Make me feel better for spending all my savings

[haveifuckedup]

I don't want to go into too much detail but I have a toddler and I managed to get a temporary accommodation flat for us due to domestic violence at home. I had £10k saved up and I have spent almost all of it on furniture etc for the flat and making it nice for us. I hate not having that safety net to fall back on, I feel so vulnerable. Have I made a mistake? I work part time and receive universal credit, housing benefit, child benefit etc.

She didn't spend £10k...

OP I'm glad you've got yourself and your toddler safe, that shows immense courage and strength, well done.

Don't beat yourself up about making your first safe home a lovely haven. I imagine you will have been questioning every decision whilst in a toxic relationship, and it's a hard habit to break. Enjoy your freedom and peace of mind. You deserve it.

Oh and if it makes you feel less guilty, I've still got some of the furniture I bought more than 25 years ago when DC and I escaped domestic violence. It's symbolic of a wonderful new start.

Buying furniture on marketplace, and hiring a man with a van to collect it (probably two men as it needs getting upstairs) for each item, isn't that cheap. I've been helping my friend with this kind of thing and it's been a pain in the neck. It's okay for one item but not when you're furnishing a whole flat from scratch. He gave up after two or three items and ordered reasonably priced stuff that came with free delivery.

If you had 10k, and still have 4k left, you've only spent just over half.
This is the reason you have savings - to be able to do things whe required. I reckon furniture is pretty basic stuff.
Enjoy your new, safe, home.

You did the right thing. You can't live in a mouldy flat.
It must look lovely and make you feel happy and safe. That's worth a lot.

You still have some money to fall back on. Just keep saving and enjoy your new life.

There are undoubtedly bargains to be had on Gumtree, Facebook Marketplace etc. And if you have transport, help to hump them up the stairs and life is calm and dandy, then seek out the bargains every time.

But you were on crisis, in fear, with a duty to keep you and your child safe. You used what resources you had wisely to create a safe home for you and your child. Absolutely well done to you.

You now need to take care with the money you have left and build up your safety net again - you know that.

Every good wish for the future.

Open a HelpToSave account and set up a monthly direct debit to pay in anything up to £50 a month, in two years you get a bonus of 50% of your highest balance, in four years you get another 50% bonus calculated on the money paid in in the third and fourth year!

Only available if on benefits.

www.gov.uk/get-help-savings-low-income

I would say you have acted very responsibly. You removed yourself and your child from an unsafe living situation. You used your emergency fund to deal with a genuine life emergency and you now have a safe comfortable home.

Whilst there may have been cheaper ways to do it due to constraints etc you couldn’t so had to do what you did. You now have a nice safe home for you and your DC. And you have furniture which you won’t need to buy again.

Be careful with the mould - it may come back over the winter so it may be worth investing in a dehumidifier. Especially if you will need to dry clothes indoors.

I moved out to escape DV and think I spent about £15k fitting out a 3 bedroom house with everything that goes in it on my credit card. However I have no regrets. My debts were taken into account when I divorced so in effect my ex paid half. He was left with everything in the family home that sounds like it is the case here.

When you have had to leave your home you deserve to be somewhere comfortable. Why should your ex have the family home with everything in it and you buy off marketplace etc?

Enjoy your new home and new life

Thank you for all your replies I feel so much better about it now ♥️

@JanglyBeads thank you, never heard of that before, I'll look into it now

@haveifuckedup no, you've not fucked up and you're wonderfully brave and I'm very proud you've gotten yourself safe.

I want you to look at the beautiful space you've created.
It's yours, it's all yours.
Your abuser has no connection with it.
This is now a home, a safe haven, it's the start of your journey and beautiful, safe future.

You have done the right thing.
You have made the most enormous change to your life and after your traumatic experiences, you deserve to feel calm and secure.

You are amazing.
You have money left. You can save up again, if you'd have been one of the 2-3 women a week who'd died of the hands of your abuser, you'd have saved that for sweet FA anyway.

You have a safety net still, a beautiful place that is now your sanctuary.

Do not worry what it cost you financially, focus that no money in the world could have made you happy or safe whilst in a DV situation.

Enjoy your new chapter and safe haven.
Women who leave these situations are my genuine heroes. 💐

You are being far too hard on yourself OP - you’ve done brilliantly and have still got savings to fall back on.
I honestly don’t understand why people think it’s in any way helpful to tell you that you could have done things far more cheaply when you’ve already made a safe comfortable home for your daughter and yourself.
There may well be bargains to be be had on Facebook and Gumtree but bearing on mind what you must have gone through recently, are in work and bringing up a toddler on your own you wouldn’t have had much time to scour the internet for furniture, and as well as the effort of finding what you want, you would then have had the problem of picking it up and getting it into your flat. You made the right choice furnishing your home as you did.
Furnishing a flat from scratch does not come cheap and if you moved into yours without anything at all and still having savings to fall back you have done extremely well.
Your new home might not be where you would have chosen to live in different circumstances but you have made the best of a difficult situation and provided a safe space for you and your child and should be proud of what you’ve done