. Your sis I'm sure didn't mean any 'harm' per se, it's just all part of the sub(or not)conscious effort to put down the huge strides forward you've taken in terms of owning your own life.

My dsis had a baby when she was 19 and 6 or so years later was lucky enough to meet a diamond of a bloke who took on her and her dd and they've been together ever since - my dsis turned 40 this year! They have a dd2 and he's always treated them both as his own, although dd1 has lots of contact with her dad too.

Completely unfair of your sister to suggest that no childless person could ever want to take on someone else's children, it's about the individual. Some people would find it a massive shock, others take to it relatively easily. Every factor of both of your lives contributes to the success of the relationship. You might find becoming the dog's step-mother is the dealbreaker

fryalot · 31/08/2008 19:18

thank you fred he's fine (snoring at the mo, but fine)

PC - be happy, ignore your silly family.

glitterfairy · 31/08/2008 20:31

Nymphadora congratulations!

PC, dont fret eventually it will get into their thick heads that you mean what you say.

I am fine honestly. Cant give up my independence and said so and have real issues with trust these days and things moved far too fast for me and I suspect the kids as well.

Original poster

Pinkchampagne · 31/08/2008 20:55

Wow, congratulations, Nymphadora!

I have boys back now, and DS1 was apparently upset about staying in the hotel because last time he stayed in a hotel, we were a family. He did phone last night, and was upset & saying he missed me. He seems ok now.

Can't imagine how my family would react if I were to have a child with new man. Each time we have been away for the weekend, my mum sends me a text to remind me to take my pill!!!

OP posts:

jvs · 31/08/2008 21:06

Have just read this thread start to finish and am relieved to find so many positive stories... am just thinking about 'dating' after 3 years single and guess I worry about all the things pc is concerned about. This has made me feel a lot better!

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