Do dad's have right to information from day care provider?

[mummyloves]

Does anyone have any experience of this? My DS is 3 1/2 and at a private nursery as I work full time. Dad is threatening the nursery with legal action if they do not concede to his requests to be able to phone up when he wants for progress reports, be told his daily routine, meal times, sleep times and "special requirements, be told when the photographer comes in, have reports etc etc and be phoned if he is not at nursery for any reason. As this is not compulsory education and is really the same as if he were with a childminder or relative, what is he playing at? Someone thought he might be getting his "rights" mixed up with something to do with the Education Act and clearly this isn't education. Any views? The nursery isn't entertaining this and will want DS removed.

well when i told him about me and dp going to crete for a week, he went mad and started screaming and shouting at me. mum was there and she was afraid he was going to hit me. if he lay a finger on me, id be straight to the police. he then didnt see dd for 12 weeks, which didnt bother her at all and i wasnt that bothered lol. plus he'll kick up a stink about he wants parental responsibilty, as he deserves the rights to dd, and doesnt want dd thinking dp is her father. me and dp have both agreed that we dont want exp out of the picture and for dp to take over as father, but for exp to actually realise that he is an idiot and should be making more of an effort is going to take a very long time!

lol wish we were mummyloves! he was here this week, well i was at his house mon-weds then he came back to mine on weds with me and left friday. he's at home, well off picking up his drunk brother now lol

Its probably worth ringing Ofsted to find out the legalities of this or the CAB.

When i worked in a nursery we were led by the Main carer, and i had two situations similar to yours. i refused to speak to the other parent, under instructions from the main carer. but the parents were going through courts at the time to get sole parental rights - i forget the correct terms its been a while!)

But what most concerns me is you say the nursery want DS removed. I don't see how they can do this above board?

They should be communicating with you, helping and advising you and finding out for their selves what the law says about such a situation.

You could drop into conversation with them that they may be seen to be discriminating against your son if they ask you to leave. It means they are not providing fair and equal care to all children. In fact they would be discriminating a child who comes from a broken home, and is in more need than ever to keep continuity and security in his life.

Sorry, didn't mean to rant, but i am v angry on your behalf that this happening to you!

Mummyloves- unless it was a piece of paper fro a court (and I could ring to confirm) then no way.

I have a contract with the parent who signs the contract. If I were to give out info without the 'mum's' permission - it would be a breach of confidentiality (a 'standard' from Ofsted).

If I were to tell a mum at school that sarsh's mum is an optition that would also be a breach of confidentiality

So technically would saying the child's birth date/phone no/address etc.

If another mum wanted to ask a childminded child round to play I would take her tel no and pass it to my C/m child's mum - just to be sure

mummyloves, i agree with katiemac, i would call the police, and let them tell me i HAVE to provide this information to the Father.

When caring for other peoples children, they are the priority.

Obviously many parents are divorced and play equal part in the childcare, therefore i would treat them equally.

But if a mother (or a father) has main responsibilty and the other parent suddenly starts demanding info etc. esp. if the mother has requested he is not allowed to pick child up from nursery. i would absolutely refuse to provide the info. Only if the police or a solicitor told me i had to would i do so, and even then i would want a signature from the mother to say she agrees to this.

Fran1, thank you, I can't blame the nursery, they are absolutely fantastc and have done SO MUCH for Ds knowing for the last 1 1/2 yrs that he was having problems with dad. They've listened to me with boxes of tissues, I can't fault them. They've provided a letter for court about his sleep needs, they've co-operated with CAFCASS and they have made their own minds up about exDP because I allowed him to visit the nursery and they met with him. They were not clouded by our situation, they thought straight off he was a w*r!. The bottom line however is that we all seem to feel, ("grey area") that he will take out a specific issues order against the nursery to try to force them to hand over this information. They, quite rightly in my opinion, do not want to be drawn into this or have an order over their heads. They are after all, a private business. DS is thriving at this nursery and none of us want him to leave. Yes, I know I have to look at myself and whether this is a fight I want to continue on principal, potentially to the detriment to my son, but believe me, it won't stop here. If he "wins" this one, there will be no stopping him. I can't stress that to you enough. He will gloat, revel, threaten more, intimidate....... I can go on. I am not strong enough to endure the consequences of this. The nursery are within their rights and it is not throughlack of care, like I say, I can't fault them. maybe it's me. Anyone trying to evaluate this needs to understand the full picture and maybe they won't. It's not as simple as, "for the sake of your son staying in a secure environment, for f**s sake let exds know what times he has his meals at nursery"!. Belive me.

i am glad you do have a supportive nursery - sorry i got the wrong end of the stick.

and i wasn't suggesting you should give in to him, i just feel it v sad that the nursery would have to ask him to leave, i hope it is their absolute last resort.

Have you tried ofsted for info? They could be worth a try.

And all i can say is i wish you luck and hope the situation can come to an end without too much further upset for you and your son.

I'm interested in the "standard from OFSTED" about breach of confidentiality. Think I'll have a look at this. Just off the top of my head I'm thinking that from what I know already, the nursery won't give out any information and it's down to a court to decide whether they shou and whether dad has a right to this because it's reasonable. If the bottom line is that worst case scenario, the court orders it, then I know the nursey won't stand for it and as a private business, they'll as k DS to be withdrawn because they will not entertain court action. Surely this comes into, "interference with day to day care"? What the hell am I supposed to do then? How about we open a "Bar" site? I'm fed up now. Could do with a boogie!

Mummyloves - i am no expert on this at all so i could be talking crap.

But would the court action not have to be between you and exp?

The nursery would simply working with the child's best interests at heart - not letting w**r ex p get involved, as you have advised.

If ex p wishes to persue the matter, would he not have to get a solicitor to right to the nursery and inform them they must give out the info - if that is the case. And i agree they will then want to either do as a solicitor has told them or ask you to leave if you do not agree.

Then surely the next step would be for you to take ex p to court, and nursery would not be involved?

Anyway enjoy your boogie! i just can't stop thinking about this sorry.

Fran1, he phoned the nursery back in August and requested by phone, information about all sorts. The nursery said they couldn't speak to him or tellhim any of this as it was to do with them and me and if he wanted to know anything, he should ask me. He asked to visit the nursery. They phoned me and I said, ok, let him visit, as long as it was at a time when DS was not there and as long as they only told him about general things, ie, the topics timetable, food provision, first aid provision etc, nothing personal to DS. They phoned him back and said he had my permission but that it was their policy that they would not discuss anything personal about the individual child.They re-iterated this 4 times and he said this was ok. They asked him not to put them in an awkward position. He visited the nursery and true to form, started badgering them with questions about DS, waving his PR order. They refused to tell him anything. He left and they then got a letter from his solicitor requesting all this personal information. It did not quote any Act or other legal provision for this information. They wrote back stating that it was their policy not to discuss individual children with anyone other than the person they had the contract with, ie me. They thought this was the end of it until another solicitor's letter arrived, again, requesting this that and the other, again not quoting any requirement under any law, and advising them to take legal advice. He has in the meantime been on the phone to them badgering them to give him the information he requires. Not surprisingly as we have a court hearing for next Wednesday. My own solicitor's do not have a definitive answer but I'm sure one is out there already somewhere. I can't see, if DS were being looked after by Nanny for example, that he would have the right in law to have acourt force her to tell him what time she gave him his meals during the week or what she did with him during the day!

Sorry, didn't realise you had already been down this route!

I agree with your comment about the nanny and hope that they same is true for the nursery for your sons sake!

I wish you luck

Thanks again Fran, refer to my previous comment about him being total w**r! Up for a boogie and a Budweiser?