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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

met someone from plenty of fish tuesday...........

47 replies

MAMAZON · 07/02/2008 14:01

he was just as lovely in the flesh as he was online.
we laughed we danced we had a really good time.

he is a squaddie and as such goes oversea's alot. he doesn't want anything serious as he only seperated from his DD's mum in Oct.

he wants to be "fuck buddy's"

now in my youth i would have jumped at the chance.
but now i have 2 children i am not sure.

what do you reckon. will i be cheapening myself or is it win win until i find someone more permenant?

OP posts:

Janos · 07/02/2008 15:01

With th eproviso of course that if you THINK you might get too attached and you don't want that to happen...don't do it.

waffle

mmelody · 08/02/2008 18:27

Mamazon...you could just have one little go before you let him go I know I would have if there was chemistry.

Tinkerbel6 · 09/02/2008 09:36

Mamazon you can do better, it may have been a while for you but its better to have quality than quantity, POF is well known for squaddie hang outs and I have yet to be convinced they want anything more than a leg over, its up to you if you want to be his 'fb' but to me its just him wanting his cake and eating it and licking his fingers, the other girl obviously got sick of waiting around for him and met someone else, that itself speaks volumes, tell him to sling his hook

tetti · 10/02/2008 00:28

Nope,I know from exp that you CANNOT be so called fuckbuddies without getting emotionally involved.I thought I could (yeah right!),4 months on I'm still seeing the guy,and know that he cannot offer me anymore than what we have now.If you want to spare yourself heartache,just walk away.
Because,you will just crave more than he can give,and it's not worth the tears that you will cry eventually.
In my case,we have got to the stage where netiher of us can break away(long story,he's much younger than me,our lives are so different things could NEVER work),I can only see it end if I were to meet someone who wanted something serious.

If you do throw yourself into it(sometimes our hearts rule over our heads),then don't (whatever you do) take it for more than it is,and hope that he'll fall in love,because men like that?They just don't change.

Flibbertyjibbet · 10/02/2008 00:44

If his description of his other FB is sounding like what we might call a girlfriend, then this is my take on him (I have been round the block several times and had a terrible slutty phase some years back so like to think I am speaking some sense here )
He wants female company and sex. He tells you on first meeting that he wants not a girlfriend but FB to make sure that you understand he just wants sex and that he will not be giving you any emotional stuff.
You then have evenings out, meals etc or evenings in at yours, and this makes you feel like a girlfriend.
As soon as you start making girlfriend/exclusive relationship noises he will run off screaming 'but you agreed to just be FB and now you are wanting all that commitment stuff!!'

minorityrules · 10/02/2008 01:01

I'm waiting for mine to turn up lol

He pops in once or twice a month, we chat, share some wine and have glorious sex (he is actually the best I've ever had)

If you can see it for what it is and have no expectations, it can work fine

I know I won't fall for this guy and it is so nice to snog, cuddle and get jiggy, I actually like the set up we have (and he is the BEST shag ) He is a stop gap and we both know it

Only you know if you can handle it

lou33 · 10/02/2008 01:05

it depends if you can separate sex and emotions, a lot of women cant

if you have a proper chat and can come to an arrangement that suits you both, then i would say do it, but only if you think you can handle a sex only relationship

3andnomore · 10/02/2008 01:22

exactly mamazon, you aren't feeling comfortable with it, and lets be honest...it's very different to have fuck buddies in the youth, but a whole load different ones tehre are Kids involved....I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with it...I mean, what sort of message is it gonna sent out to the Kids....and no matter what age, there is a possibility they get onto you, etc...

I think it would be, emotionally difficult enough to get a new partner into your life with the emotionally attachement, never mind wihtout, certainly the without is only easy in the young and irresponsible days, eh!

lou33 · 10/02/2008 01:23

i would assume that her kids would not be seeing anything going on, and she would keep it well away from them

3andnomore · 10/02/2008 01:25

see...that one isn't always that easy, am talking as a daughter of a long term single mum, who obviously had to fulfill her needs at times....
a womans behaviour is very much influenced by just about anything, and Kids are very clued up, simple as that...unless it's a relationship that is going somehwere, it shouldn't be worth the risk of unsettling things...sorry, if that seems harsh!

lou33 · 10/02/2008 01:33

when i have had arrangements like that, they have been kept out of my home, so i am only going by what i have done

3andnomore · 10/02/2008 01:37

have you chekced your own behaviour though...I mean, you know the thing when you had sex and are like more happy and stuff...Kids do pick up on that sort of thing, the same when somehting breaks up, a Kid wasn't even aware of happening, and mummy is in a rotten mood, etc...it's difficult to keep Kids out of the picture and uninformed once they are there...

lou33 · 10/02/2008 11:43

believe it or not i dont generally shag men the first time i meet them, and they dont come back to mine

and if it was putting me in a good mood i doubt the kids would be unhappy about that

how that equates to me asking about the height of a man, i cant see

maybe you could elaborate on that, because i dont recall asking fore any moral judgements or opinions on my private life

lou33 · 10/02/2008 11:54

oops sorry i thought i was on another thread, so the last sentence was out of context

apologies

lou33 · 10/02/2008 11:54

last 2 sentences, sigh, i cant read properly today

i am sorry

tetti · 11/02/2008 13:25

Well,I don't believe that you can possibly shield your kids from everything,let's say one has a longterm friend with priviliges,so to speak,and maybe one cannot actually get a babysitter in etc (and these things can be quite spontanious).Well,judge me if you like,but in my case,I knew my so called fuck buddy(hate that word,cringe!lol) before I strated to sleep with him,and my daughter knew him as a frriend of mine anyway.
So,he comes round when she's asleep,and she's non the wiser!Sometimes he comes round when she's up and plays with her,so in her mind,he's just another one of my friends.
I can't organise to meet him only when my girl's w her dad,I,or he, may well have other plans then.

That's the thing,he's a stop gap,we are really good mates though,and I can actually see us staying friends once one of us meets someone who we'll get serious with.
I wouldn't have a problem with that,nor would he I think,and I'd never cheat,so it'd be needless to say to a new man-This is so and s0,he's one of my best mates,and by the way,we used to shag,but no more!(don't think that's a very good idea!lol)

For now though,we're not in love,but we're attracted to eachother and have needs like everyone else,so why not?

lou33 · 11/02/2008 13:39

i dont blame you tetti

MrsMattie · 11/02/2008 13:45

I dunno. Fuck biuddies...do they really exist? isn't it more about the 'fuck' than the 'buddy? Isn't it just no-strings sex dressed up as something else?Does he really want to share long, interesting conversations with you...or will he just suffer that bit to get into your knickers at the end of the evening? Sorry - I'm fairly cynical about these things. If you're cool with it being a casual sex thing, then go for it. If what you really want is to be desired and wanted not just for sex, but for all of who you are, then steer clear, I'd say. These things often start out as a big eho boost and end up damaging your confidence.

MrsMattie · 11/02/2008 13:46

ego boost

tetti · 11/02/2008 13:55

Well,there are definelty two sides to it,in my case,the guy in question is just way to young(or immature maybe) for me to consider having a relationship with(8 years my jr),but,I do fancy the pants off him!lol
In the beginning I def thought I was falling for him,but then one day,just woke up and saw it for what it was.

It's not for everyone,and I know for sure that the intimate side of our relationship will end the day I'll meet someone else(I say I,as I'm the one out of us both who are ready to actually embark on a relationship again).

tetti · 11/02/2008 13:58

No,not just ego boost,I just want sex,that's all!lol
I may be blunt,but I don't want to go out and pick up a guy who'm I don't even know for some fun,I know what I'm getting with this guy,and I certainly don't intend living like a nun until I eventually meet "Mr Right here,right now"(I don't believe in the one and only,believe certain people are right for us at certain times in our lives,may it last 3 months or 20 years!)

MrsMattie · 11/02/2008 14:07

That's fair enough@tetti. If you are both completely clear about things (and continue to be - ie. one of you doesn't start falling for the other)) no harm done.

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