DD1 stolen from me again...so angry

[PurpleOne]

Hey there! Want some advice from all you fonts of knowledge.

DD1 has been light fingered for a long long time.
She's skimmed my pockets, dipped my handbag, stolen from friends and family (always money)
She even took money from my place of work.

I have grounded her, taken tv away, dvd ps2 mobile phone etc in the past. Given her a hiding before and have even taken her down the police station a few times.

However, when I was ill before xmas, I trusted her to go and get some cash out so her and DD2 could at least get some fish and chips, toilet roll etc usual stuff.

She was due today to go out for the first time with her buddies to go cinema and to Pizza Hut afterwards. I gave her my cahscard and said 'a tenner only'. She came back with a atm reciept, thought my CTC was late going in so got a mini statement earlier.
One transaction of £20
Two transactions of £10
and another of £10 with the reciept. All made within 2 minutes of each other.

I know it was DD1. I am surprisingly calm, although my blood is boiling.
Any other suggestions of punishment, before I call her waste of space father and involve the police yet again?

Purple One I know you showed her a budget of what you give her, but I would write down all your weekly outgoings and then your incomings and when she can see it all writted down it might shame her knowing that she has stolen £50 off you when you dont have a pot to pee in, I would also buy value food and when she has eaten what resembles cardboard for a couple of weeks it might make her think that no money means no nice food and it might stop her doing it. Sounds like at the moment she dont have any respect for anything, in my day if I had stolen I would have the belt and knowing that kept me on the (virtual) straight and narrow, maybe you just need to be a bit tougher with her, I personally think at 12 she has too much freedom, I was still play with my girls world at that age

I don't want to make you feel worse, but please please don't hit her. All that will achieve is an even wider gulf between you.

I agree with others that she needs help not fear, disgust and harsh punishments. She's only twelve

I stole from my mother younger than this and at this age. The odd quid here and there. I spent it on sweets and junk for comfort eating. I got caught shoplifting at the age of eight, I was stealing some hair curlers or something, something completely random that I didn't even want. I was very, very unhappy at that age and at the root of it all was what I now recognise as anger, as well as grief, confusion, self-loathing etc.

I am sorry you're going through this, it sounds very stresssful and frustrating for you. BUT please try to bear in mind that your daughter is still a child and she needs your help and your understanding to get to the heart of this behaviour.

If I had been given a cashcard at 12 years old, I'd have frittered the damn lot, so I think you are fairly lucky to get away with only £50. I know the sizable hole it has made in your budget, but she's a child. She won't see it like that. It's like giving a 5 year old a bag of pic'n'mix and saying "Only have one!". Some 5 year olds would manage - most would break the rule and be damned with a mouth full of sweets.

She is stealing for a reason. There is a reason. I don't think ascribing adult motivations and self-control levels to a large child is helping anyone. She's not even a teenager, for God's sake! You want her to be good? Help her to be good then - don't give her access to things she can steal. Don't give her your cash card. Don't let her go to places on her own - go with her. Treat her like a nice little girl, give her time to finish being a little girl. I don't think she is responsible enough to be treated like the near-adult you seem to expect her to be.

I agree with those who say let her feel the consequences of those actions. No treats, and actually, I'd have £4 out of the £5 her dad gives her until it's paid back - but I'd knock that freedom on the head.

Are her friends bullying her into getting the money? If she has done it before, she may be expected to do it again, and the chances are sher is more afraid of being friendless than having a criminal record, as you can have a criminal record and still be happy at schoool, but being friendlss is miserable.