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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

What's fair? maternity leave as single parent

26 replies

cfh2287 · 24/08/2021 18:43

I broke up with my partner 6 months ago, we have two children (aged 1 and 2) and a third due in October. We are not married but do jointly own the flat I live in with the kids, he is paying to rent a room locally. At the moment we split all costs (mortgage, bills, childcare) 50/50 although he earns a lot more than me because I work part time and look after the kids on the other days. He pays for his rented room himself.

Anyway, when I go on matenity leave my pay is going to reduce to SMP so what do people think is a fair way to split the mortgage bils etc. He wants to keep it 50/50 but 1.) I won't be able to afford that and 2.) We are both having. a baby but then only I am making financial sacrifices eg by using up my small amount of savings.

Can anyone advise on what is a fair way to split the shared costs in this situation? ie when you are not together anymore but still have a flat and children together?

OP posts:
babouchette · 24/08/2021 18:47

It is definitely not fair for you to pay half the costs from your SMP. Were you married (if you don't mine me asking)? Is there any kind of child support agreement in place?

Wilmaa · 24/08/2021 19:11

Are you able to claim benefits?
Does he give you money on top for kids?

Lou98 · 24/08/2021 19:16

I agree not fair to pay 50/50 when on SMP unless he is also giving you a fair amount of CM to make it "even" so to speak.

I'm not entirely sure on where you legally stand and I'm sure someone will be along to tell you soon but I think if I was in your situation and he's insisting 50/50 then I'd be contacting cms.

What's the arrangement with the kids? And what's the plan going forward with living arrangements, are you staying in the flat or looking to move etc?

Soontobe60 · 24/08/2021 19:19

You need to claim universal credit, and sort our proper child maintenance.

mobear · 24/08/2021 19:19

Me and DP are not married but he’s giving me 1/2 my financial loss for being on mat leave so I can still contribute 50/50. This means we’re bother losing the same amount of money (although he’s the higher earner). It might not work for everyone but it has worked well for us.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2021 19:21

@Soontobe60

You need to claim universal credit, and sort our proper child maintenance.
Yep. You’re not together, draw a line.
PotteringAlong · 24/08/2021 19:22

You need a proper financial settlement in place. He’s not going to continue 50/50 indefinitely.

Original poster
cfh2287 · 24/08/2021 19:33

No we have never been married and no he doesn't give me anything extra for child maintenance. He feels that paying half the bills etc for a flat he is not living in is his contribution. We haven't yet sorted out how we are going to move forward financially, I don't know how to decide a financial settlement or even if I would be entitled to anything re universal credit as I have a job and own half the flat. arghh lots to think about.

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 24/08/2021 19:36

It’s fair that he’s paying half of all yours and the children’s living expenses when you’re not together and he’s also paying to live elsewhere.

You need to separate properly, claim child maintenance and whatever benefits you’re entitled to. It will be a big undertaking changing your whole life, but in the long run you’ll be better off having as little reliance on your ex as possible.

ArtfulScreamer · 24/08/2021 19:40

You need to pay 100 % for the property you live in but claim the relevant benefits and CMS to allow you to do so. You're not together so your finances also need to be separate.

ArtfulScreamer · 24/08/2021 19:45

Sorry ignore the above I had it in my head it was a rented flat when I wrote my post. Owning the property means he is still liable for the mortgage albeit you could argue not the bills when he's not living there and you'll not be entitled to any housing benefit for an owned property but you are still possibly entitled to some benefits as a single parent which is what you now are

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/08/2021 20:29

As you’re not married the financial settlement will be a proportion of the house sale or he might want to buy you out, or vice versa, and child maintenance based on his salary and how often he has the DC overnight.

He’s not going to keep paying for half of your house. He’ll want to buy his own place in time and/or get a new relationship and want a clean break.

Better to get it all clear and sorted now and save hassle and stress in the longer term.

Doyoumind · 24/08/2021 20:36

Universal Credit won't pay towards a mortgage. It only covers housing costs if you are renting. But you should be able to claim UC for living costs if your income is going to be low enough. Look at one of the online benefit calculators like turn2us.

mswales · 24/08/2021 20:44

You're not entitled to any universal credit at all if you have £16k capital or more, which OP probably does if she owns half the house. All you can get is child benefit unfortunately.

Original poster
cfh2287 · 24/08/2021 20:45

Thanks everyone thats been really helpful and has given me the push I needed to sort this out. We are going to sit down and discuss it on the weekend. I don't expect him to pay for half the flat indefinitely, it's just happened because when he first moved out it was for a trial period which has sadly now become permanent. He can't have the kids over where he is renting so he still spends a lot of time in the flat seeing them. I suppose we will have to rent out the flat as we have to pay a big penalty if we leave our mortgage before the fixed rate ends in 3 years.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 24/08/2021 23:14

@mswales

You're not entitled to any universal credit at all if you have £16k capital or more, which OP probably does if she owns half the house. All you can get is child benefit unfortunately.
That's not true. You can get UC as a homeowner but not enough to pay a mortgage. You can't get UC if you have savings of £16k. OP would be elibigle unless she has savings. If the house were sold she would become ineligible due to the money that would give her.
Lorw · 25/08/2021 00:19

Not a single parent but I’m due in December and can only afford to take 2months maternity, luckily MIL is going to help with baby but we have no choice as we live in a very expensive part of the country and he has other children who have a certain lifestyle and I don’t want to ruin that, you may not be able to afford to take a long maternity leave Sad

You definitely need to sit down with him and discuss finances and check everything that you can claim Grin

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy OP! Hope everything goes well! Flowers

SunnyHens · 25/08/2021 07:38

As @Doyoumind and PP says, it is likely you’ll be able to claim universal credit. Your partner need not know about this either.

The application will take longer than you think so good to crack on with it. They won’t pay mortgage but will give you support toward living costs of children.
Are you claiming child benefit too?

My own situation is that my ex pays Child support based on the government calculator.
From this I use 4/5 of it to pay half of my mortgage. The house will be 50/50 when it’s sold. He’s not increased the support since he’s had a pay rise. Not a great situation but I make it work from having income from ex, uc and my full time job.

Definitely recommend trying out the benefits calculators - UC wont take into account cm as a form of income.
benefits-calculator-2.turn2us.org.uk/survey/1/0684691b-1d47-4e0f-90cb-696f7cff40dc

CutePanda · 25/08/2021 08:06

Work out how much he earns per month and how much you will receive from SMP. That will show just how little money you will be on. Did you split up because he’s so selfish?

I think he should pay the mortgage and childcare, but you pay the utility bills as you’re living there. He also needs to pay child support so you’re both feeding and clothing the children, rather than just you.

Original poster
cfh2287 · 26/08/2021 20:01

Well, we spoke about it and he wants to continue paying half mortgage and bills instead of a child maintenance payment. I'm not sure why as I think the child maintenance would be less than what he currently pays but he is worried its somehow going to affect the percentage of the flat he owns if he isn't paying half the mortgage. But after all the previous advice i now really want to disentangle our finances but he won't agree!

OP posts:
TinyTroubleMaker · 26/08/2021 20:10

You need to talk to a solicitor before discussing further with him or making any decisions.

BungleandGeorge · 26/08/2021 20:15

I think he only has to pay the amount set out by csa. You’ll be entitled to benefits won’t you? Probably a fair amount if you’re only getting smp.

Original poster
cfh2287 · 26/08/2021 21:04

Well I can't claim any benefits as he is still registered as living here even though he doesn't. It's really infuriating. All his bank accounts/HMRC etc is all still posted to this address.

OP posts:
BungleandGeorge · 27/08/2021 23:27

You can still claim, although they may ask for proof he’s not living there. A copy of his rental agreement/ payments would be ok. Or he needs to get himself on the electoral roll at new place (he needs to do that anyway if he’s living there) Take him off the electoral roll at your flat ( you can also then apply for single person reduction on the council tax). As long as he doesn’t ever stay at your flat? It’s not at all in his interests to be difficult as he will be depriving his children of money and possibly cause you to default on the mortgage payments

Lou98 · 27/08/2021 23:30

I seen on another thread earlier that a few of the replies said you can actually still claim UC as a single person if you live together but aren't in a relationship. Try giving them a phone and seeing where you stand