How does everyone cope?

[MadAboutCat]

I’m really not sure I am cut out to do this alone, does anyone else feel the same way? I’m am struggling to keep on top of the house work it’s actually a mess, someone suggested I get a cleaner and didn’t seem to understand when I said I literally have nothing spare at all, I cannot afford a cleaner, I get zero maintenance at all nothing, it’s all on me, I have nothing spare at the end of the month. I just want one day where I have no kids here so I can do a massive clear out I find it impossible to get anything done when they are around. The house is falling apart and I’m struggling to keep up with the house work, I really don’t think I’m cut out for doing this alone all other single mums I speak to say how easy it is and how life is a breeze. Where am I going wrong? My house is a tip and I’m barely functioning

When DD was younger we would have periodic clear outs. Three piles: chuck; charity shop; keep. The aim is for the three piles to be the same size. At the end you will have got rid of two thirds. Now I always have a big bag near the door that’s the charity shop bag. We fill it up as we go and when it’s full I drop it off.

I’m ten years down the line, still working full time and trying to keep on top of everything. It’s broken me a bit if I’m honest but having a messy cluttered home is not good for my mental health. I bought a robot hoover a few years ago on Black Friday and I’ve cleared my hallway and the hoover is doing its job while I lie on the couch typing this 😁

A routine helps.

Friday evening, I put the washing in, and make a quick supper before putting my feet up
Early Saturday morning, I hoover, mop floors, and do the week's shopping. I put supper in the slocooker and then have the rest of Saturday free.
Early Sunday, I clean the kitchen & the bathroom. Then I'm free until the evening when I iron school shirts. I change beds midweek evening.

If I stick to that, I cope.

Yawn
I was same as you OP
Simply couldn't do everything. Something had to give. I couldn't afford a cleaner either. There is work, kids, house, friends, food hobbies , cleaning. I wasnt sacrificing time with kids or my hobbies so house took a back seat. Years on I don't regret it. I have more time to declutter now. If it's really stressing you out you will find time for it. .notherwise have a fab time and worry about it later. Life is for living

I was the same. Working full time, away 3/4 nights a week, and couldn't keep on top of things. I hired a cleaner, and she actually spends an hour of her two hour slot, sorting things out for me. Granted I can't then find things but it's looking like a home again and not just a dumping ground. I have her two hours a fortnight, £50, and that's £50 well spent.

This.....it feels like you are being hard on yourself. Using annual leave to clean yoir house, sounds awful. Use it for self care or fun with kids, anything to refill your cup. You might see things differently.

Just didn’t want to read and run - you’re doing an amazing job. We have 2 adults in the household and I feel similar. It’s not easy with littles.

do You have any family closeby or good friends who could have the kids either for day at the weekend or overnight would be better so you could try and tackle some of it. Sometimes just starting helps you feel better. Remember perfect is the enemy of good enough. It’s unlikely that the full makeover the house needs will get done but if you can get it clean so it’s up to basic hygiene standards and it feels safe to you - that’s good enough.

Do you get paid sick leave at work? You sound v distressed about it and if you don’t have any other way around it then maybe a day or two of sick leave to sort yourself out. My rationale is if people don’t take mental health days here and there they end up going on long term sick when they burn out and crash.

good luck 💕

If you don't let them help they'll never be able to pick up after themselves. Give them stuff they can do. And don't lose it when they do it wrong or muck it up because that's just teaching them they're no good if it's not perfect.
If the bed needs building first. Get them to read out the next step, pass tools, hold things still. You have no idea how much this will teach them and I promise you, it will be a help and one day they'll be a help all the time

If the kid’s aren’t letting you do stuff & they’re old enough you need to talk to them.
I struggle with a messy house & clutter & when we moved, I had a big talk with my kids, the youngest being 5 that this is our home & they all need to help by keeping their rooms tidy & the living room.

I’ve given them pocket money to encourage the good behaviour of £20 when I get paid on payday but you can obviously do what you can afford.

It is hard & the beginning seems impossible. Even if you do one thing a day, you’ve started.

@MadAboutCat 💛 I really feel for you. What you’ve written is so honest and familiar — I’m also parenting alone and the housework feels endless. I’ve got three little ones (5, 3 and 1), and I’m with them 24/7. No childcare, no maintenance, no partner support. Just me. And yes, people suggest things like cleaners or “just take a break” — but when you’re stretched financially and emotionally, it’s not that simple.

You’re not going wrong. You’re not failing. You’re doing something incredibly hard, and the fact that you’re still showing up — even if the house is messy and you’re barely functioning — means you’re doing more than enough. The idea that other single mums find it “easy” is just not the full picture. You’re not alone in feeling this way.

And I hear you on the “help” thing. My kids are still little, and when they try to help it often creates more chaos. I’ve had my 3‑year‑old poo in the bath while my 5‑year‑old ran out dripping wet into the front room to escape 😅 So yes — sometimes it’s easier to do things alone, even if it means waiting for a rare quiet moment.

If you ever want to chat, vent, or just feel less alone, I’m happy to share my number privately. No pressure at all — just here if you need someone 🌿💛