Is it wrong to change my dd's name?

[amfay]

When dd was born (she's now almost 9 months) I thought it was right that she had her daddy's name, he has a son too so the three of them have the same name. Now it's just going to be me and her I think maybe it would be better for her to have my name? She will see him but I just think when she starts school it will be easier if her name is the same as mine. Has anyone changed their child's name? Is it even the right thing to do?

I don't know if someone has alredy said this I've only read 3/4 of the posts.. Being named on the birthcert does NOT give automatic parental responsibility, this can only be granted by a court otherwise all responsibility lies with the mother.
However being named on the birthcert means he is entitled to apply and you would need to prove him unfit in order for this not to be granted.
you would absolutly need his permission to change the name
If your names differ on passports you can be asked to phone your expartner (like my sister was last week)to ensure they are aware you are leaving the country

Glad you have decided to let it lie. LIke it or not, your XP and your DD have the right to a relationship with one another, which means you have a relationship with your XP, that of co-parents. It's in everyone's best interests to make this as amicable as possible: try to think of him in terms of how good a father he is to his DD rather than how horrible a romantic partner he is/was to you (obviously if he is violent/abusive/an addict or in any other way a danger to your dd that's a whole different matter but your post doesn;t give that impression).

Amfay.. you ex does have PR. Definitel.

My dd doesn't seem her biological father ever and has his name.. wanted to change it but now not bothered. She can decide when she's older what she wants to do.

So far it hasn't cause any really issues.. just some glitches around administration.

Sorry jellies, that's not right.

If they were married he gets it automatically.

If they weren't and the child was born after 1st Dec 2003 AND his name is registered on the birth certificate he gets it automatically.

Parental responsibility

Ahh thats it 2003, its all changed
thanks..
what an educational place MN is!

I don't think anyone would argue with you there .

jellie is talking through it.

Dad is named on birth cert, child born after dec 2003 therefore dad has automatic PR

You need ex's permission to change child's surname, otherwise you are breaking the law. The courts look VERY dimly on anyone trying to change a child's surname without permission as it provides a link with his/her father and at the end of the day a child does have the right to a meaningful relationship with their father, extended family.

It's against the law for the child to also be known by another surname i.e. doctors / schools

I don't think it is against the law to be known by another name actually yerblurt, otherwise schools and doctors wouldn't have a section on forms where you can put a known as name in would they?

Ive went through the same ds has dads surname we split and i wanted to alter it so my surname was included. Ds dads refused so unfortunately its a no go unless i go to court and ask for a specific order which im going to have to prove its in childs best intrest. I have put ds down as my surname for nursery and has also been used for athe hospital as he was baby xxxxx when he was born. I dont want to have to explain that im his mum etc, why should i?

It is against the law to change or cause a child to be known by a different name without the agreement of all those with PR. We have established your ex has PR because he is on the birth certificate and your daughter was born after the law was changed.

You can not just call your daughter something else, or tell schools, doctors etc that her name is your surname or any other name, even double barrelled. Well you can but your ex just has to show them the birth certificate and they will change it to what that says without any further discussion. The space on doctors forms etc is for people who have changed their name legitimately, either through marriage, deed poll etc.

Getting your child's name changed is a battle you won't win. This is one area where the courts rule in favour of the father. Pick any battles wisely. This isn't one to attempt.

I know lots of children who have different surnames to their mum, where they're not married but have their dad's surname regardless. It's not unusual. You could always change your surname to be the same as hers if you are that worried about the name difference. But you wouldn't want to do that i'm sure, just like dad isn't going to allow you to change his child's name. It's the one thing she has of his that you can't attempt to control or take away from him, or from her for that matter.

You might not like your ex now, and you might want rid of all trace of him, but without him you wouldn't have this beautiful wonderful child. It doesn't matter what her name is, she is still the same child. Think about what's important here. Maintaining a responable relationship for the sake of your child is important.

Oh and 9 months old is more than old enough for contact with her father. At that age your daughter should be seeing her dad frequently for short times to maintain and build a good relationship. Your daughter has a right to have a relationship with both her parents. Don't put blocks in the way just because you find it hard. Do you leave her with your mum, sister other babysitter ever? Then she is old enough to spend time with her dad too.

Try not to think too much about how much you loathe him, concentrate on how much you love your daughter and do what is best for her.
Gilly

Oh and might I just add that your soon to be ex might be just as happy as you to deal with GP's and schools etc, so don't assume you will be the one dealing with all of that. With PR he is entitled to information from schools and doctors etc about his daughter regardless of what you feel on the matter and they have to keep him informed if he asks them too.

You seem to think you are going to be the main carer, yet say he looks after his son. He is likely to want to take care of his daughter too and have a relationship with her.

You should consider a SRO for your daughter where you can then both be regarded as equal parents. If things escalate and you make contact difficult he is likely to try for a SRO in court and a lot of dad's are getting this now. A SRO (shared residency order) means equal rights and responsibilities and a recognition that a child has two equal homes rather than one home and an occassional dad who is sidelined by a controlling mother. You should try not to think of your daughter as belonging to you, you are both her parents and he has a right to input with regard to her schooling etc. You can't just make all the decisions and be in control of everything. He already has PR, so think about a SRO too.

SRO does not necessarily equal time by the way, so your daughter could still spend more time with you with a SRO.

You might have guessed that i'm an advocate of Shared Residancy Orders I honestly feel they are best for the child and for both parents in the long run.

Gilly

My mum changed my name for the same reasons as the OP is giving. It made life less confusing with schools, travel etc. BUT as I got older I did get a bit fed up of having to produce more paperwork than anyone else for things like passports, getting married, CRB checks (working in childcare). Just needs considering.

I don't think its that unusual for parents and children to have different names these days, particularly if parent has remarried.

Also, remember that every time your DD does something official (e.g. get married) she will have to list her previous name, so you can't really say goodbye to it completely.

Oh, just realised Rachmumoftwo has made that point.

yerblurt thank you I have already admitted my knowledge from my own experience is out of date..

I think the best plan in this situation is to wait until the child is old enough to make the decision themselves

Agnes

gillybean, imo your posts are first class thumbs up

sorry for the derail but how did you come to be an advocate of SRO's (shared residence orders)