My toddler is ransacking my house- exhausted!

[Singleslummy]

Any tips for dealing with the aftermath of a toddler's "play" as a single parent of 2?

She is at home with me 2 days mon-fri as I work part-time. Today has been horrendous. Between the school runs, she has made a bomb site of the garden, conservatory, lounge, hallway and 3 bedrooms. Toys everywhere. Shoes taken from the shoe rack in the hall and thrown everywhere. Her pyjama drawer emptied. Clothes everywhere. Her sister's Barbie Dream House contents- everywhere.

Finished cooking dinner and eating, exhausted after she was up in the night and I just want to cry. She's grumpy anf tired and refuses to help me tidy up all her mess (she's 34 months).
Eldest DC is playing on his tablet happily- he's no bother but I'm finding no time to read or do spellings with him.
Try to do lots of activities during the day with her but the minute my back is turned when I'm doing washing, making lunch, she's feral and completely bull dozes the house.

When Ex DH was here until recently, one of us would get her to tidy up with us whilst the other did homework with DC1, we then shared the bed times, one child each.

But on my own, it's horrific. Just put DC2 to bed and I'm falling asleep on my bed trying to muster up the energy to read Harry Potter to DC1.

Guessing it will get easier as DC2 gets older and she eventually starts school. I've thought about working more hours to give me a bit of head space too.

But what do I do in the mean time? Sometimes, I think she's going to finish me off!

@Singleslummy

"Direct that anger at your DD." She's 2. 2 years old. Wow. Out of all the terrible MN advice I've read over the years, that one liner has done it for me.

Agreed OP, that really got to me. Of course we should not direct our anger at toddlers. Yes, we need to establish boundaries and teach them how to tidy up. But toddlers do not have the emotional maturity to recognise when they are overwhelmed and this can express itself through behaviour. I think you are doing your absolute best and it sounds like you and DD are fairly exhausted at the moment. Some of the comments here are really harsh

@Singleslummy I'm so glad it is helpful! I'm honestly quite surprised at all of the posters suggesting she should help with keeping things tidy at 3. This is the most wilful age! It was only really when my DS turned about seven would he willingly engage in any form of tidying! (Other PPs may say I was failing on this front, but I sure as hell tried!!). Acceptance is the best medicine. And getting out of the house... and owning less where you possibly can get rid of stuff (even then it will still be a battle as with kids you still need to own a certain amount of stuff that can be endlessly messed up!!).... I really empathise with you OP! Best of luck : )

@Singleslummy

"Just persevere" she says... 🙄

Ok. Give up.

Let your child ransack your house.

Order... accept that change will be hard, as with anything with kids (do we expect potty training overnight? Do we expect them to ride a bike first time? Are they able to read on the first try?)

Decide the behaviour you want (i.e. tidy up after yourself), help her by limiting the stuff available, then model the behaviour you want and show her (more than once) how to do it and what is expected.

Keep on going. I

@Singleslummy

Also going out not easy as I'm clinically vulberable and shielding (I have an autoimmune disorder which puts me at high end covid risk). Amazing how people assume things are as simple for you as they are for them.

I have an autoimmune disease. And I still go out to outdoor spaces.

You should have had your first vaccination dose by now. Surely?

There is no reason to be staying inside any more.

•if you are clinically vulnerable you’ve presumably had 1st dose of vaccine. There no reason to never go out.
• she’s nearly 3 stop babying her.
• get a system for all the toys - why does she have free access to everything?
•take a long hard look at her day and night routine and ask yourself if she needs more structure.
•I know you’re knackered but commit to taking action.
• don’t ask for advice if you are not prepared to listen to it.

I have a simple solution. Toys only in living room. They are locked in the cupboard and I pick toys with the boys. This way it's impossible to ransack. Stairgate on the stairs so they can't go up unsupervised. Mine are 3 and 4

So now people have decided they know the ins and outs of OP's health condition in relation to Covid..... I think OP was just looking for a place to vent and get a few tips on how to approach this. She has already stated that she does encourage DD to tidy up but it's challenging when DD is overtired. Surely we can all relate to that?

Surely??

for you OP

She vented and wa given sound advice and then got stroppy because it didn't work straight away.

The people I know who a ECV have all had first doses and are going out.

Going to a park with a 3 to will not put her at risk.

And are we genuinely expected to believe she has been absolutely nowhere with the kids for an entire year?? Not even out for a walk??

@00100001

She vented and wa given sound advice and then got stroppy because it didn't work straight away.

The people I know who a ECV have all had first doses and are going out.

Going to a park with a 3 to will not put her at risk.

And are we genuinely expected to believe she has been absolutely nowhere with the kids for an entire year?? Not even out for a walk??

She's not on trial so there is no expectation to believe anything but perhaps to just take someone at face value and have a little empathy for a mum who is finding life tough right now.

She has received empathy and sympathy...

DisorganisedOrganiser

Sorry, no idea why that posted like that!

What I actually wrote was that this thread is ridiculous! So much judgement and incredibly high expectations for a tiny child.

OP I hope you have managed to have a sit down and a cup of tea.

LMAO at the idea that all 3 year olds tidy up. Behaviour at nursery is totally different. They have peer pressure and a completely different relationship with the staff there.

FWIW, my kids are much older and still pretty messy. No doubt due to my parental failings of not enforcing tidying through tears as tiny children.

The mess does get less with age as you know though. I think sometimes you just have to plough on and pick your battles. Some of the expectations on this thread are far more suited to dealing with a school age child. Even then I would have said they were harsh .

I think your best bet is to tidy up together, try to declutter or keep toys away (easier said than done) and grit your teeth and wait for this stage to pass.

Sending you and .

@Singleslummy

Well, I'm having the worst afternoon ever. Really needed 30 minutes for a sit down and cup of tea before collecting DC1 from school after playing in the garden with DC2 all morning and afternoon up until this point. She started pulling out lots of toys, I took her favourite toy away and said she could have it back after tidying away the other stuff and she's inconsolable. Screaming the place down. Won't leave me alone. I just wanted 30 minutes to myself 😪. I'm cursing most of you for the crappy advice and shit afternoon.

No-one told you to take a 3 year old's toy away and try to use that to force her to tidy. We'd said you can set expectations, you can make it into a game, you can help her - that's not the same as threatening punishment. We said exercise, you kept her in the house and garden.

If your DS is at school, then taking her for a walk outdoors is going to be far less risky than that (likely even taking her to the playground too).

Blame us if it helps you, but not if it is an excuse for not changing anything and feeling miserable. It truly doesn't need to be a battle, you can be a team together. As a fellow single mother, i know how exhausting it can be, and if you can change things you'll all feel so much better.

Yes ,have the "punishment fit the crime".

What is the logic in removing dolly when you want cars put away? If you want cars out away and she doesn't, the 'natural' consequence would/could be
A) cars get taken away not to be played with, logic being,if you can't look after cars, then you can't play with them. Or
B) you can't play with Dolly until cars are put away. Logic being that only 1 or 2 toys are allowed out at a time.

Where as the method used is

Plus with cars, parent removes dolly,and says it can be returned once cars are away. Which is similar to B, but less logical

It isn’t about having too high expectations of a toddler @DisorganisedOrganiser it’s more about the expectation that a parent will take control. Toddlers need boundaries, giving them the run of the house and access to take anything they fancy is bound to end in trouble!
OP just needs to put some practical measures into place, and tighten the boundaries a bit. And yes toddlers certainly can help tidy their toys away, I’m amazed you think that’s not possible.

And yes. It's hard with toddlers, doubly do when you're on your own, and extra if you self-impose rules and/or feel like you can't go outside with them.

But we are trying to help her.

Mine is similar age, I tidy when she goes to bed, however, I don't understand why you allowed her to trash 3 bedrooms and throw shoes everywhere? Where are you while she's doing all this? Why didn't you stop her?

Tantrums and crocodile tears are normal at that age if they are told no. Confine toys to certain spaces.