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Original poster

Daughter won’t go to school

64 replies

TurnUpTurnip · 03/12/2021 09:51

I wondered if anyone can advise me, I am a lone parent (fully lone no ex involved) my oldest is 10 and has asd (and awaiting adhd assessment) recently she has started refusing to go to school (I am unable to get to the bottom of why she just says that she doesn’t want to go to school, her speech and language and is very limited) I’m posting for advice on my other children, I was unable to get them to school today as my daughter refused to go, she threw herself on the floor screaming and started lashing out at me and the other children so I had no choice but to come home. Being a lone parent I don’t have anyone else that can do the school run (family/friends not available) what can I do here, my other children are upset that they can’t go to school.

OP posts:
Imitatingdory · 03/12/2021 17:15

You need to either ask for an early review or a reassessment of needs as it’s clear the EHCP isn’t currently meeting DD’s needs.

Has DD had an assessment via the disabled children’s team?

Don’t rule out a taxi for your other DC. Many DC travel to school on their own via taxi, it was why I suggested trying to find out which firm(s) the LA use and using them as they will be used to it.

Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 03/12/2021 17:22

I don’t mind sending kids in a taxi the older 2 but not my 4 year old, my older child isn’t old enough or mature enough to look after her, there’s no parking outside the school and he wouldn’t be able to safely get her across the roads, and no we don’t have social services involved so have not had any assessments

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Imitatingdory · 03/12/2021 17:25

You can request social care assessments yourself. An assessment for DD via the disabled children’s team and a carer’s assessment for you.

Can you speak to the school and ask if a member of staff could meet the taxi? If the alternative is DC aren’t in school you may find they are accommodating.

AnFiadhRua · 03/12/2021 17:30

Place marking
my son has pda and only goes in about 2 days out of 5

Phineyj · 03/12/2021 17:41

Hi OP, if she's been going into school OK up to now (which is impressive - a lot of DC with these diagnoses can't manage school) it's possibly the special Christmas activities that have upset her and/or absence of a key member of staff - any recent changes? Anyone off with Covid? Itchy Christmas jumper? When my DD occasionally school refuses, it's often sensory, because of a playground disagreement (which are obviously common with DC with social communication difficulties) or sometimes just because she'd rather be at home (DD was particularly confused during hybrid learning last Jan-Mar when some DC were at school and some at home). Is there a member of staff she likes and trusts? They may be able to get to the bottom of it.

2reefsin30knots · 03/12/2021 17:44

I take it she is in mainstream? Maybe it has just got too much and needs a move to specialist?

However, I know you said it is solutions for the others you are after. Do you have any money to throw at it? I reckon you might be able to find somebody to walk the others to school for you if you were prepared to pay them. There might be a TA at the school who would do it for some extra cash, or a college student.

Bbq1 · 03/12/2021 18:06

@Viviennemary

I would put her put outside into the garden and take the others to school. And confined to her room when you get back. Its just not on. Especially the screaming and lashing out.
God, what a vile response. Are you serious? This is a child with additional needs who is obviously struggling and you advocate leaving her home alone in the garden and then confining her in her room... You realise this would be incredibly unsafe and massively escalate the situation? Op clearly needs extra support but shutting her child in the garden like a dog isn't the advice she is looking for. God forbid you ever have a child that needs extra support.
InTheLabyrinth · 03/12/2021 18:22

Does the school have a uniform? Would she understand that she wasnt going to school but the others were if she was wearing her own clothes, and the others were in uniform?

toolazytothinkofausername · 03/12/2021 18:22

@Viviennemary

I would put her put outside into the garden and take the others to school. And confined to her room when you get back. Its just not on. Especially the screaming and lashing out.
@Viviennemary

She is 10 years old!!! It is winter!!! Having Autism makes her vulnerable!!!

Honestly, the amount of Autism ignorance on Mumsnet recently makes me so depressed Sad

JSL52 · 03/12/2021 18:31

@Viviennemary

I would put her put outside into the garden and take the others to school. And confined to her room when you get back. Its just not on. Especially the screaming and lashing out.
She's 10 Confused
MeredithGreyishblue · 03/12/2021 18:34

@Viviennemary

I would put her put outside into the garden and take the others to school. And confined to her room when you get back. Its just not on. Especially the screaming and lashing out.
Are you always this awful? Or just on MN? What a hideous comment.
toolazytothinkofausername · 03/12/2021 19:02

notfineinschool.co.uk/home

Skyechasemarshalontheway · 03/12/2021 19:20

With her have unpredictable behaviours etc would she qualify for the severe mental impairment part for higher rate mobility. We just went to tribunal for our son whos 10 and won it. He has autism and will throw him self around and hit. He literally needs to held at all times moving around outside the home.
We have ordered a car using his mobility part now.

Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 03/12/2021 19:31

Thank you no she wouldn’t qualify as she doesn’t meet every single part of the criteria for HRM she doesn’t get HRC (despite not sleeping at night we was only awarded MRC) and she is in mainstream and I have been trying to get her into a special school but been told she isn’t behind enough academically to require an SEN school, despite having ehcp and 1:1 all day in school.

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Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 03/12/2021 19:58

And sorry should have added it’s not recent it’s been since September but she’s been getting worse more recently

OP posts:
Imitatingdory · 03/12/2021 20:09

been told she isn’t behind enough academically to require an SEN school

Who told you that? It’s nonsense, you can be academically able and attend SS.

Have you looked at Contact’s factsheet for claiming HRM DLA with ASD? As well as under the SMI rules you can get HRM via the virtually unable to walk rules, which you don’t need to be in receipt of HRC. Although you don’t have to be in SS to qualify under the SMI rules, either.

TheCanyon · 03/12/2021 20:21

In my kids school there's a classroom assistant that helps take/bring home the younger kids in a similar situation. He has the older sen twins two days after school too to help mum out.

I know it might be awkward for you to ask, but it's maybe an option of there's a staff member willing?

Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 03/12/2021 20:23

The school was the ones who said she isn’t behind enough to need a special school, I’ve asked on a autism Facebook group and was told that they only way to get my daughter into a special school would be for her school to say they cannot meet her needs, I can’t imagine them ever saying that, they down play everything, she hit a teacher a few weeks back but they downplayed the incident, when I called them to discuss it they had no idea what I was talking about so the teacher never informed anyone of the incident (happened after school as we was leaving.)

I will look into the dla to see if she might qualify for a higher rate

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Imitatingdory · 03/12/2021 21:05

The school are talking rubbish. Schools often say DC won’t get a SS place, but parents successfully push ahead anyway and appeal if necessary.

only way to get my daughter into a special school would be for her school to say they cannot meet her needs

That isn’t correct, although it does help. Unless the school you want is wholly independent the LA can only refuse to name your preference if they can prove:

  • The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or
  • The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or
  • The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

When you have spoken to the school are you following up the phone call with emails, so you have a paper trail as evidence?

Imitatingdory · 03/12/2021 21:05

Beside, the school aren’t, and can’t, meet DD’s needs, if she can’t even attend.

JustmeandtheKIDS2 · 06/12/2021 09:07

O goodness this is tough.
Just a thought. Maybe she needs some kind of insentive to walk there, it may have become over whelming for her. Could you have some kind of token insentive using landmarks on the way. Eg get to the first shop and she gets a token. Then every so many token and she gets a present? Just a thought.

Beakerandbungle · 12/12/2021 07:50

Hi OP

Unfortunately I don’t have advice but wanted to add sympathy as I have exactly the same with my DS (9 and ADHD) although I only have one younger one. Similar situation in that I’m further out from school than most parents so don’t have anyone who I could ask to take youngest en route. I also work and it’s meaning I’m late nearly everyday plus feel genuinely traumatised at the start of every day.

I’m trying to work with the school but like you they tend to downplay my DS. Is there a particular teacher your DD has a relationship with that she could go in early with at all? This worked for my DS for a while. I think though they just reach the point where they can’t cope with school anymore.

Have you reached out to local parent support groups? We have a service linked to the council here that can help parents liaise with the school. Also when was she last assessed by an educational psychologist? You could try and get on the list for a further assessment as it sounds like her needs any have changed and her current EHCP isn’t meeting them?

gunnersgold · 12/12/2021 08:01

Does she go to ms ? I imagine it's pretty overwhelming if she has limited language . Have you looked at other Sen schools?
My son did 3 years at ms primary and started to get overwhelmed so I moved him to a sn school which he absolutely loves !

gunnersgold · 12/12/2021 08:04

Sorry just read your update , go and speak to the senco and tell them you want to apply for a echp and for them to say they can't meet her needs etc .Start researching other schools that suit her .
Don't take no for an answer . Some schools are such a bloody pain !

Original poster
TurnUpTurnip · 12/12/2021 16:59

Thank you she has a ehcp, the school say they can meet her needs and that she is fine at school 😕 she has a full time 1:1 already, she is in mainstream, the school wouldn’t admit to not meeting her needs they downplay anything that happens, our last meeting was in June and the educational physiologist said mainstream secondary was fine for her and she could go to one with a dsp but I disagree with that and only want a sen school, but the school aren’t willing to back me on this. I’m going to call an emergency annual review as I don’t think it’s working at the school.

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