He wants toddler to have his surname too

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

Hi all,
Standard advice here is 'make sure baby has your surname' I did that after ex left me just before baby was born.
Now 18 months later he has decided he wants to take me to court so that toddler has his name too. Does anyone have experience of this with a toddler? What was the result of court?

[TeaKitten]

Is he on the birth certificate?

[DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira]

I dont think he has a legal right to it so can't see a judge siding with him.

If he wants your toddler to have the same name as him, I would suggest he change his name to match your toddler's.

...cheaper, too.

[Ozanj]

Let him take you to court.

[Wibblywobblylikejelly]

If he is proven to be the biological father then he has good odds of being added to the BC and getting the name double barrelled.

[deeprealisation]

Is he paying for the child?

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

He's threatening to take me to court for birth certificate too and I've been advised to just add him to it as he is the father and they'd just give it to him so to 'keep the peace' I should comply

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

@deeprealisation

Is he paying for the child?

Yes the minimum calculated on the CMA website

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

@Ozanj

Let him take you to court.

What would happen at court?

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

I don't like double barrel names at all (no offense to anyone that has chosen to have one for theirs) and don't like how the two names sound.

It feels so so so unfair that I'm the one doing all of the upbringing and he is able to force me to double barrel the name! Especially when so many single mums doing all the work aren't allowed to add their name on

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

@DoIdriveaVauxhallZafira

I dont think he has a legal right to it so can't see a judge siding with him.

If he wants your toddler to have the same name as him, I would suggest he change his name to match your toddler's.

...cheaper, too.

Edited

Haha I could suggest that 🙃 he has an absolute dragon of a bully lawyer

[Precipice]

@Wibblywobblylikejelly

If he is proven to be the biological father then he has good odds of being added to the BC and getting the name double barrelled.

That sounds accurate, but I've seen a few times women posting on here how the child only has their partner's surname and they'd like to add theirs, and being advised that this is unlikely to be granted by the court. Can you shed some light on this discrepancy, or would you disagree with that? Is it just because the woman is considered to have acquiesced at the time of the birth and the father in this case had perhaps had no choice in it?

[Wibblywobblylikejelly]

Worst case scenario he gets added to the BC and the name gets double barrelled.

Let him waste the money. You can be a a LIP and let talk it out.

Does have have much access?
Do you have a CAO?

[CoffeeMama89]

Without being on the birth certificate he has no legal rights over your child.

[Wibblywobblylikejelly]

@Precipice

That sounds accurate, but I've seen a few times women posting on here how the child only has their partner's surname and they'd like to add theirs, and being advised that this is unlikely to be granted by the court. Can you shed some light on this discrepancy, or would you disagree with that? Is it just because the woman is considered to have acquiesced at the time of the birth and the father in this case had perhaps had no choice in it?

Did any of them actually go to court or is it just talk?
A majority of cases where there are two biological and active parents will usually end in both names being added.

[Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions]

If his is the father then the judge may rule he should go on the birth certificate,and most likely will.
However he absolutely cannot force you to change your child’s surname.
That can stay as yours.
If you do change it to his, it can never be changed back to yours so be very wary about giving a child a surname other than your own.
So in short, let him
take you to court.
Is there a specific reason he now wants to be added to the birth certificate?

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

@CoffeeMama89

Without being on the birth certificate he has no legal rights over your child.

Yes, I've been advised that I should let him be on bc though as otherwise he can take me to courts and could have a claim for the costs (which he's threatening) so I agreed to the bc but obviously he's now asking for more including a name change at the same time.. I'm just wondering if it's similar to the bc in that they'd definitely say yes to him or if I should stand my ground as I'm the one bringing him up

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

@Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions

If his is the father then the judge may rule he should go on the birth certificate,and most likely will.
However he absolutely cannot force you to change your child’s surname.
That can stay as yours.
If you do change it to his, it can never be changed back to yours so be very wary about giving a child a surname other than your own.
So in short, let him
take you to court.
Is there a specific reason he now wants to be added to the birth certificate?

He says it's to protect himself, but mainly it's to control me and so that he won't have to listen to any safety rules that I have about our son

[Codlingmoths]

I’d be shocked if the judge ruled you had to change your child’s name. So many women leave and do the lions share of bringing up a a child and never get a court order they can put their name in their child’s name. The birth certificate yes, but if he’s going to take you to court anyway I’d probably just make him take it all to court… more cost to him!

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

@Codlingmoths

I’d be shocked if the judge ruled you had to change your child’s name. So many women leave and do the lions share of bringing up a a child and never get a court order they can put their name in their child’s name. The birth certificate yes, but if he’s going to take you to court anyway I’d probably just make him take it all to court… more cost to him!

He's threatening to claim back his costs from me about the birth certificate and I've been advised that they might agree with him as he is the father... so unfortunately I think I'll have to do that as can't risk even a small risk of having to pay someone's legal bills!

[Wibblywobblylikejelly]

@Unexpectedlysinglemum

He says it's to protect himself, but mainly it's to control me and so that he won't have to listen to any safety rules that I have about our son

What safety rules?
Overall, unless he is deemed unfit or a safeguarding concern he will be assumed capable of making his own decions.
You will be viewed as equal parents and so one can't dictate to the other without cause or court order.

[Unexpectedlysinglemum]

@Codlingmoths

I’d be shocked if the judge ruled you had to change your child’s name. So many women leave and do the lions share of bringing up a a child and never get a court order they can put their name in their child’s name. The birth certificate yes, but if he’s going to take you to court anyway I’d probably just make him take it all to court… more cost to him!

Ps I agree with you re the women! I was wondering as my toddler is young if it would be easier to argue that it should be changed now

[LightDrizzle]

You aren’t married I assume? Traditionally any children take your name. I can’t see a court upturning that, it would be bizarre.

[Wibblywobblylikejelly]

@Unexpectedlysinglemum

He's threatening to claim back his costs from me about the birth certificate and I've been advised that they might agree with him as he is the father... so unfortunately I think I'll have to do that as can't risk even a small risk of having to pay someone's legal bills!

Have you ever put in writing that he is the father? To him or publicly?

[Whycantiwinmillionsandsquillions]

No, he does not get to decide the surname of the child. He is not married to you and that is crucial in law. Unmarried fathers do not have the same status as married fathers.
Married fathers can register the child’s birth without the mother- unmarried fathers cannot.
You must tell the registrar that you want the child to have your name.
Your wishes override his.
There is a reason for marriage- it carries status in law.
Do not agree to his demands.
Like I said once a child has its fathers name you can’t change the birth certificate.

[Codlingmoths]

If at all possible I would have your lawyer say in court something like: my clients primary concern is that the child’s father wishes to be on the birth certificate to empower him to ignore her rules on safety, including regarding <insert list of perfectly accepted and standard safety rules parents have that he doesn’t like> and while my client recognises this ruling may go against her as mr x is the father, she asks the court as a mother to please remind him that being on the birth certicate makes you MORE responsible to keep your child safe, the last thing it does is mean you don’t have to bother with child safety anymore.