Just hit me that i'm going to a wedding tomorrow and will be all alone in the crowd...

[gillybean2]

Had sort of forgotten this. Not because I'm forgetful, but because my friend and her husband got married back in June and are having the party this weekend.

But it's not just a party. They are also having their spiritualist ceremony and what they regard as their proper wedding (other was legal one at registry office).

Hadn't really thought about it much till last night when I was feeling a bit down. But here I am rememebring what it's like to be the only one not part of a couple and how completely isolating it can be and horrible when everyone else is teasing their partners in silly little lovely ways, and holding each other and basically being happy and in love. Really drives it home what I haven't got and what I would really love to have.

I'm happy for them really I am. They've been together years and decided to get married for the children and ensuring if anything happened to one of them the other would be 'safe' in the eyes of the law regarding children and property etc. But my friend has really got into it and we all thought she wasn't the kind. She was saying how nice it is to be Mrs X and being all girly and excited about the whole thing.

And no there will be no nice single ushers etc there for me to meet the man of my dreams or anything as romantic as that. It's not that kind of wedding at all. We have to bring our own chairs and everything! Think I'll be retreating to my tent a lot

How to stop being so miserable and deal with being the only one on my own as usual! I know they don't do it on purpose, but it does feel like being stabbed with a knife and I can't afford to allow myself to get depressed at this point.

I haven't even thought about what I might wear up until this point. That's how to the back of my mind I put it!

I'm 38 and I've been a lone parent since before my ds(9) was born. Had a serious relationship (met on the internet) three years ago which lasted hmm, a year, or possibly longer given we have been off an on since we split up and were supposidly 'fuck buddies' for a while too.

Has taken me this long to get some control back in my life and am still dealing with the fall out from it. Told him 2 weeks ago now that he is a wanker who has no respect for other people and that one day someone is going to liem cheat and hurt his daughter horribly and he won't be able to be angry about it as that's the kind of man he is and really he should bloody well grow up!

Is it just me or does anyone else wonder how we single ladies are ever going to meet a decent guy given the birth rate is more or less half and half yet so many guys turn out to be selfish wankers who get off on smacking us around and have to be in control of everything?

(i have to say, that in defence of men, all the blokes i have met have been lovely, including my ex-dh and have never ever hit or abused me. Its my fault my relationships ended, i grow bored and restless quickly)

Oh I know not all men are like that, I'm sure there must be some normal men out there somewhere, just as I'm still here perfectly normal just waiting on a nice guy to come along.

Just seems sometimes that all the good ones have been snapped up long ago. and any that are left are in huge demand I would imagine and don't stay single for long either.

Ah, gilly and allgone - feel for both of you. Sorry you had lousy evenings. I was in bed for 9 - so at least, you were out there.

Getting out of a hole? Exercise? I jog, when I can and it releases very similar hormones to red wine for me. I feel relaxed, get some sort of perspective and I can eat more chocolate, too.

Gilly - if you'd known for sure it was going to be this way, would you have gone? If the answer is yes, well, it is a matter of having got through it and being glad DS had a good time. If the answer is no, file away for the future.

I don't dwell on the chances of meeting a decent bloke, anymore than having financial security - both looked at coldly would have me crawling into bed forever . I do the small step thing - do one small thing and enjoy it: try a new recipe, read a good book, go for a walk, spend time on MN. I do look round but know I am actually a lot pickier these days and still happier now than I was in my last relationship.

Can you do anything special next weekend to make up for this? I find planning things gets me through, too.

Agree with the planning things:

i always have huge plans such as moving house and beginning a teaching career, otherwise i would find no reason to carry on. Probably these things will never happen anyway!
How sad is that?
Also, obviously, little plans like what to do next weekend, are good too!

Well, I have doing an OU psychology course on my to-do list and going to Cuba, learning to play the piano, having a veg garden and chickens.

Do I really think I will - possibly not, but one new year a book-shop owner wished me "May some of your dreams come true, but not all of them." It made sense. It is good to have hopes for the future.

allgonebelly up -what age group and subject are you thinking of?

Hope you're feeling better gilly. Weddings are sure to bring out the worst in us.

AGBU and Gilly - I feel what you feel.

I am divorced of 8 years. Couple of silly relationships, and only just dipping my toe back into dating again after 4 years. (got badly burnt)

My VHO is that if a guy aint married off by 30, hes either gay or has isshooooooos. Mostly the latter. All the nice ones are gone and married. My best male friend is big style disabled and is a great laugh but just isnt my type. He craves kids and marriage, all the things I had but threw it all away.

And TBH, I'm only sharing this here....if it wasn't for the love of my 2 darling dd's, I'd have gladly killed myself by now. They give me the strength to carry on.

Was reading my journal from a year ago. My mother and father washed their hands of me, my best girlie mate told me to fuck off....I am an alcoholic...my babies are all that I have left.
I have the stash of AD's and Valium ready and waiting, just in case. Nothing worse than the feelings of being fucked off by your parents and best mate....getting pissed and listening to all the wrong songs...

Sorry for hijack Gilly. I am 3 yrs younger than you.

Blessings x x x

Purple - go talk to someone in RL, please. Try your doctor's, be brutally honest as you were here.

MN is good and all but I needed my brother over the worst months. I would get on the phone and wail and he would always listen and often make me laugh. My DS2's therapist has also been a godsend - she has twice listened and then, just talked pure common sense.

YOU are worth living for, although I know what you mean about the DCs making sense of life. Get rid of your stash. Go talk to AA, even on the phone, your kids deserve a recovered alcoholic as a parent. And yes, I do know what I am talking about, my late Dad was an alcoholic all of my life and it does impact negatively.

When things are really bad, you always find out who you can rely on; the problem is someone, you expected to be there, will inevitably let you down and that betrayal when you are already low can be the very last thing you need.

If you can't do anything right now, please keep "talking" here if it helps.